Why?

I’m still an atheist.

Back in 2012 when this journey was quite new I wrote about this: Joining a synagogue.

For everything except the question of a deity, I’ve gone quite far down the path to Judaism. My first stop was doing an Introduction to Judaism class before we got married by a rabbi. I’ve since read several books to expand my knowledge about Judaism. I did docent training at the synagogue we belonged to in San Francisco to learn all about the history of that temple and its place in the Reform movement. Today our children are being raised Jewish, we observe all the major Jewish holidays, and some of the minor ones that we found a connection to (Tu B’Shvat is coming up!). We observe Shabbat weekly, don’t eat pork, and have joined our local synagogue here in the east bay where they will start religious school soon. I’ve also started dabbling in learning Hebrew. In spite of not being much of a cook, I learned how to make challah, latkes, and hamantaschen. It turns out that I’ve always had a fondness for several Jewish food staples. When I travel, I visit Jewish landmarks and museums, like the synagogue I visited in Mumbai or searching for the menorah at Fonthill Castle. When my life was more conducive to it, I would spend part of Shabbat reading Torah, and a few years ago I followed along to reach every weekly Torah portion.

Most importantly, I’ve embraced the teachings and living a Jewish life for myself. I enjoy pausing to reflect during the holidays. I appreciate that rituals. I found that my own drive to fight injustice and teach others have always been quite aligned with Judaism. I enjoy studying and asking questions. It’s all very important to me.

But I’m a very literal and analytical person. While rituals and lessons from Torah can help guide and shape my life because I recognize wisdom and appreciate cycles, I don’t have belief in their literal truth, or a deity.

When I was having infrequent meetings with our rabbi in San Francisco, he loaned me the book For Those Who Can’t Believe: Overcoming the Obstacles to Faith, which became part of our permanent collection when he passed away before I could see him again. It didn’t get me where I need to be though. I’ve spent years since continuing to learn and live as a Jewish family, but deep down worrying that this would be what always prevents me from converting.

Now that we’ve joined a synagogue again and plan on going more with the boys, I want to revisit this. Is there a path here for me? Or is my role in our family and community something different?

The menorah we searched for, and found, on a ceiling in a hallway at Fonthill Castle

I also had the unfortunate situation of battling a sinus infection while figuring out the answers to all these questions. I always forget how painful those are, and how debilitating the sinus headaches can be. My stomach also didn’t respond to the antibiotics very well this time. Oof. When I say this was a doozy of a holiday season, I hope you get where I’m coming from. We figured it out though!

First: Prep! I’ve already written that we put up lights and decorations, and set up the model trail that we set up for Hanukkah. I realize that Christmas holiday glitter has infiltrated our Hanukkah quite a bit with all of this, but I love holiday glitter and this is just how it’s going to be in our house. Besides, Christmas got the glitter from solstice celebrations. It’s fair all game.

1st Night

To kick off Hanukkah we invited Rebeca over to celebrate with us, and so she could be around for the boys opening the present from her.

I also sent MJ and the boys out earlier in the day to hunt for some jelly doughnuts so we could enjoy a sufganiyot-ish treat this first evening.

2nd Night

Dreidels, gelt, and Hanukkah art!

A latke and an menorah, by Aaron

The boys were relatively self-sufficient with their playing with the dreidels this year, which was fun, aside from the inevitable fights that broke out over strategic dropping rather than spinning of the dreidel to get the desired outcome, hah! They both got the hang of spinning it though.

3rd Night

Around 3:30 in the afternoon, a collision occurred on Interstate 580 near our house that caused a car to be inexplicably vaulted from the flat bed of a tow truck to the BART train tracks that reside in the middle of the highway. It’s incredibly bizarre, I hope details are released at some point as to what they believe happened because it would be fascinating to know how it was even possible (update). The one thing we do know is that it it caused a traffic NIGHTMARE all evening. Adam was scheduled to meet with the leads of a program he’s been enrolled in to celebrate his graduation, and they were a full 90 minutes late – for a 90 minute visit. Still, they made it and we got to celebrate!

