pleia2's Poetry

All these poems were written from late 1998 to early 2000, so when I was in High School mostly (as if you couldn't tell). It's the sort of lousy, depressing poetry that most of us spun out at that time.

This first poem is one that I dedicated to someone who was very special to me in a very difficult part of my life.
My only wish now is that he could somehow forgive me... I'm so sorry

Untitled..

You told me you liked me
You likened your self to a beggar
Appealing to me,
Who you called a queen
I gave you my hand as a friend
And you kissed it
You told me you could
hold me for hours
and you always lament about
How you wish to meet
someone just like me
You've told me things no one else knows
And you drew me in to help you
I see how you are similar to me
when you tell me how loneliness is
tearing you apart
I can understand
I can rember I have felt that way too
and I only know the cure
for it is having someone who loves you
And I know sometimes you want me
I sometimes faulter
I admit sometimes I want you too
But I don't want to hurt you
Your sweet words have touched my heart
and in my mind I have gotten much closer
to you than I should have
And I hurt when you insult yourself
I cry when i hear how lonely you are
and I just want you to see that someone
will love you
You are far from worthless

Expectations are high when you grow up, sometimes you dont meet them
That's all this was about %) the pain and feeling of it

Failure

Failure.
When I failed, things didn't leave quickly.
They slowly scattered.
I pushed people away.
I brought them back to pity me.
I cry.
I speak.
I hurt others.
I am losing control, and I don't care.

I had just read Great Expectations when I wrote this
One of my many tries to write from someone else's point of view
Put myself in their position, feel what they felt
This one reflected what I thought Estella would feel if she failed...

Failed Coquette

When I went to see you
I had every intention of stealing your heart away.
I knew I could.
When I thought of you I thought of something to be conquered,
not as a person to be loved.
I was always taught that a man would break my heart,
and so when I met you I thought no different.
I chased after you to please myself,
give you just enough pleasure to leave you begging for more,
to make you crawl at my feet for more.
But you were not like the others,
you didn't come crawling back after I teased you.
You were content to stay away from me
when I had what I wanted from you.
That bothered me.
I tried harder to get close to you,
I forced my presence upon you,
I fell in love with you.
Now you are the player,
and I am the victim of my own devices.

I think this poem captures most of what I felt in my teens
I thought that being an individual was a bad thing at this point
Silly me... I left high school to find a world that loves individuals
I guess it's only a lesson we learn by trial...

Untitled

I lay awake at night
dreaming of casting off the
loniness i feel
Dreaming about how someday
I'll find someone who understands
But carelessly i have cast people away
I've made mistakes
I've been quiet
individualistic
and indifferent
crimes for which the world punishes
with solitude
So I'm back to dreaming dreams
that may never come true
Back to living in a world
that misunderstands me
Back to a lifeless,
deathless sleep.

A poem about loneliness...

No One Will Be There

I sit here alone
because I have convinced myself that I don't care
My heart aches to be accepted
but this world I have chosen to ignore.
I do what I feel
I think how I want
how much more can one ask for?
But it is hard sometimes
when i see so many people
spending time together
I feel so alone.
I want to curl up in a corner and cry
Knowing that no one will be there
to wipe my tears away.

Another about loneliness... I was severely depressive in high school
I guess this reflects it, it felt like a disease...

The Illness of my Soul

The bitter poison of loneliness
had long been flowing through my veins
I forsook love,
plagiarized demons,
and tore apart my own soul.
I remained weak, alone, and bitter
angry at the world that hated me,
and annoyed with what i had become.
My life drifted in circles
waves of depression followed by
times of tolerance.
I pushed away everyoen that tried to get close to me.
deeming them fools
knowing they could never understand.
And yet somehow
a tiny glint of hope kept me alive,
a dream that someday
my life would change,
that some antidote would be found,
for the illnes
of my soul.

I was a bit self pitiful for a while, and I knew it
I guess it is what it felt like... a lot of pain...

Self Pity

The ultimate pain of not knowing whether I will ever be happy is one plaguing me.
Waking up each morning,
Working each day,
Sleeping each night
Days turn into weeks.
Weeks turn into months.
Months into years?
My youth
is
slipping
away
and i am lost.
Attractiveness is my nemesis
flirtations are my weekness.
Pain.
Sorrowm
I NEED TO ESCAPE
Sometimes I sit alone and cry,
not wanting anyone to see my selfish,
unhappy tears.
I am lonely but with someone.
Unhappy in a happy world.
Financially set in a poor society.
WHY THE PAIN???

I sat alone last night and tried to dig my soft flesh with a
razor.

A general regret and "I'm sorry" poem ...
I was going through a really hard time in my life... torn

Unforgiven

If I could take back everything I said and did to hurt you I would.
I just wish you knew it hurt me too.
I didn't want to do what I did.
It was greed,
pain,
misery,
and my quest for unattainable happiness that
drove me away from all that I had.
Too foolish to realize that I HAD everything
I needed to be happy.
Now I will never be your angel.
Deep down you will always hate me.
Your soul will always want to destroy my very being.
I made you question your whole world.
Made you see the error in your ways
by ever loving me.
And now I see it will be the end of us.
You will never be happy with me.
You will always deeply hate me
as much as you deeply love me.

I wrote this when I was making an attempt to accept christianity
Mars' Hill was mentioned in the bible,
A hill where the "wise men" of the age would 'audition' religions for their validity

Standing on Mars' Hill

speakers and great thinkers of the day
scoffing at many
fearing nothing
lines drawn across the Earth
rules put forth by thousands
listeners numb by striking words
washed and forgotton by the acid of time

I wrote this one for a class
I used mostly abstract feelings, closing my eyes and
feeling what I thought it would be like to die, and be pulled from the world

Loss in Death

The glassy wind filled their mouths with ice
Prophet and pharoahs fall
Idols of cork
Gods of stone
The wheat passing through the lovely hands
Waters pulled from their beds
Asending to the stars
Wells dried of worldliness
Mountains melting to the sea
Darkness due to pelts of coldness
Silver scorched stone walls
lasting marks, the only.

"Everyone feels like this when they are a teenager"
This poems is definately true to how we feel as we grow up,
high school is a terrible terrible place!

Untitled

Living as an outcast has always
given a kind of unparalleled
excitement.
Knowing that because of your
individualism that you can think
and dream for yourself.
Believing what you want to believe
thinking what you want to think
letting people you know, live without knowing you.
This holds some kind of power.
But when you stumble who do you talk to?
When your mind slips into a downward
tunnel to oblivian who can you go to
to regain faith in yourself.
The books, dreams, and thoughts that
you always run to can't help.
You find yourself helplessly falling into
a depression that no one understands.
When you have a burning hole in your heart
you find yourself going crazy
in a rage that no one can cure.
That same power, excitement, and
enchantment means so little,
when loneliness poisons your soul.

I got this poem published by poetry.com ...
It's still one of my favorites.

The Walk

The cold air makes me flinch as I walk outside
I methodically walk down a trail
the leaves crunching between my feet
As if the only way to rebel, my mind wanders...
Alone no one can critize you
no one can tell you what to do
but no one can Love you...
I am startled by the realization that I'm standing on a cliff
Below me the waves crash, behind me a couple sits happily.
I brush a tear from my cheek and go back to the trail.
Confined to this self-caused solitude,
the air is no longer cold.