As I’ve written about before, Halloween is my favorite holiday. We decorate a bit, and do family costumes (while the kids are young enough to tolerate it, hah!). This year, our family costume theme was decided by an exchange between MJ and Aaron:

Aaron: Dada, I want to be Darth Vader.
MJ: Oh, for Halloween?
Aaron: No, I want to BE Darth Vader.
MJ: …

Well, we can’t fulfill all of Aaron’s bad guy fantasies (ahem), but we could at least let him dress up as Darth Vader for Halloween, and have the rest of us follow. Adam was Obi-Wan Kenobi, MJ was the Emperor, and I was Princess Leia.

Event-wise, the big one we did with the boys was at Adam’s elementary school, where they had various games and activities, along with a fire truck.

We also got them a pair of light sabers to go with their costumes, which they enjoyed walking around the neighborhood with before Halloween as we visited the local Halloween lights.

The day before Halloween we carved pumpkins, during which I just went with carving a single pumpkin with a very classic design. It had been a pretty busy autumn and I wasn’t feeling as creative as usual, and I had a feeling that the boys would lose interest once we got deep into pumpkin creation (they did). Thankfully, our au pair and former au pair were more creative than I.

The evening of Halloween was our biggest adventure yet! In previous years we’d only gone down our own street, but this year we added the street parallel to ours after noticing it was still early enough and the boys were bundles of energy.

Our au pair (dressed as Padme) and our former au pair (dressed as Rei) joined us for the trick-or-treating festivities.

Many thanks to the passerby who snapped our photo, I hope your kids took some extra candy!

After we went on the Niles Canyon Railway train two days I took off from work to spend some time with the kids while our au pair was out of town, and recover a bit from everything going on. On Monday I had the morning solo with Adam, since he had a day off from school and Aaron was at preschool. Our first activity together was putting up some Halloween lights and decorations outside. Then we went inside to make a custom t-shirt, which Adam had been asking to do for months. His subject? A BART train that we designed from a photo! On Tuesday I had Aaron for the morning while Adam was in school, and we tried out a new breakfast restaurant in town, The Breakfast Club. Everything about it was exceptional and we both ate too much.

On Saturday we had more trains! We went up to the Western Railway Museum for their Pumpkin Patch Festival about 90 minutes northeast of us. Gaby came along with us for this one, and we stopped to pick up burgers about 20 minutes from the museum, and so we enjoyed a burger picnic upon arrival, which worked out really nicely.

When we finished lunch, the boys played in the signal garden! They have a series of old railway signal crossing signs that they have hooked up to buttons that can be triggered with a press. We saw it the last time we visited the museum, but didn’t get the opportunity then to visit.

From there, it was onto the Key System tram that whisked us off to the Pumpkin Patch.

The pumpkin patch activities were supported largely by the local Rotary Club and they put on a really enjoyable time. There was a HUGE hay fort, which the boys were happy to explore on their own at first, but swiftly took my hand and made me run through with them.

There was a bouncy house! And a zipline for kids!

They also had a little hay ride that took us past a bunch of scarecrows made by local groups. On the way out we visited the pumpkins for sale, but we went with some of the smaller gourds so it was easier to bring them back on the tram, and ultimately home, with us.

It was a wonderful experience. As the afternoon wound down we got on one the last trams leaving the pumpkin patch before making the long drive home, during which both boys fell asleep.

On Sunday we finally found a way to celebrate Sukkot. The synagogue in San Francisco that we used to attend had a Sukkah in Colma that they’d set up, so we made the drive across the bay to celebrate with them. Unfortunately, the rabbi couldn’t make it and there were only a handful of people there, but we had some nice discussions and at least the boys got to see the sukkah and hear the group recite some prayers. We went from there to the city where we had lunch at Fogo de Chao, yum.

The late afternoon was spent just hanging around at home before making mini pizzas for dinner together, and then I was off to the airport! In my first work trip in months, I was off to Las Vegas for IBM TechXchange.

I brought a bunch of snacks for the boys, which Aaron spent much of the ride down enjoying as we sat in our seats and enjoyed the views. At the end of the line, we were able to head to the back (now front!) of the train to see them move the steam engine to the other end of the cars and reconnect.

