Dishwalla – Counting Blue Cars
I am not sure why I felt so awful yesterday morning. Maybe I was tired from the lan party on saturday, maybe I was a little depressed after writing that letter to my father in rehab, maybe it was just a hormonal imbalance that makes me feel bad sometimes for no reason. I really don’t have anything to be depressed about, and I honestly hate it when I feel depressed. I don’t have to work, and I’m well taken care of. I have a beautiful apartment, a loving and nurturing boyfriend, I’m relatively healthy, and so is all my family. I just feel so selfish when I’m depressed, I have so much to be thankful for and it’s like I take it all for granted and get self pitiful for no reason. Maybe I really do have some sort of chemical imbalance that makes me feel this way… I mean most of my mother’s family IS on some sort of anti-depressants, and they say things like this run in families, I am just reluctant to medicate myself… but maybe it is the right thing to do? Or maybe I am just not feeling fulfilled enough, maybe I should just get a job, even if it is part time at a store or something, I think I need more social contact than I get. Maybe that’s my problem? I have a lot of very good friends online.. and I am friendly to all Myk’s good friends, but in real life I am desperately lonely for companionship outside the realms of the relationship I have with Myk. Thanks for the comments yesterday, it’s nice to know that there are people who care %) and I am feeling much better this morning.
Yesterday afternoon a friend of ours invited us to go to an amusement part with them. It was the last day of vacation for him and his girlfriend so they wanted to do something, and the evening special at the park seemed like a good idea to them, from 4 to 7:30 (when the park closes) you can get a $10 pass to go on rides you want. It would have been fun to see them, but by the time we spoke to her it was already 3 in the afternoon and we weren’t even dressed yet. It wouldn’t have been til about 5 that we’d get to the park, so it wouldn’t end up being worth it… Ended up just staying home. Around 7ish Myk suggested we head up to Exton (about 45 minutes away) and check out the The Drafting Room location there (the local one is the one we went to on my 21st bday)… turns out they have the raspberry lambic that I like *on tap* (the cherry is my fave, but the raspberry isn’t bad). So we went up there, got lost getting there of course, lol, both Myk and I are masters at getting lost of course %) Ended up almost in Delaware before we turned around, almost gave up, then saw the exit we needed to take. So it was about 9:30 before we got there… the food and the drinks were great, the raspberry lambic on tap was really impressive, I had one of those, then a bottle of the cherry… we stayed there for a while, even had a cappuccino before leaving, in all it was a really nice evening.
So we came home and I watched adult swim (it was around 11:30 that we finally got home). I wandered in to look at chat and the irc server was all *down* Apparently the network admins on the other 3 servers we are linked to decided that they NEEDED to change the name servers last night, whether Myk (the owner of the hub, and most powerful connection of them all) was there or not. So the just disconnected our server and made the changes they needed to, so last night while Myk wanted to relax he had to fix everything on the server so it would be up again. It was all quite rude on the part of the fellow admins, couldn’t they have waited til they were all there? Or if that was difficult at least EMAIL each other to say when the change would take place? Honestly it was quite ridiculous. Anyway it took a couple hours to straighten the whole mess out, during which I wandered off to read for a bit. I finished Mort yesterday… I’ll post a review when I get a chance to write up one. Started reading Orson Scott Card’s Treasure Box yesterday, and I’m already halfway through, its really quite good, I’m impressed… but then again I tend to like Card.
Ah so the lan party on saturday. It turned out to have a pretty good number of people, 10 I think in all…and unfortunately THAT was when I started feeling crappy. Depressed at a lan party! I love lan parties! I had been looking forward to this for over a month. And yet after 2 hours of Battlefield 1942 I was bored. They ended up playing it for 6 hours. I wasn’t about to ask them if we could play something else ’cause everyone was having so much fun, so I just hung out on the couch with one of the dogs and watched tv. I mean I did play some… and around midnight after they decided to finally stop playing BF1942 I got on and played some Warcraft 3. I mean I guess part of my problem was my computer doesnt even meet the minimum specs for the game, so sometimes it freezes up, and I have to systematically reboot every other map or so just to avoid that, it was getting annoying… but even when Myk offered to let me use his computer I didn’t want to play, ugh %( it sucked. It was nice seeing everyone tho, even if I was a supreme party pooper. Also got to meet a good friend of Myk’s that I had played UT with online, and chatted with before but never met. He was pretty funny.. made this comment when someone joked about spraying water in the house with all the computers around, “oh the computers don’t work after you let those sparks out” Heehee. I was laughing for almost 5 minutes. It was fun hanging out with people anyway, even if I was in a lousy mood, we even got pictures this time! %)
I woke up at 6:30 this morning. I don’t know why, it wasn’t until after 2 that I went to bed last night, stupid insomnia! You know how sometimes you wake up and you start thinking of something that upsets you (possibly a dream reminded you of it) and you just start thinking about it so much that sleeping is impossible? That has happened to me a lot lately, and this morning is no exception. SO now its 9 am and I’m still awake, writing in my xanga journal, yay. I will probably go to sleep again after I write this, or at least try… and I’ll focus on thinking happy thoughts! I just need to think of happy things to think of so the stupid bad ones don’t keep invading. It’s going to be a bit difficult to fall asleep I think tho.. the people are outside doing yard work and it’s making my allergies act up… allergies in the end of October! bah!
Anyway, I did get an email this morning cheering me up. Another person emailing to tell me they like my site (princessleia.com) … this time they especially liked the Lyrics page, which is a bit embarrassing since I have really neglected that section lately. Anyway, it’s always nice getting emails from people about my site, it makes me feel like it’s all worth doing, since people go there and enjoy it… sometimes (usually when I am depressed and irrational) I feel like it’s all just a complete waste of time.
I guess I’ll go try to get more sleep now so I don’t end up crankie and tired later this evening. I think we’ll prolly go grocery shopping today, maybe head up to a nice beer shop later so we have nice beer to drink this week while Myk has off.. but in all probably a pretty mellow day, the way this whole week should be… *wanders off*