I was sitting at work earlier this week, people came back to the office after their daily lunch trip and someone had bought a strawberry shake.
A strawberry shake is something my father asked for while we were visiting him at the hospital. Annette went to go get one, asked at the cafeteria, at the breakfast lunch stand, she was gone for about 20 minutes. She came back with all she could find, a strawberry yogurt drink. He hated it. Here he was, in his hospital bed, less than a couple weeks to live, and all he wanted was a strawberry shake, and I didn’t get it for him. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt, and almost burst out crying there at my desk.
I attributed this near outburst to being so tired, and being moody, but I suspect there is more to it than that. It wasn’t about a strawberry shake, I think I’m guilty about not being there until the end. For having the feelings I had, for not visiting more, for not calling more, and for rationalizing all the reasons for these things. I didn’t think I’d feel guilty, I guess this is a part of the mourning process.
When I got home that day I pulled an envelope out of the mailbox, it contained my father’s Death Certificate and his Obituary.
“Carl A. Krumbach
SOUTH PORTLAND — Carl A. Krumbach, 53, of South Portland, died Tuesday, December 7, 2004 at a Biddeford nursin facility.
Carl was born in Englewood, N.J., the son of Otto and Jean “Lohman” Krumbach. He grew up in Ridgewood, N.J., where he was educated and a graduate of Ridgewood High School and recieved his bachelor’s degree from Bethany College in West Virginia in 1973.
In 1978 Carl established the James W. Cater Jr. Communications Scholarship at Bethany College, which continues to present annual awards to a deserving student at Bethany.
At age 19, he and his brother journeyed around the world and kept a journal of his travels. Carl worked as a Corporate benefits Consultant for Metropolitan Life and Unum for 16 years.
He is a member of Redeemer Lutheran Church in Gorham.
Survivors include three children…”
Receiving this in the mail was an interesting ending to this day.