Alas, a family friend who was scheduled to come by did rethink her visit into that traffic nightmare. That meant that the latkes I was preparing (recipe here) for her visit had one fewer person to feed, and it was a bit of an anticlimactic conclusion to my latke preparation. Aaron and I really enjoyed them though! And MJ was able to enjoy some leftovers before we left for Philly.

That evening the boys had a lot of fun listening to the news helicopters fly overhead, and following the news about the car on the BART tracks, including watching a live broadcast as the rescue truck with a crane lifted the car off the tracks.

I enjoyed my third night of Hanukkah beer with my latkes and apple sauce.

4th Night

Packing for our trip, and managing a chaotic week that included work, taking the cat to two different specialists, and an emergency dermatologist appointment for Aaron who has a knee wound that’s taking longer than expected to heal. We did presents and lights and it was lovely, but I didn’t take pictures because the evening was a lot.

5th Night

On to Philadelphia! My solution to in-flight Hanukkah was giving the boys a couple gifts on the plane that they could use on the plane. So they each got to enjoy a new game for the Nintendo Switch. Aaron got a Bluey game and Adam got a Cars game that he’d been eyeing at a game shop in Hayward, that MJ had the foresight to pick up as a Hanukkah gift.

When we finally got to the townhouse in Philly, we lit the candles for the fifth night and munched on our quick dinner picked up from Wawa. Then it was straight to bed!

6th Night

I phoned it in with present wrapping this night because while I had presents available to give the boys, I had a busy day at work and zero time to wrap presents. After going out for dinner, we lit the candles and the boys got to open the presents I had tossed into a gift bag with some tissue paper on top. Voila! Everyone was happy.

7th Night

Things were a bit more together today, but it helped that it was a weekend. Lights were lit, and Aaron got his favorite present of the holiday: a really simple ice cream maker. He’s been talking about it for over a month, and has kept talking about it, so he really seems to be enjoying it.

8th Night

We spent the day downtown, and then joined grandpa, his aunt Irina, and cousin Sammy for lighting the candles the final night. With our menorahs full of candles, it was great to have family over, and we all had an enjoyable evening.

And thus concludes Hanukkah for the year! Now that I’ve done the split coast thing once, I think I’m in a much better position to continue it when the need next arises, but with it landing in early December in 2026, this probably won’t be that year. Thank goodness.

This year for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we also finally got to attend services in-person! With chaotic young kids, and then last year with some colds sweeping through the house, we were glad to finally take advantage of this opportunity. We started small, by just attending the afternoon family services for both holidays, but it was nice to be back in-person for the holidays, and to start meeting people. We’ve also started on our path to get the boys to weekly religious school there, which we’re all looking forward to.

We also enjoyed apples and honey around Rosh Hashanah, and Aaron helped me make a round challah, which actually came out quite lovely this year!

Celebrations continued when I returned from a work trip as we went over to the synagogue for a young children event for Sukkot. They had a big sukkah set up, and in collaboration with PJ library had a bunch of activities arranged, from a story time to crafts and coloring, followed by lunch.

Kids also got to wave the lulav and etrog with our Rabbi, which Aaron took part in.

The kids were pretty excited about Sukkot and are really interested in building our own sukkah. Timing of my work travel this year made it impossible, but maybe we’ll see what we can do next year.

And unrelated to the holidays but related to family, MJ’s Uncle Dick and his wife were visiting San Francisco recently while on a cruise. Squeezed right between my work trip and one MJ had to leave for, we met them for a lovely dinner on the Embarcadero. I had only met MJ’s uncle once, and he’d never met the boys, so it was nice to get together, even if the boys were on the tired side and were mostly glued to TV on their phones.

Afterwards, we dropped them back at the cruise terminal where the boys were jealous that they got to sleep on a boat, but they did perk up a bit post-meal and were able to be a little social. I’m glad we were able to conclude the evening on that note.

