o/` Stabbing Westward – The Only Thing o/`

I didnt write anything yesterday, never really had a chance.. er I did, but I used that chance to chat instead. Saturday I said I probably wasnt going to do much, but I ended up going to the … wait for it…. MALL. I just have one thing to say about that experience:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I didn’t actually *want* to go to the mall. As people who know me know, I HATE malls, and this hatred goes much further when the month is December. Not that I don’t like shopping, I’m a woman so at least that instinct is intact ;) But actually going to a store, and having to look for what I want, having to deal with PEOPLE is really annoying. Like I have said before, online shopping was made for people like me, besides, with online shopping you not only get cool stuff, but you get packages in the mail too! And getting packages in the mail is fun. Anyway, I went to the mall in December because I needed cookie sheets, and cookie cutters, and a rolling pin, and cookie tins to put cookies in… I know they sell most of these things at the grocery store, but they tend to be really expensive and the quality is questionable.

This was the first time I drove myself to the mall ’cause I told Myk I’d go out and get all the errands done myself. I get to the mall and then spent 20 minutes looking for a parking space. That 20 minutes was HELL. At one point I was stopped in the entrance to part of a parking lot only one car width wide (one way since it’s a very busy part of the parking lot), and instead of letting me go this other woman decided she wanted to squeeze her car in next to mine going the wrong way! Then of course it caused a big traffic jam because she couldnt move until finally I backed up the jeep so she could get out again and go down the correct lane *UGH* I finally found a space in the back of the mall, WAY far out in the parking lot ’cause I didn’t want to deal with people long enough to get a closer space, I CAN WALK %) I get into the mall and it’s insane as expected. I go to stores primarily looking for cookie cutters, ’cause if all else failed I could just get everything else at the grocery store… and I couldnt find any!!! Went to the Disney store and all their xmas stuff was marked down! Same with many stores, and the selection sucked, what are these people thinking? I ended up walking around the mall for almost an hour, I ended up getting some of those little wire hook things to hang up bulbs on the tree with, and then just went to sears and bought a couple cookie sheets (they didnt have cookie tins that I could find OR a rolling pin, UGH!). I resolved to either just have round cookies or hope I found something at the grocery store.

So I get to the grocery store plaza and there is a “Michael’s” next to it, where they sell crafty stuff, so I decide to go there to see if they had cookie cutters. All they had were individual BIG ones that were like $5 each … and then they had “generic” ones that were like a star, moon, heart … so I just got those. Then I noticed a “Bath Body and Beyond” store and remembered that I wanted to get bubble-bath. So I walked over to that store and saw tons of kitchen stuff! GAH! I didn’t need to go to the mall after all! So I was able to get a couple Christmas-themed cookie cutters, a rolling pin, and some cookie tins. So I get back to the Jeep and put the bags in there and realize that I forgot to get bubble bath, DOH! I am such a woman.

Then I went grocery shopping and got all the cookie ingredients and then went home. In all this entire venture took about 4 hours… It was good getting out of the house I guess, even if the mall was insane. When I got home we put up xmas lights on our porch, they look nice too, even if we are the only people in our part of the complex who has lights up. We’re going to take pictures of the tree n stuff in a few days once we have firewood, so we can take a pretty picture of our fireplace and decorated mantel with a fire in it.

Last night I found out something interesting… Baking Powder has an expiration date! And not “in ten years” but like, 2 years… Now this wouldnt surprise me but I could have sworn that my mother had the same baking powder for like 7 years, hehe. Maybe I just didn’t notice she bought more, but what the hell do you use baking powder for? My mother certainly did not do a lot of baking from scratch… *shrugs* In any event, I am not going to use all that before 2 years is up, I wish they sold it in smaller quantities.

Going to get my PA license prolly on Thursday. We would do it earlier, but Myk can only leave work so early and the DMV usually closes at 4:15… if we got there at 3:30 it would be difficult to get everything done before the close, but on Thursdays they are open til 8 .. so going there at 3:30 wont be a problem, and hopefully it wont be too busy.

I love coffee.

