The Squirrel
Michael and I were sitting peacefully on the couch watching Law and Order in the spring of 2002. Earlier that day there had been a crew of people putting down fertilizer on the lawn outside our apartment, and from our seat on the couch we could see a number of those little white "warning" flags. Suddenly, a squirrel ran across our patio and climbed about halfway up our screen door. We were both startled and looked at the screen door.
"Whoa, I think it's a squirrel," Michael said, laughing.
"Cool, I don't want to scare it, let's see what it'll do," I said, chuckling.
So we sat there watching Law and Order, and the squirrel, for another 15 minutes. The squirrel made one move, up to the top of the screen door.
"That's ... weird," I said as Michael approached the screen.
"Maybe it's high off the chemicals they put on the lawn today, poor thing," Michael said, walking up to the squirrel.
"We can give it some food and maybe water, I don't know if it'll touch it, but I don't want it getting sick from eating contaminated grass n stuff," I said as I too approached the screen.
"I don't know what we have really, do squirrels eat bread?"
"Possibly."
Then Michael reached up to the squirrel and touched it's belly through the screen, it didnt move. I too reached up and petted it through the screen. Michael then went and got a piece of bread and opened the door a little bit and stuck the bread near the squirrel's head. It didn't move.
"It's probably way too scared, maybe we should just give it some time to calm down," Michael suggested.
So I went and got a little bowl full of water, and Michael opened the screen door slightly and put it outside. Then we waited, watching from the couch for it's next move.
When the squirrel was aware enough to come off the screen, it ran down and hid just under the ledge near the door. We watched it huddled in that corner and noticed it was shaking. After about 10 minutes I suggested that we make a little house for it, anything was better than it's present huddle spot in that corner. Michael laughed and agreed. I found a box that had formerly held a case of beer, and cut a hole in it. Michael went outside the front door and collected some leaves. He came back in and opened the screen door. Carelessly we didn't think to close it, and while he was out there putting together the little "Squirrel Home" the squirrel ran into the apartment!
"Oh no!" I cried, as I watched it run into the kitchen and scuttle under the refrigerator.
"Ugh, ok, close all the doors and make sure there is no where it can hide, then I'll scare it out from under here," Michael planned.
I closed all the doors, and pulled out some of the furnature, then grabbed a comforter that we had left on the couch and sat there just in case it ran toward me, I could sort of "herd" it out the screen door.
"Everything all closed off?" Michael asked.
"Yeah, you can try to let it out now."
So Michael pulled out the refrigerator a little bit and with the broom scared the squirrel out from under it. Within 3 seconds the squirrel found a new hiding place, under the dishwasher.
"ARG! I didn't even realize it could get under there!" Michael said, frustrated.
We both looked down, and alas, there was a small hole that would allow something as small as a squirrel to get underneath it, great.
For the next 45 minutes Michael tried all sorts of "tools" to get it out from under the dishwasher. Handles of the broom and mop, the dustpan, hangers, you name it, he poked the squirrel with it. But it was so scared at that point that no matter how much it was prodded, it wouldn't budge from it's corner under the dishwasher. At one point I tried to help Michael pull the whole dishwasher out, but without the proper tools to unhook the metal pipes running to it we were out of luck. It was 10:30 at night so calling emergency matainance would have just wasted time. Then Michael got an idea.
He went into the closet and pulled out the vacuum. I plugged it in and he put the long skinny extention on it, as he didn't want to risk actually sucking the squirrel into the vacuum. I turned it on.
In just a couple seconds the squirrel was so scared from the vacuum noise and the sucking tube coming towards it that it bolted from under the dishwasher and headed for the couch. Luckily there really was nowhere else for it to go, and after I stuffed towels in front of the dishwasher we were able to lead it towards the door. Once outside it ran across the patio and up the nearest tree.
So about an hour after the squirrel had run into our apartment, it was finally gone. Michael and I collapsed onto the couch and started laughing.