After we went on the Niles Canyon Railway train two days I took off from work to spend some time with the kids while our au pair was out of town, and recover a bit from everything going on. On Monday I had the morning solo with Adam, since he had a day off from school and Aaron was at preschool. Our first activity together was putting up some Halloween lights and decorations outside. Then we went inside to make a custom t-shirt, which Adam had been asking to do for months. His subject? A BART train that we designed from a photo! On Tuesday I had Aaron for the morning while Adam was in school, and we tried out a new breakfast restaurant in town, The Breakfast Club. Everything about it was exceptional and we both ate too much.

On Saturday we had more trains! We went up to the Western Railway Museum for their Pumpkin Patch Festival about 90 minutes northeast of us. Gaby came along with us for this one, and we stopped to pick up burgers about 20 minutes from the museum, and so we enjoyed a burger picnic upon arrival, which worked out really nicely.

When we finished lunch, the boys played in the signal garden! They have a series of old railway signal crossing signs that they have hooked up to buttons that can be triggered with a press. We saw it the last time we visited the museum, but didn’t get the opportunity then to visit.

From there, it was onto the Key System tram that whisked us off to the Pumpkin Patch.

The pumpkin patch activities were supported largely by the local Rotary Club and they put on a really enjoyable time. There was a HUGE hay fort, which the boys were happy to explore on their own at first, but swiftly took my hand and made me run through with them.

There was a bouncy house! And a zipline for kids!

They also had a little hay ride that took us past a bunch of scarecrows made by local groups. On the way out we visited the pumpkins for sale, but we went with some of the smaller gourds so it was easier to bring them back on the tram, and ultimately home, with us.

It was a wonderful experience. As the afternoon wound down we got on one the last trams leaving the pumpkin patch before making the long drive home, during which both boys fell asleep.

On Sunday we finally found a way to celebrate Sukkot. The synagogue in San Francisco that we used to attend had a Sukkah in Colma that they’d set up, so we made the drive across the bay to celebrate with them. Unfortunately, the rabbi couldn’t make it and there were only a handful of people there, but we had some nice discussions and at least the boys got to see the sukkah and hear the group recite some prayers. We went from there to the city where we had lunch at Fogo de Chao, yum.

The late afternoon was spent just hanging around at home before making mini pizzas for dinner together, and then I was off to the airport! In my first work trip in months, I was off to Las Vegas for IBM TechXchange.

Thankfully, we didn’t have grand plans for my birthday, and instead I was simply welcomed with a beautifully themed cake as we celebrated with just the immediate family and our former au pair who dropped by with flowers. And no candles, because no one wants someone with a cold blowing on a cake, regardless of the infection status of everyone else.

My birthday present was quite the treat though, tickets to Niles Canyon Railway on their steam train! For two weeks in the future, which was good, because there was no way we were going out on my birthday.

On Tuesday of that week was the culmination of a TON of work: IBM Z Day. I wasn’t a track lead this year, but I put together the developer journey and consulted on several sessions, and I gave a talk in the Academic Symposium with Matt Germonprez of the CHAOSS project about the importance of open source software. I think the session went well, and thankfully I was feeling well enough for it.

On Wednesday night Rosh Hashanah began! I made honey cake with the boys, but unfortunately our bread maker broke and the new one didn’t arrive until Thursday so we couldn’t make round challah before the holiday. We participated in evening services virtually after the boys went to bed, and the next morning I took the boys out to the park to run around for a bit before morning services at 10:30AM, which we also joined virtually. The bread maker also arrived, and while strictly not appropriate to bake challah on Rosh Hashanah, we did anyway. A round challah! Which came out pretty decently. Plus, being able to bake the round challah together helped get over some of the disappointment of missing the fancy challah baking event the weekend before.

In the late afternoon, we cut up a bunch of fruit and figured out how to extract the seeds from a pomegranate to enjoy some fruit and honey.

