I don’t tend to have the type of friends that send me stupid forwards, but the workplace is a different story. People here delight in sending out junk to everyone, each time I delete it and send a polite email back to them asking not to send forwards to me.
But one boring afternoon I decided to read one, the subject was: “A good idea”
For some reason, instead of deleting it, I filed it into my miscellaneous folder. I’m glad I did, this stupid mail has stuck with me. Not because it’s a good idea, but because it’s such a horribly perfect example of the misplaced sense of entitlement that so many middle-class Americans have.
And so I proceed with my sarcastic, liberal response to this. I didn’t send it back to the person who sent me it, but perhaps I should have.
Oh and I’m not going to mention that the woman who sent this to me has a signed photo from Laura Bush in her cubicle because this really is a non-partisan issue and I don’t entirely blame our inept president.
Oops.
From: Co-worker
To: Everyone, in, the, office
Subject: FW: Fw: A good idea re: Gas Prices
> This is certainly worth a shot and it helps protect
> the troops in Iraq at the same time.
I’m sure.
> I heard we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon
> by the end of summer. Want gasoline prices to come down?
> We need to take some intelligent, united action.
I agree, let’s stop buying popular grocery-getting giant SUVs!
> Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea:
Let’s hear it Phillip, no let me guess. We rally to make the government and corporations pass energy policies that actually encourage conservation and development of new technology that doesn’t depend on a non-renewable natural resource!
> This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the “don’t buy gas on a
> certain day” campaign that was going around last April
> or May!
Gosh I hope so!
> The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew
> we wouldn’t continue to “hurt” ourselves by refusing to
> buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it
> was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea,
> has come up with a plan that can really work.
I don’t know about the oil companies, but I laughed because this is extraordinarily short-sighted. The fact there were 2432 different versions of this forward, each with a different no gas day, aside.
> Please read it and join with us!
OK Let’s hear it!
> By now you’re probably thinking gasoline priced at about
> $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $3.19 for
> regular unleaded in my town.
$1.50 is super cheap. The demand world-wide has increased dramatically over the past decade, and gas prices go up in that model just like everything else.
I’m quite sure $3.19/gallon is still the cheapest gas in the world.
> Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have
> conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas
> is CHEAP at $1.50-$1.75, we need to take aggressive action
> to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace…. not
> sellers.
Oh, I’m conditioned by the oil companies and OPEC nations? Sorry, I thought it was basic economics – supply and demand. I don’t deny that the oil companies do things to exaggerate this model, but they aren’t entirely to blame for gas prices doubling. This rate that you give is quite reasonable.
But I agree that we do need aggressive action, make your next car a fuel efficient car, you’re just commuting to work everyday after all, why do you need a Hummer? Cutting your gas consumption by more than half would drop demand, prices will come down. You know who else this will teach a lesson? The car-makers, we want fuel efficiency, not giant SUVs that get 8MPG.
> With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we
> consumers need to take action. The only way we are going
> to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in
> the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas!
Yeah, that’s what I said.
> And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves.
Bu
ying a more fuel-efficient car doesn’t hurt yourself. Crash tests have shown that those giant SUVs aren’t more safe than a safe car. Do some research into safety tests and then buy accordingly.
Additionally, there is no risk in raising the awareness about the lousy energy policy in this country. Contact your local representatives and tell them you want your state to pass stricter policies when it comes to fuel efficiency and vehicle emissions. Several states already done this. It might lead to a short-term rise in how much it costs to get your car inspected, maybe you’ll need to put a few bucks into the vehicle for it to run better, but in the long run it will help.
> How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can’t just stop
> buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if
> we all act together to force a price war.
“War” seems like a strong word, but alright.
> Here’s the idea:
I can’t wait!
> For the rest of this year, DON”T purchase ANY gasoline
> from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON
> and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be
> inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices,
> the other companies will have to follow suit.
Wait, what? This sounds as silly as the no-gas thing. Do you work for a competitor to Exxon/Mobil? More importantly, do you seriously think this will work?
[EDIT] I don’t deny that Exxon/Mobile is evil, I just don’t agree with the reasons outlined in this email
> (Tony’s words: I already don’t buy gas from Exxon/Mobil because
> they get their crude oil form the Middle East and some of that
> money ends up supporting terrorists to help them kill our troops
> and I’ll be damned if any of my money goes to terrorists even
> if it’s unintentional because my son is a Marine, so I buy
> gas at either Gulf or Sunoco because they get all of their
> crude form the US or Venezuela.)
Holy crap. Tony, I’m sorry, you just totally threw me for a loop. Do you know what else indirectly supports terrorism? EVERYTHING! Especially that Ford Explorer in your driveway.
Maybe I was harsh, I just got myself labeled a liberal who doesn’t support our troops. Everyone knows that Venezuela is our buddy, just ask Pat Roberts. We certainly should buy from them instead, there haven’t been any whispers about us invading them too if we had the resources *cough*
> But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of
> Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It’s really simple to do!! Now,
> don’t whimp (sic) out on me at this point.. keep reading and
> I’ll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!
Please don’t, or I’ll be forced to degenerate further from a liberal political commentary to “Email Cartoon” sarcasm.
> I am sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you
> send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)… and those 300
> send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) … and so on,
> by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people,
> we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!
(Now you’ve done it!)
And if you don’t forward this you’re not a patriot and maybe you are a terrorist and hate america and you’ll never get a boyfriend!
> If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten
> friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!
> If it goes one level further, you guessed it…… THREE HUNDRED
> MILLION PEOPLE!!! Again, all you have to do is send this to 10
> people and DON”T purchase ANY gasoline from EXXON and MOBIL.
> That’s all.
MATH IS NEAT!!!
> How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out
> to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION
> people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!
> I’ll bet you didn’t think you and I had that much potential,
> did you! Acting together we can make a difference.
OMG LOL LOL LOL!!!!11 THAT’S AMAZING!!!
> If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.
i don’t understand all ur math :( but u sound smart i will forward it to every1 in my addre
ssbook kthxbye!
> PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30
> RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.
ALRIGHT BECAUSE I AM ENTITLED TO CHEAP GAS BECAUSE I LOVE AMERICA!
> THIS CAN REALLY WORK! It will work even FASTER if you send
> it to everyone in your email program. I just did.
OK MY EMAIL PROGRAM AOL CAN SEND EMAIL SO FAST LIKE ASAP BBQ!
I’m done now.