There was also a scheduled Amtrak passenger train that traveled by while we were stopped, which everyone enjoyed.

On the journey back, we spent a bit more time away from our seats, with Aaron and I venturing back to the front of the train to take in the breeze and see the engine operating up close. Then MJ and Adam took a turn.

Once back at the depot we got pictures of the engine! And then went over to the gift shop to get a couple post cards and magnet. They have a small museum there too that had some photos and text displays. The only downside is that we had just recovered from a stomach bug the week before and caused me to be a bit more queasy than I would have liked, but I’m grateful that we didn’t have to miss the excursion entirely, as it was our last chance in 2024 to ride on it.

For Adam, it was the water robot. It mixes two things he loves, and within a couple minutes he was able to control the robot’s movement around a little water tank. With other kids waiting, we had to swiftly move on from it, but he kept asking to go back. As our visit to the event wound down we made sure to go back so he could enjoy it more.

For Aaron it was roasting a marshmallow with a parabolic mirror! He’s only 3, so he had some help, but lighting a marshmallow on fire and then enjoying the sugary result of the roasting was definitely memorable. He now routinely asks if we can light marshmallows on fire at home, hah!

They had several student robots teams throughout the event, and elementary schools that had various small activities for kids to build little STEM activities, including a sling-shot made out of popsicle sticks, rubber bands, and a plastic spoon, which we had fun with, launching ping pong balls into buckets.

The event also featured four bouncy houses that were available to the kids for free, which was a nice treat. It’s no surprse that both boys had a ton of fun with those.

Unfortunately it was a very hot day. We left shortly before noon when the temperature got up to 95 and I was beginning to wilt, later that day it soared over 100.

We had several days of unseasonably warm weather, but one of the upsides of this is that during the Sunday morning swim classes that the boys go to they often complain of it being too cold to walk to BART to take it to classes and we drive instead. But when it’s 80 degrees at 8:30AM, it’s not too cold! It’ll probably be one of the last ones of the year that we could take BART to instead of driving, so I definitely wanted to take advantage of it. Plus it’s funny to watch the boys run home from the train station in their bathrobes.

After the weekend I took Tuesday evening off to enjoy on my own. First I walked over to my favorite local sushi place for a quick dinner, then I went to visit our local one-screen theater to see “The Wild Robot” which was a really well-done movie. It was one that I was supposed to see with Adam before we all came down with a cold, so it was a little bittersweet, but I’m still glad I went, and it was a nice break for me.

Unfortunately, we’re not robots, and we got sick again this past week. Aaron got sick with a stomach bug on Tuesday night and couldn’t go to preschool on Wednesday. Adam got sent home from school with a stomach ache on Thursday, and I came down with it on Thursday evening, totally destroying my Friday and causing me to reschedule a doctor appointment. It’s probably the worst stomach bug that’s swept through the whole house.

Thankfully we were all feeling mostly better by Saturday and could ease back into the world, and gave me time to wash everything that sickness may have touched, and clean up the temporary crib mattress we put on the floor of the family room that the kids took turn sleeping on as the illness made their way through. Here’s hoping for a healthier month ahead!

Thankfully, we didn’t have grand plans for my birthday, and instead I was simply welcomed with a beautifully themed cake as we celebrated with just the immediate family and our former au pair who dropped by with flowers. And no candles, because no one wants someone with a cold blowing on a cake, regardless of the infection status of everyone else.

My birthday present was quite the treat though, tickets to Niles Canyon Railway on their steam train! For two weeks in the future, which was good, because there was no way we were going out on my birthday.

On Tuesday of that week was the culmination of a TON of work: IBM Z Day. I wasn’t a track lead this year, but I put together the developer journey and consulted on several sessions, and I gave a talk in the Academic Symposium with Matt Germonprez of the CHAOSS project about the importance of open source software. I think the session went well, and thankfully I was feeling well enough for it.