Happy New Year! We’d like to finally attend services in-person again next year, but things just didn’t come together for it this year, especially with everyone being so sick in the days leading up to it.

If I’m honest, it was a lot for one week. I really wish we hadn’t gotten sick, but with little ones in school it’s tricky to avoid it, as we’d also discover two weeks later when we all got sick again. Oof!

A huge part of crafting a successful holiday was that I took a week off from work following Thanksgiving. In addition to all the boring house stuff I did, I was able to prepare for Hanukkah. The first thing of note is that I did more decorating than I have in years past. Part of that was due to the boys getting old enough to enjoy decorating and being festive for the holidays, so I had enthusiastic helpers and didn’t feel like I’m just doing it all for myself.

While I had a babysitter watching the boys I put up some blue and white lights outside, and then the boys helped me put more lights up on the banister on the stairway. We found some window decals at CVS and the boys also spent a little time doing Hanukkah coloring and other art that we put on the walls.

I love model trains, and so do the boys, so each year I set up a “Hanukkah train” and in the middle of the loop we put all the presents. One evening I set up the table with a blue table cloth and the boys and I assembled the Union Pacific train I bought a few years ago for this purpose. I probably set it all up too early because the presents were a tremendous source of temptation and frustration for the boys as we led up to Hanukkah, but I was trying to build up the excitement!

Speaking of presents, I ended up making a document to track what presents the boys were getting for Hanukkah and where they were in the process (ordered, shipped, boxed, wrapped) so I wouldn’t lose track, and to make sure we had enough presents of similar value and excitement for both Adam and Aaron each night. I was also thrilled to find some beautiful Hanukkah wrapping paper at TJ Maxx (along with a Hanukkah cats pillow and blanket), so I didn’t have to just rely upon generic winter-themed wrapping paper. Hanukkah penguins! Hanukkah cookies! Menorahs!

The boys had fun with all the present unwrapping, at ages 3 and nearly 5, it was the first year both of them could really enjoy it properly. Reflecting upon my experience growing up with Christmas, it was fun to do 8 nights of presents. Each night and the following day they focus on one or two gifts they got instead of the excitement exploding in just one morning. It’s a really nice tradition.

We also managed to get some Hanukkah Gelt this year, which I also found at CVS and the boys eagerly devoured each night. Maybe next year we’ll be able to properly play with the dreidel for some instead of just launching it across the room, hah!

One day I ventured out to pick up some jelly doughnuts, which I hope were a reasonable enough stand-in for proper sufganiyah. But no homemade latkes this year. I enjoyed eating them the one year I managed to make them, but the work that goes into them was beyond my ability this year. Maybe I’ll try again if I get some little machine that shreds the potato and onion instead of having to do it manually.

As beautiful as the holiday was and the joy we all gained from it, there was the shadow of the war in Israel looming over it all, and a rise in anti-semitism, this time coming from the left side of the political spectrum. A menorah was vandalized in Oakland, and reports of violence have popped up across the country. Having not been born Jewish, learning most of I know about Judaism in the past 12 years or so, I guess I didn’t quite understand how much anti-Jewish sentiment can simmer for decades before boiling over. I’ve shared before that when MJ and I got married, I didn’t give another thought to raising a Jewish family. We live in a modern society! Jewish people are Americans! Everything is fine! These days I do worry about the world we’re leaving for our boys, and only hope that things calm down and they can continue to thrive in a safe place that’s full of opportunity for people of all faiths.

So it was extra special to see that the menorah in Castro Valley, which in years past had been nearly hidden in a small park down the boulevard, was in the center of town this year. Our local Chabad organization also did a whole event on the 5th night there with a lot of festivities (I didn’t know it was happening, otherwise we would have gone!).

And I took my time to admire the big menorah that graces Union Square in San Francisco when we made our way to the city over the weekend.

Happy holidays, my friends. Whatever you celebrate, I hope you have an enjoyable time and a happy new year.

In preparation for Hanukkah, I once again got our Hanukkah train set up and presents wrapped, so Adam could grab them each night.