So I have been reading the second volume of the Outline Of History by HG Wells. And I have been learning quite a number of interesting things. In school they made it seem like Asia and Europe were quite separate and had no influence over each other until after Marco Polo, they *stressed* this even, which is odd, because I have found several instances where there is interaction, usually through Christian missionaries, but also through invading armies that clashed along the transient borders between Asia and Europe, and through a bit of trade. I mean granted, the influence was not much, and news didnt travel much, but they really did know about each other, and they weren’t as isolated as I was led to believe, I hate school. There are also lots of interesting facts that would have made me more interested in history if people had only pointed them out! Like the Pope who began the Inquisition was Pope Innocent III .. innocent! HAH! and that “Normandy” was named for the “Northmen” (vikings) who settled the original (located in what is now northern France)… and Gypsies are called “gypsies” because they are rumored to have come from Egypt. See, there are lots of interesting things about history that I just don’t know. I also noticed from reading this history that Wells wrote this for “the common person who didn’t know much about history” … but it’s often that he makes references to world geography that I just don’t know much about. Granted, Wells lived in England, and I am sure people of England know European geography better than I do, but it’s definitely made me learn more in an effort to visualize everything explained in the book. But it seems like 80 years ago when this was written, so many things like geography were common knowledge, and they really arent anymore, sad.

Speaking of sad, recently I was talking to a friend. He has a girlfriend who has a lot of health problems and was saying that he doesnt want to be “burdened” with taking care of her when he gets older and she cannot take care of herself. This was really surprising to me. I mean I guess I can see where he is coming from, he’s young, and doesnt want to grow older *knowing* that he’ll have to take care of the woman he loves, but does he really love her if he sees it as a BURDEN? I can see myself in the same situation, if Myk was somehow going to get older and end up in a wheelchair and I had to take care of him, and I don’t see that like that at *all* It’s a change, and it may be difficult, but by no means do I see it as a deturrant. And what if this guy breaks up with this girl because of her health problems and 15 years into his real marriage his wife gets into a car accident? Would he be willing to take on the responsibility of taking care of her then? I guess it’s just a question of how much you love someone … I’m sure he’d take care of someone he truly loved, but right now he just doesnt see it like that…

Uh, so maybe you will notice that I took down the banner that says “PrincessLeia2’s Journal” and replaced it with just normal text. I did that ’cause we moved princessleia.com and wallaceandgromit.net down to our home connection last night (sooner than I had expected, but that means I can put up my guest-book soon, yay). Anyway, the image is hosted there, and now whenever anyone sees an image linked to my site it “uploads” to them, thus making my connection slow and sucky. So to avoid so much lag on my connection I am taking down images I have in places other than my site that I really don’t need. If you go to princessleia.com the load time is a little slower than before, but as long as I don’t make it too image intensive it’s still fast enough for people to browse, it’s not painful anyway. And although my page gets a good number of hits, it’s not like it’s constant so my connection shouldn’t be *too* terrible

Is anyone still reading this entry? Congrats.

I was a bit stressed out yesterday. I guess it’s ’cause on Saturday Myk and I talked about me getting a job, and an entire of year of procrastinating came crashing down on top of me. It’s so EASY to say I will go out and get a job in the field I want to, so easy to say “sometime in the future I will …” but when the future comes rushing up at me I just tend to run. Excuses, rationalizations, completely avoiding the subject and hoping it will go away. I’m scared. I feel like I had an entire adult life looming in front of me and I don’t know what to do, I feel so inexperienced and stupid! So it all came down to me breaking down and crying while Myk tried to explain to me what he went through at my age. And although I am still scared, it’s not quite so bad. Myk told me not to worry about getting a job, because currently the things I say about not having a job arent just excuses, they are the truth! To get even an entry level position somewhere I need a car, preferably contacts in the area to help me get in the door, and some sort of community activity (which again, requires a vehicle). I dont have a car, I dont have friends around here (well I have Myk’s friends…). But I still feel that although these things are holding me back a bit, I am still hiding behind them. I know I will freak when I get a car. So I sorta talked to Myk about this, and he said something really profound “There is not much more to life than this.” Now I have spent MONTHS worrying about the future, and working myself up about it, that this worrying has created a HUGE cloud of confusion and fear in my head, and it’s really not all that bad. I get a car, get a crappy tech job, and work my way up from there. Building a career does not begin with your perfect job, I *know* I don’t know enough to do well at my perfect job. And if I really love what I do (and I do, I love computers) I will be happy, even a crappy tech job is better than working at a grocery store. So I guess I wont be going up to the plaza near here and getting a job… We cant afford a car for me at the moment, but we will work toward that, so eventually I will. And in the meantime I will continue striving to learn everything I am interested in and that will benefit my future.

I am much less scared now, I love Myk so much. It’s nice to have someone to drag my crazy worrying into perspective %)

This entry has been long, I should end it now so I can go get some work done %) *wanders off*