On Wednesday night Rosh Hashanah began! I made honey cake with the boys, but unfortunately our bread maker broke and the new one didn’t arrive until Thursday so we couldn’t make round challah before the holiday. We participated in evening services virtually after the boys went to bed, and the next morning I took the boys out to the park to run around for a bit before morning services at 10:30AM, which we also joined virtually. The bread maker also arrived, and while strictly not appropriate to bake challah on Rosh Hashanah, we did anyway. A round challah! Which came out pretty decently. Plus, being able to bake the round challah together helped get over some of the disappointment of missing the fancy challah baking event the weekend before.

In the late afternoon, we cut up a bunch of fruit and figured out how to extract the seeds from a pomegranate to enjoy some fruit and honey.

Happy New Year! We’d like to finally attend services in-person again next year, but things just didn’t come together for it this year, especially with everyone being so sick in the days leading up to it.

If I’m honest, it was a lot for one week. I really wish we hadn’t gotten sick, but with little ones in school it’s tricky to avoid it, as we’d also discover two weeks later when we all got sick again. Oof!

The day began with checking out a couple buses, and then getting in line for the Blackpool “boat” tram. The boys and I went on this one ourselves as MJ had to run off for an errand nearby. Aaron also had his Studio Ghibli Catbus with us all day, while I had my MUNI Catbus t-shirt, so we made quite the pair throughout the day.

It’s number 233, and painted with green livery (as opposed to the red) and came to San Francisco in 2013. I’m glad we managed to get on this one, as it’s the one that the boys have a poster of hanging in their room and have never been on before. In preparation for the day, I listened to the Ahoy! episode of MUNI’s “Taken with Transportation” podcast to get a refresher on these trams, and it made the adventure that much more fun as we sailed past Ferry Building on our journey down the Embarcadero.

At Fisherman’s Wharf we got off and got some great pictures while the operators took a break. To get back to Ferry Building we took one of the regular service F-Line vintage streetcars to mix things up a bit. Plus, it got us back faster, which was important because the boys were hungry. We met back up with MJ and had lunch at a nearby hamburger joint.

From there it was time to visit some vintage buses! I think the boys like buses more than trains, so this was probably their favorite part. We started off with a ride on the MUNI AM General 4154 from 1975. It took a loop through SOMA, making its only stop at the Caltrain Depot, which was a very specific stop for the day because Caltrain was also having a celebration: for full electrification of their San Francisco to San Jose route. As you’d expect, there was overlap in folks enjoying festivities for both transit agencies. Once that loop was done, we visited the booths in the plaza for a little bit to geek out with fellow transit fans.

Our final ride of the day was upon Adam’s request, the 2230 Mack Diesel Coach from 1956, with the very distinctive Pepsi bottle cap decoration on front. All the buses take the same loop, so the scenery was the same, but we all enjoyed it just the same.

Our final stop was the museum and gift shop, where Adam bought a boat tram post card with some coins from his wallet (and a little help from my Member discount). In all, a very satisfying day! And I was so happy to share it with the whole family.

Activities with kids is one of those topics that I wasn’t prepared for at all as a parent. I quickly discovered that my own after-work hobbies are largely incompatible with small kids. There’s also the unexpected mental load of managing what we’ll do every evening, because if I ask them, they’ll likely reply with some grand adventure and a desire for cheeseburgers. So, every day, I think things to do and evaluate my energy level to make sure the options won’t cause additional stress. Once I have my list, I can give the kids something to choose when I take over from our au pair at 4PM.

This may seem like I’m giving myself too much work by being so prescriptive about this (“just let them play!” “when I was a kid I didn’t come home until sunset!”), so I’ll start out by saying “just play!” is definitely something that lands on my list. But overall if we don’t have plans to choose from it’s a whole night of me telling them “no” to whatever complicated thing they want to do, which is dreadful for everyone. And they’re only 3 and 5 years old, things will loosen up as they get older. Besides, it’s great bonding time, I am grateful for the ability to have so much time with them and if we can go on grand adventures in the evening, we will!