I did a refresh on our Hanukkah garland and replaced the lights, so our stairway display was fluffy and fresh-looking this year! The punch card wreath on my office door also got a little bit of Hanukkah flair.

We enjoyed a Hanukkah dinner on the third night, once again picking up our brisket, latkes, veggies, challah, and sufganiyot (donuts!) from Wise Sons in San Francisco. Even with everything pre-cooked, it does take work to heat up and serve everything with the little ones running around, but it was still a great short-cut, and I didn’t have to worry about anything coming out badly!

With Adam being nearly three years old, it was also nice to really observe the holiday with him. He was thrilled about getting to light candles each night, and the presents were a nice touch too. He even helped his dad with lighting his train menorah candles.

Night seven fell on Saturday, and I somehow felt inspired to try and make latkes. MJ mixed the dry ingredients and wrangled the kids while I shredded potatoes and onions with a hand shredder. Once the kids went to bed we got to frying, and it turned out pretty well! As someone who “doesn’t cook” I was quite pleased, and it gave us fresh latkes to enjoy with the leftover brisket and veggies.

Finally, I got a Hanukkah-themed beer box! It meant having a beer each night, which was probably a bit much, so I’m happy to dry out this week, but it was fun as a novelty this year.

It was a fun year for Hanukkah, but also gave me a taste of how the holidays are going to be moving forward. Both of our kids have birthdays this time of year, so I’ve also been planning birthdays! It’s definitely a very busy time of year, with lots of treats.

Then the smoke started to roll in on August 18th. Our cars and outdoor furnishings quickly developed a thin layer of ash and we had to stay indoors.

Admittedly, we’re getting off easy so far this year. I rarely smell the smoke, and the PM 2.5 AQI levels for wildfire smoke pollutants are regularly between 50-100. Still not what I want to expose the either the baby or the toddler to very much, but it’s not the directly unhealthy or dangerous range we dealt with last year. Still, we’re staying indoors a lot more, and that’s been tough. Adam doesn’t like being cooped up, and I’ve realized just how important all those walks I was taking with them are to my fitness and health. The air has started to clear this week, but there are still fires and if they flare up again and the winds shift, I will need to make sure I’m getting in some exercise again. Hello again, treadmill!

I wrote about getting my amateur radio license and my movie marathon, and honestly that’s all I’ve packed my free time with. Most recently I started watching the 1980s series Automan and then listening to the Continuum Drag podcast as they make their way through the series too. The podcast has definitely made watching the series a lot more fun and social.

I’ve also spent a lot of time trying to keep the kids engaged as we’re stuck indoors, and I’ve been delighted to see how quickly baby Aaron is growing and hitting milestones. In our cooped up period these past few weeks, he’s become quite the crawler! And he stands while holding things now!

I’m probably not fully succeeding in meeting all the needs of a mischievous toddler (honestly, who can?), which is how I ended up going through our trash can on a Tuesday morning. The night before we noticed that one of the baby monitors was missing. I figured Adam had just stashed it somewhere, but after essentially turning the house upside down on Monday night, I had to accept that he probably threw it away because he thought it would be funny. Thankfully, I found it in the trash before the trash truck came. It was gross, but after taking it apart, carefully cleaning it, and letting it dry, it seems to work fine.

Adam and I also are continuing to do art, but the other week we added baking into the mix (see what I did there?). First it was by making challah, and most recently honey cake for Rosh Hashanah. He’s only two, so obviously it’s me doing most of the work, but it’s been fun to include him as we measure and mix together the ingredients.

We also did some holiday-inspired art!

As for the holidays themselves, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were once again observed via live stream. It looks like a few people made it to the synagogue, masked and vaccinated, but hundreds of us joined virtually. It’s sad to not see everyone in person for a second year, but just like last year, it did make things a lot easier. A baby and a toddler don’t make leaving the house easy, especially for extended periods. Staying safe at home certainly was convenient.

