9.11.01 ... My Thoughts
It took me a long time to write this, over 9 months (it's July 2002). I guess I needed to get over of the shock of all that had happened. I had to see people continuing with life after such a terrible event, and to see myself recover from the initial anguish.
On September 11th, a little after midnight I was at a Denny's with my ex, breaking up with him after a 2 year relationship. Upset about that already we finally left Denny's sometime early in the morning. Halfway home I got a flat tire and we were forced to hang out at this gas station, looking for help, until almost 2 hours later when the tow truck we finally had to call showed up to change the tire. It was about 8 am by the time we got home, I wandered to bed, tired and upset about everything that had happened the previous day.
It wasn't until noon on September 11th that I learned anything was going on. A friend of ours came knocking on the door to our apartment, and my ex came in my room to wake me up and tell me that there had been some sort of attack. My first instinct was to go on-line, but as many people know, CNN.com and other popular news sites were so bogged down with hits that they were forced to take all the images off their site and switch to a simply textual site. Frustrated, and not having cable we hopped in my car and went over to our friend's house. That afternoon I watched, in tears, as many of my other fellow Americans did, the repeating full coverage of the aftermath of the attacks, not only on the World Trade Centers, but on the Pentagon as well. The first estimates were up to 10,000 people dead as a result of the attack, a number so mind boggling in a country where attacks like this just don't occur.
Around 2:30 I had to leave to get ready for work.
At work the mood was much the same, people weren't their usual selves, the talk was all focusing on the attack. "Depressing" really wasn't the word for it, I had honestly never seen such mass pain before. A few doctors and emergency professionals that we knew were on standby to be called down to NYC (I was living in upstate NY at the time, about 350 miles from the city). And a friend of ours in the reserves was already getting orders that he was being sent down in the next week or so.
So what? Everyone has a "where I was on sept 11th" story, it's going to be like "where I was when Kennedy was shot," in the previous generation. I guess this little page is a bit of tribute and a bit of my feelings toward all the action taken after the attack.
Of course I was upset at the perpetrators, and of course I thought they should pay for what they had done. I also realized that there was a reason behind it, as crazy and radical as the group committing it would be. As I looked into this after the attack I learned all sorts of things about the United States' continued inhabitance of upper Afghanistan. I learned about how the weapons these people were using in their arguments with other countries were given by us to help in our cold war against Russia. Of course these people were angry, a big, rich country, invading their own and taking advantage of their resources of people. Again, I was by no means looking for an "excuse" for these people, because none exists for what they did, but I was attempting to discover what was going through their minds to make them attack us.
It's also obvious that this Taliban group was very radical with their views, and they are definitely not held by a majority of the people in Afghanistan. In fact, most of Afghanistan was oppressed by this group. And as much as the Islam religion clashes with our normal Western (and need I remind you, basically Christian!!!) ideals, I was horrified to hear about the oppression of the Muslims in our own country. I was shocked to hear that anyone whose skin was even remotely Arab (or just looked it) was being oppressed by the uneducated masses of our country. In addition to the pain I felt for all the loss in the terrorist attacks, I was reminded every day with the continued racism toward these innocent AMERICANS. True, a few Taliban linked people did migrate here, of course, to orchestrate the attacks, but that does not justify oppressing a great number of our own citizens. I have a close friend in California, she came to the United States on September 7th, only 4 days before the attack, from India. Since her arrival here she has been verbally abused and mistreated by people who wish to "rid our country of terrorists." She is just a girl! Here in the United States, working two jobs and going to school full time to support herself, working much harder for our country than most citizens, and SHE is the one being abused. Why? Because she is Indian, and to some people that makes her look Arab.
I remember in history class learning about World War 2, and all the propaganda that was circulating in all the countries that were at war. I recall our discussions about how "we wouldn't fall for that!" and about the Japanese peoples who were detained in virtual concentration camps in the west to make sure they weren't spy's for Japan. After the war this was covered up and looked down upon. We locked up our own citizens, for what turned out to be no tangible threat. And yet, with this attack on September 11th the same foolish tactics were being discussed by the masses of angry Americans bent on revenge! And again the same type of propaganda was being pushed by all sorts of media, just in different forms, and people were falling for it all. I was upset when I saw the smiling, red-faced Novelty company representatives s descending on the store I worked at to cover our counters with pro American bumper stickers, pins, posters... And I let my opinion be known. Then came all the pro-American commercials, using the tragedy to cash in yet again! Car commercials, grocery store commercials, breakfast cereal commercials, HSN commercials advertising cheaply made mugs and plaques telling us to "Remember 9-11"... like we are so desensitized that we'd forget. You name it, they were trying to use this new found American pride to sell their products.
And still I didn't reach for my American flag.
Sure, I recognize that I am privileged to live in this country. I have friends that I speak with on-line that wish they could live here, I have heard them describe to me the types of things that happen, and how these things barely phase them anymore. A friend of mine in Europe tells me I just can't understand being under the rule of a government not interested in the people's well-being, because I have never lived in such a country, and he's right. Another friend in Asia, after I wrote to her concerned about the Pakistan/India conflict, wrote me back and told me not to worry, that such news breaks there all the time, and only under certain circumstances does our news media choose to recognize it.
So of course, I have pride for the country I live in, my forefathers came here from Germany for a reason, and I won't forget the opportunity it provided them with. But I also won't start waving an American flag around just because of a terrorist attack, because that would be fake. As much good as this country has done in the past, and continues to do in many aspects, we do have our problems. Because of our lack of conflict and such, we are bored and look to various ways to entertain ourselves, and to corporations to lead our country by our wants and needs. But this is a tangent, back to the point...
I don't agree with the general, uneducated American outlook on this conflict. I was amazed when the president ordered such aggressive attacks on Afghanistan, with people cheering him on, but I suppose this will earn him an easy re-election. I felt hurt every time I heard that another civilian village was caught in the middle of the conflict, and surprised even myself when I spoke out in a small argument at a family gathering about whether all the force was necessary. And I was upset when I found out one of my own family members, that I knew and loved had such a negative view of the people he referred to as "towel-heads." It's so frustrating to see people close to you acting in such ways.
I guess that's pretty much what this little "rant" was about, just expressing some views on a previously very volatile subject... And of course this is the greatest tragedy that our country has ever seen on our own soil, so I thought it deserved at least something said about it
World Trade Centers, as they stood in July of 2001
March 11th 2002 Tribute Lights