Loosely, this is our evening schedule:

• 4 – 5:30PM: Activities
• 5:30 – 6:30PM: Make and eat dinner
• 6:30 – 7:15PM: Wind down activities, no screens (too close to bedtime)
• 7:15 – 8PM: Bedtime routine

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

• Just play! They have lots of toys and free play is so important to development that they use their imagination
• Play outside: bikes, drawing with chalk, bubbles, toys
• Outdoor picnic: we even bought little baskets and checkered paper to make it a whole event
• Baking: banana bread! muffins! cupcakes!
• Make mini-pizzas for dinner
• “Pizza party” with a movie downstairs and pizza we order
• Art: either a project I’ve put together, or their ideas
• Play-doh or Kinetic Sand
• Lego construction
• Homework: it’s optional in Kindergarten, so it only really comes up when they’re in the mood
• Puzzles
• Board games
• Chores: they sometimes like helping with dishes, or laundry, or taking out the trash, and I have to do this anyway…
• House organization: they love seeing all the junk I can pull out of our closets and discovering new treasures
• Limited computer tinkering: I have to be very careful, but Adam sat by while I replaced a failed harddrive in my desktop recently
• Holiday decorating: Outside hanging lights, putting decorations in windows and around the house
• Errands: Grocery store, bank, Target runs (via BART)
• Dinner at the mall (via BART)
• Go out to a playground
• Gardening: water plants, weed lawn, plant new plants/seeds
• Kitchen science experiments: So much baking soda
• Lots of TV (good for when I’m sick, tired, or just can’t even, hah!)

This massive list was an evolution that started with nothing. There were several Google searches around things to do with kids, and then we had to tailor it to what our kids actually like. But we never spent much time around kids before having our own, so it’s all been a learning experience. Plus, these are pandemic kids, we couldn’t leave the house for two and a half years and had to get creative. No play groups, no library activities, nothing that I would have normally hooked into to keep the kids engaged with the world.

To help sort through this and make the kids less anxious about “what are we going to do?” we have a physical visual schedule that they can operate themselves by picking out pictures from the options I provide. We implemented the visual schedule over the summer to help bring some structure to their days so they knew what to expect, but it works brilliantly for evenings and weekends now that they’re back in school.

Still, as much as I value this time together and these activities, I miss my old hobbies and I’m an introvert who needs recharging time. A while back we decided to get a babysitter once a week so I could spend the evening on whatever I want, without parenting responsibilities. Unfortunately, we got busy, things came up, and I didn’t make an effort to prioritize these nights, and so they didn’t happen. I think I was getting a little burnt out over the summer after some rounds of sickness through the house and some extra things on my domestic plate. Lyz nights had to make a return! And this time, with a priority flag. I started taking them in early September.

I spent my first Tuesday just relaxing in the back yard in the hammock and some TV on my tablet. Another evening on my own I went out to the local one-screen theater in town and saw Beetlejuice 2 and then went out for sushi at our favorite local place.

Our local library is open until 8PM on Tuesdays, so that’s a nice place to spend time at if I’m just looking for a quiet place away from home to read for a little bit, which I often am. Last night I spent playing a Wallace and Gromit game on my Meta Quest 2, which I hadn’t touched in months! It needed updates and the controllers needed new batteries, hah. I then watched a little TV and picked up some pizza from The Slice House, which recently opened in town.

I expect to do some grander adventures in the future outside of town and with friends, but again, we’ve all been reeling from a series of colds and I’m putting a higher value on rest right now. Most importantly, having this time to myself allows me to look forward to tackling projects or just taking a break from the weight of responsibility that parenthood has brought. And this break allows me to recharge a little bit more, and be my best self for my family.

Last weekend we took advantage of the beautiful weather by visiting one of MJ’s colleagues up north where his family has a bunch of animals, including a horse, mule, and mammoth donkey!

The boys haven’t spent much time near large animals, so it took a little time for them to warm up to the idea of entering their enclosure. Both of the boys enjoyed climbing into a dry riverbed in their back yard. Adam got to run around their back yard with a wheelbarrow and help sweep out a part of their [freshly empty] aviary enclosure.