We also took the afternoon on both days to visit parks. On Rosh Hashanah our au pair and I went over to the playground, where we bumped into the local Chabad chapter, and I got to socially-distanced chat with a Jewish mother in their community. On Yom Kippur MJ joined us and we all went out to Lake Chabot Park to soak in the sun and let Adam kick a soccer ball around in the grass.

With the clear skies, we’ve also spent the last couple of weekends going to yard and garage sales again. Mostly it’s because it gives us a safe destination for walks (helps me stay motivated!) but also because the kids do seem to like to see Things when we go out. Stuff-wise, I rarely buy anything, but we did snag a refrigerator toy last weekend that both the boys are really enjoying.

Work has been incredibly busy. We put on our flagship event for IBM Z last week, so August through September is a mad scramble to finalize the schedule, make sure the speakers are happy and have what they need, and handle all kinds of surprising logistics (even for a virtual event!). A non-trivial number of evenings I end up working after the kids go to sleep just to make sure everyone has what they need. Mix in taking a day off for Rosh Hashanah and another for Yom Kippur I really had my work cut out for me. We nailed it though, I was really happy with my track and the event did very well. The virtual Open Mainframe Summit is next, which I’ve been handling IBM’s presence for, and was taking up considerable amounts of time as I got the booth materials together and make sure we hit all the key deadlines. That’s coming up next week.

Today I got to enjoy another beer festival! This time Beers without Beards which had a beautiful assortment of beers, including Two Lights from Allagash, which I’ve wanted to try since it came out. Realistically, it’s tricky to fully take in these virtual beer festivals because I have a couple of little humans to care for during the day, but having the live stream on while we went about our day has been a nice change of pace. I really enjoyed the segment from Allagash, and it was delightful to hear about some of the history of our beloved Russian River Pliny the Elder. As for actually drinking, I can work my way through the beer collection in the evenings over the next few weeks. I’m enjoying the Two Lights right now, which is pretty great for a lager!

Pandemic-wise, I’ve hinted throughout this post how we’re still staying close to home. It really did weigh heavy on my heart to stay home during the holidays again, and MJ just canceled his plans to go to his cousin’s wedding in early October. I’m lonely, and I miss everyone. I am eager to see approval come through for vaccinations for the kids, because that is when I think we’ll be in a more reasonable place as we continue to evaluate our safety. In the meantime, we’re all doing the best we can over here.

One thing I’ve quickly realized with having a second was how intense the learning curve was the first time around. We didn’t remember everything, but we did fall into a pattern quickly with this one, and were less worried about everything. We have an established plan for feeding, we know how to change diapers, and we generally feel more comfortable with this delicate, new little human than we did with the first. It’s still exhausting like no other exhaustion, especially when he goes through nights of waking up every hour, but there’s less stress this time. I also am more in tune with my own moods this time, in particular I know that a little sleep will go a long way when I start feeling sad, and I know when to ask for help. Usually I just need a break and a nap, and that snaps me out of whatever slump I find myself in.

We also quickly learned how different children can be immediately. For instance, Adam would get out of all swaddles we tried to craft with receiving blankets, and generally rebelled against heat, even now he prefers lower temperatures. Aaron is happy to remain swaddled, and reacts very negatively to the cold. I suddenly realize why there are so many products on the market for everything from soothing and sleeping to feeding. Parenting advice really has to be taken with a grain of salt, since what works well with one newborn may completely fail with another. So that learning curve I mentioned? Turns out we did still need to learn some new things with this one!

It’s not been all baby though. With all of us home, a few house things have gotten done. The big one is solar finally going online! Our solar project began back in September, so we were waiting on a series of inspections that needed to happen before we could actually switch it on. I’m excited that it’s finally done because it’s a cool new system with the Powerwalls, but I’m really excited to see out electricity bills drop, which were getting to be quite excessive during the hottest periods of the year.

