Cake – Open Book
What the hell am I going to do with my life?
It’s so easy to tell relatives that I am currently studying stuff on my own so SOMEDAY I will be able to get a job doing what I want to do based on my abilities. But what do I WANT to do? Sure I love making web-pages, but I get distracted easily, and like I said earlier, I am not genius with design… I am sure there are thousands of people better suited for it. Do I want to become a Perl Programmer? Gah, I can’t even imagine that… I am such a beginner with Perl, anything moderately complicated loses me. I know almost nothing about networking (though I AM learning) and I wouldnt even know where to begin being a systems administrator, I still need Myk’s help every time I turn around with Debian. I can’t go a day without looking a bunch of things up on google that are probably obvious to most Linux users.. and… ugh *sigh* I just feel so stupid sometimes, I don’t have any idea where I am going.
I am not sure if anyone realizes what it’s like to be unemployed and not in school, but you know how while you are in school\/work you wish you had more free time? And you think of all the hundreds of things you’d do with that spare time if you didnt have a job… Well in reality, when you are unemployed and not in school you (as in me, and countless examples of friends I have) lose all drive to do anything after a few months and just get into a slump of sleeping late, chatting and wasting a lot of time doing pointless things, while important or difficult things get shelved for “later” … I hate this %(
I’m not looking for a job. I wouldn’t even know where to begin! My resume as it is is pure crap, and if I went out today to get a job I probably couldnt get much better than a silly job at a temp service like I had up in in New York… it’s really quite depressing. I guess part of it is my terrible tendency to take jobs that are far below my abilities, so while I might be able to get a challenging job, I dont strive for it. And at the moment I really don’t need a job, and getting one would be very difficult since I don’t have a car…
I just feel so lost, I have no idea what I want to do. Sometimes I just feel like I want to become a stereotypical “housewife” … but is that because I want to or because that is the easy way out? Would I really be happy working on projects on the computer at home while raising a family and baking cookies? Or am I just dragging my feet? Is it even socially acceptable for a woman to be a housewife these days? Is there something wrong if an intelligent woman like myself chooses to forgo a career for such a lifestyle? I do terrible under stress, and at the end of the day I really am a pretty girly girl, maybe I’m not cut out for the dog eat dog world of carving a place for myself in the world with a traditional career. I just don’t know.
So when the question of going to college arises I really don’t know what I want to do. I know I will have to pay quite a bit to go, and I don’t know how much I’d get out of it, but maybe that is what I need to motivate me… But then when I get out, what if I really didnt learn as much as I wanted an I am stuck in a crappy job, wasting time paying off a huge debt? Ugh %( It’s not really depressing me, it’s just all frustrating. I need to find some project or something to motivate me, I need to do SOMETHING to do more than pass the weeks and months, I’m truly ashamed of myself sometimes.
Bleh, things suck, do things get easier when you get older? %D Probably not, I’m sure the problems just change. Yay for pessimism!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Cake – Open BookWhat the hell am I going to do with my life?It’s so easy to tell relatives that I am currently studying stuff on my own so SOMEDAY I will be able to get a job doing what I want to do based on my abilities. But what do I WANT to do? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10691","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10691","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10691"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10691\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/princessleia.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}