The promise of getting to see inside the barn is what finally got the boys in with the animals, where they both got to brush the horse and donkey while they were munching on some hay, and Aaron got to feed the horse some carrots. I wouldn’t say they got comfortable with them, in fact Aaron got a little spooked toward the end and climbed up me screaming when the donkey walked by him, but they are big, and I think it’ll just take repeated exposure to them to reach the comfortable state. As for me, the mammoth donkey was an absolute delight.

The boys also enjoyed snacks and Adam got gracefully introduced to chess while Aaron found the drums in their living room, both precisely on brand for the boys right now. It was a fun afternoon, and I’m really grateful for them opening their home to us for a visit.

On Sunday morning we had swim class, but were then off to the annual Hayward Executive Airport Open House. We’d never been to this airport, it seems mostly focused on private aircraft and training, but we do drive by it frequently, and I suspect most of the small planes that fly over our house are based out of there. The event offered an opportunity to see the airport, and had a bunch of local government services, the parks department, library, and others with booths giving out little goodies for the kids and sharing about their community services. The boys got to hop in a helicopter, as well as various police and fire vehicles.

Aaron and I took a stroll around some vintage cars, and there were a number of small aircraft on display. We grabbed lunch from some food trucks, and then at 1:40 we had our slot to get a tour of the air traffic control tower! The boys were absolute champs getting up six stories of stairs to get to the top, but I think they were briefly amused by the lights and monitors in the tower, even if their patience quickly waned, and MJ and I certainly enjoyed it more.

After the tower, it was time for a plane ride! A couple local groups were giving 15 minute rides over the east bay in a series of small Cessnas. MJ and I have both been in Cessnas before, but I love the experience whenever I have the chance. Commercial flights are so detatched from the whole flying experience, intentionally so, but a ride in a small plane is such a delight, it really feels like flying! MJ went up first with Adam, and then Aaron and I took a ride in the same plane with the same pilot. I’m not sure that Aaron could really see outside the plane, but he sat up front with the pilot and seemed to have fun looking at all the switches and dials.

By the time the flights concluded the event was wrapping up, so timing worked out nicely. I had planned on getting some house stuff done when we got home, but my sleep hasn’t been the greatest lately and we were all pretty tired when we got home. Pizza was ordered and baseball was enjoyed for the rest of the evening.

This upcoming weekend only has one adventure planned, MUNI Heritage Weekend! So we’ll be up in San Francisco on Saturday, but Sunday we’re planning on just doing swim class in the morning and trying to spend a chill day tinkering around the house for the rest of the day.

My first A’s game!

Over the years we’ve gone with friends several times, and made date outings as well. In the fall of 2021, one of the first big outings we had was taking the boys to their first MLB game there at the Coliseum in a rented suite. Sometimes when I just needed an afternoon off and some fresh air I’d grab some last minute tickets and take myself out to a ball game.

We celebrated my 40th birthday there, ran the bases on Father’s Day, and generally really enjoyed having a connection to the team and the stadium.

It’s been clear for several years that the owner wanted to move the team, and after rounds of negotiations, the deal was sealed earlier this year, the A’s would be moving to Las Vegas. This was their last season in Oakland. It’s been sad difficult to accept, but as the end of this era of Oakland baseball is upon us, we decided to see one final game at the Coliseum. On the afternoon of September 8th we took BART over to see the A’s play the Detroit Tigers.

We snagged seats in Section 122 and invited our friend James out to join us. Gaby also came with us, so the six of us ate helmet nachos and ice cream as we watched the game and took in our final laps around the stadium.

The boys definitely had their patience wear out toward the end of the game, but I get it, they’re young and an entire baseball game is quite long to them. They were kept slightly engaged only by the promise of walking the bases at the end of the game, one last time. That was a lot of fun too, even if there was a very long line for it.

We weren’t multi-generational fans, but there are memories and we’ll miss going to games so close to home. It’s not an end of baseball for us though. We enjoy the San Francisco Giants, and we’ve spent much of this season following the Phillies. Still, it’s sad for us and Oakland lose the last major sporting team.

Farewell, Oakland Athletics.