We also went into San Francisco for my first time this year. In spite of being regular visitors since we moved away, I never made it prior to the pandemic in 2020 due to traveling elsewhere a lot. Then the pandemic restrictions have kept me close to home in the east bay for the rest of the year. This time was an important visit though, to see our Rabbi and Mohel for Aaron’s bris and baby naming. Due to restrictions, we couldn’t have guests from outside our household, and had to do it in a doctor’s office instead of at the synagogue, but we were able to do a video conference and actually have more family in attendance than we normally would have been able to! Silver linings. As an aside, I had some reservations about writing about this here. Both religious gatherings of any type outside of the household and the bris itself are controversial topics. As a Jewish family, the decision to do a bris is one made millenniums ago. The gathering which included the Rabbi in person (the Mohel was required) was a risk we took, because we felt it was important to Aaron’s path. After doing such a big event with family flying in and a whole social gathering with food at the synagogue, it broke our hearts to do something so much smaller for our second son, so we wanted to do all we could to make this event as special as we could, even in light of the pandemic.

And then there was Hanukkah! I prepared everything before going into the hospital, which ended up being the right move, even if it did make me extra tired at the tail end of the pregnancy. As I mentioned in a previous post, a pile of wrapped presents were placed inside the rails of our model train. Beyond that, a few decorations were scattered around the house, and while we were in the hospital our au pair and Adam took care of putting up some lights and Hanukkah garland that I ran out of energy to put up. Finally, I ordered some Hanukkah pajamas for the boys, so we could take some photos of Aaron’s first Hanukkah and Adam’s second.

Food-wise, we were quite over-stocked! Relgious-wise, Hanukkah is not an important Jewish holiday. However, it’s proximity to Christmas and the delightful celebration centered around delicious foods and eight nights of candles and gifts for children make it a popular one in the US. We ended up ordering a Hanukkah meal with brisket and latkes from a Jewish deli in San Francisco, and also getting some fancy doughnuts from a diner in town. Finally, a family friend dropped off an assortment of delicious cookies!

In the midst of Hanukkah celebrations, we also celebrated Caligula’s 17th birthday on December 13th. We’re slowly integrating his new kidney disease diet, but not as quickly as I’d like just due to exhaustion. He seems to be doing well though, he quickly adjusted to the new baby at home, and most days he spends mid-day upstairs in the family room with all of us lounging in the sun and getting familiar with his growing human tribe.

I began this post by mentioning my own postpartum recovery. I took my first walk outside last Friday, and while there was still pain, it was very nice to go out for something other than a doctor’s appointment. On Saturday we ventured out to the outdoor farmer’s market for the first time since before the little one arrived. In general, I’m finding each day to be a little easier, and I’m able to do a few more chores around the house. I still need to avoid picking up Adam, since he’s over the weight limit I’m allowed for a couple more weeks, but there’s plenty to do house-wise without any toddler carrying! I wish I could say I was enjoying having a break from a bunch of the chores, but it’s actually been somewhat stressful as things pile up and I know these tasks await me when I’m feeling better. Still, I am doing my best to take it slow with this recovery so I get to the end more quickly and with as little pain as possible in the meantime.

Traditions are important. It was one thing that was impressed upon me when I decided to go down the Jewish path with MJ in our marriage and to raise our children Jewish. Whether it was repeating the same meal during Passover every year with the same Exodus story or reflecting upon the past year during the High Holidays, as someone new to these traditions they made an impact on me. Now, perhaps someone who has experienced them their whole life may not see it, but the fact that repetition and tradition are so woven throughout much of Judaism and other religions is something that caused me to pay attention to it.

So what do we do when that tradition is disrupted? It’s hard, but we’re adaptable. In fact, I learned this year that changes to the underlying tradition can sometimes make things more meaningful and memorable.

With all of the major, family gathering Jewish holidays already behind us for 2020 and all celebrated during the pandemic, and with Christmas around the corner, I wanted to share thoughts and experiences my Jewish family has had this year.