Fortunately, I have a great life, so personal hardship doesn’t make it worse. I also don’t have depression that’s debilitating enough to keep me from work and from the care of myself or loved ones. I am grateful for this, I know how lucky I am. It’s very hard some days, but it’s still possible to cope, even if I’m not feeling like my best self. And keeping our lives activity-filled on weekends does help keep my mind off how I’m feeling.

Retail therapy and seeing something to completion also help a little, perhaps unfortunately, but it did mean that finally getting a couch ordered and delivered for my office was a high point. We’ve actually done this before, but the couch was moved into the family room and we really like having it there, so we ordered an identical one to replace the one in my office. It’s actually a sofa bed, but it’s not a traditional one with a thin mattress, it’s the Serta Ainsley (Monroe on Wayfair) and it’s quite comfortable both as a couch and a bed. Since my home office doubles as a guest room, it’s nice to finally have it back, plus it’s a comfy spot to work from when the mood strikes.

We’ve been getting out around town lately, and the end of August brought one of our favorite events, Castro Valley Cruise Night! People bring their antique, vintage, and tricked out cars from all around the area to simply cruise down the boulevard. It’s just a couple blocks from home, so it makes for a very easy event for us to attend. A few booths from local law enforcement and emergency services are set up to meet the community, big speakers for music are set up midtown, and the community really shows up with folding chairs and snacks to hang out and enjoy the cars. It’s one of those events where we really feel community, and it’s energizing and makes me proud of our diverse little town. After doing some walking, we ended up at our favorite sushi place for dinner, and then got to enjoy the rest of the sunset and walk home and keep the boys out too late, oops. But we all had fun.

Last weekend we made it back over to the Chabot Space & Science Center for their first Friday event, and this month it was Science Fiction themed! We’re members, so it was a free event for us, but it would have been worth the price of admission. We were delighted to discover that the Sacramento Astromech Builders brought a couple droids that responded to activity, so the boys and I had a great time engaging with them. They also had face and arm painting of space designs, which Aaron was eager to get, and then Adam was too once he saw how great Aaron’s turned out. Since the event ran from 6-10PM we got to peek into the telescopes before and after sunset. Before sunset we went to their two smaller, older telescopes to see a couple stars, which were just pinpoints of light. After sunset we went over to their biggest telescope and saw the Ring Nebula! Aaron especially really seemed to enjoy that it looks a bit like a doughnut.

I didn’t realize until I got home that I was also wearing R2-D2 socks!

Aaron sits for some arm art

That Saturday marked the Castro Valley Fall Festival, which, yes, is held at the end of summer. It was warm out, but thankfully not overwhelmingly so, and we were able to enjoy a couple of hours there. I bought a couple local themed t-shirts from an artist there and we had some good food truck snacks. One booth had watercolor paining that the boys enjoyed, and there was a petting zoo! Aaron got a pony ride while Adam spent some time with older kids on a climbing structure.

Every Sunday morning the day has begun with the boys in swim classes. We actually started when we were in Philadelphia back in June and did them through July, then took a break in August as we settled back into school routines here in California. They’re held at a gym that’s about a 10 minute drive or 20 minute walk and single stop BART train ride. So far we’ve done both, and the boys definitely prefer the BART ride when it’s warm enough to take a stroll through parking lots and down sidewalks in their bathing suits and towels.

I’m happy to say that as of yesterday, they both graduated the first level of swim survival classes! Next Sunday they’ll have their first “Minnow” lessons, having completed the “Starfish” level. Luckily for us, they had openings in the same time slot, so it won’t be a big change for any of us.

We’ve also been putting some thought into what other activities to sign them up for. I feel like this is one of those things that really blind-sided me as a parent. I vaguely of knew about extracurricular activities, but it takes a lot of work on the part of the parents, and there’s a lot of pressure to sign your kid up for the “right” one. I’ve watched with a bit of shock how hard it is to get into some activities and the lengths people go to in order to get on the right lists and programs. Then I discovered that ones that are almost as good seem to have open availability. I obviously want our kids to be served well by the programs they’re in, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about parenthood it’s that the needs and values of the whole family need to always be factored in when making decisions about what we commit to. We’ll see what fits the criteria for us in the coming months.