Many congregations have closed their doors since March, including ours. Everything we’ve done has been virtual, and our first big holiday occurred in April as we celebrated Passover. Passover consists of a ritual meal called a Seder, during which you read portions of Exodus to focus upon Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. Many families do two Seders, one with their family at home, and a second night community Seder with their broader community. MJ and I have typically just done the community Seder, with the exception of when we’re in Philadelphia for Passover and we do a first night family Seder.

This year we did both for the first time!

We ordered food from Wise Sons, a Jewish deli in San Francisco. They provided all the pieces for the ritual Seder plate, and we also did catering from them of traditional foods for the real meal following the Seder. We read from new Haggadahs, shipped to us from PJ Library, and muddled our way through the traditions. Doing this on our own was a real learning experience and one I will truly treasure. Our past reluctance to do it ourselves mostly stemmed from not wanting to make a fuss for just the two of us, but now that we were finally nudged into doing this family Seder ourselves, we’re much more likely to do it moving forward as our family grows.

The second night was up in the air. How can you do a “community Seder” without physical contact with your community? We went in an entirely new direction for this. Our synagogue hosted a virtual Seder, but with the whole world open to us, why not try something new? Instead, we were invited to do one led by a fellow Philadelphia transplant to the Bay Area who was hosting a Zoom-based Seder with his friends from across the country. A Seder over Zoom would have been unthinkable in years past, and we weren’t sure how it would go, but it was the responsible thing to do and we found it to be quite enjoyable! We were able to experience the meal with different people, some of whom weren’t Jewish, and from a different Jewish perspective (led by a conservative, rather than reform, which we are).

Passover 2020 was unusual, but memorable and special in so many ways. We missed seeing on congregation, but fellowship was possible, we were all safe, and we kept our communities safe.

September marked the arrival of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the High Holidays, the most important holidays on the Jewish calendar. Commemorating the Jewish New Year and Day of Atonement, respectively, these are traditionally held in the synagogue with services beginning in the evening, people adjourning home for the night, and returning the next morning for a day of services and holiday-themed events. Yom Kippur itself is a fasting holiday, which concludes with a large community meal to break the fast.

With how important these holidays are, it may seem unthinkable to not gather together for them. I admit, it was tough being away from everyone, especially since we hadn’t gathered with the congregation in some time. In some ways the High Holidays didn’t make as much of an impact this year because we couldn’t be together. In other ways, they were more meaningful. Sacrifice for the good of the community are core tenants of most religions, and Judaism is no different. By forgoing the in-person gathering for the safety of the congregation and our community around us, were were making a sacrifice very appropriate to the spirit of the faith, and that holds tremendous meaning when you pause to frame it that way. Going without a big gathering this year means that most of us will be there to celebrate next year, and many years to come.

Our congregation did several Zoom-based events, and then pre-recorded services, which were then released on YouTube. We were able to watch the evening and morning services from home, which was actually quite nice with the tough pregnancy and with a toddler running around. The services were nicely done, but not too nice as to make us feel like we were watching a polished production. It was meaningful and special in its own way.

Being distant from our congregation also led me to experiment a bit. Since we’d always been at the synagogue for Rosh Hashanah and enjoying all the baked treats and goodies to celebrate the new year, I’d never had anything at home. Last year in Philadelphia we picked up some honey cake, but that was about it, all celebrations were outside the house. This year, without access to the congregation’s array of foods, I decided to take the time to make honey cake. It turned out great, and now we have a recipe to use in the future to enjoy part of Rosh Hashanah at home with a new tradition.

Another thing many religious organizations have been doing is special fundraising drives to address the needs of the more vulnerable community members. Giving has always been a big part of Jewish traditions, but the need is more obvious this year as we’ve heart-breakingly watched those without safety nets be left behind and put into truly dire positions. As this year winds down, more turmoil faces those who are most vulnerable to this pandemic as even more of those safety nets are disappearing, both health-wise and employment-wise. It’s truly a time to pause and be grateful that we have jobs and homes, and it epitomizes what I always thought was key to the Christmas season, even if I no longer celebrate the holiday itself.