I feel as thought the quality of my blog has gone down. I don’t have as much time for it as I used to, so when I sit down my thoughts tend to pour out in a jumbled mess. This jumbled mess isn’t helping my writing skills any. I think I am going to try to take more time and put more thought into these entries from now on.

I am excited about the new year starting.

This past year has had a lot of wonderful things happen, we bought a house, got a lovely cat, I started working again, we’ve met some new interesting people. My life rocks %)

But it’s also been difficult at times. With a new house there are all sorts of stressful problems have occurred, and unexpected expenses. Then I’ve had to watch my father’s health deteriorate, and my sister get into all sorts of trouble with the law. I watched my other sister start failing in college and then be force to take time off because of my father’s illness, I watched my mother’s marriage fall apart and the subsequent mess after that. Then last month I had to see my father withering away in a hospital bed, and this month I had to deal with his passing.

The end of this year has really got me down, and it’s not been so easy keeping myself from being depressed. But I’ve had some long conversations this week, and worked through some of the difficult things.

I’m feeling MUCH better now %)

I was going through some old journal entries today, and discovered this one. It’s when I had finally decided on the breed for our new kitten. When I saw this entry I was especially struck by the picture of the Mau I had posted. It’s a photo of an award-winning smoke colored mau, and he is nearly identical to Caligula. I’ve seen lots of pictures of adult smoke Maus, they come in a variety of shades and markings, so finding one so similar to my kitty is amusing. It made me think back to when we bought him, the breeder had mentioned that they considered selling him to someone who would show him because she believed he had that potential with his well defined spots and nice coloring. I assumed she told this to everyone %) </bragging-about-caligula>

Today we’re planning on going to Media to meet up with some friends. A new used bookstore opened up near them, and they are making some of their much talked about chili. Now that we’re eating beef again I can enjoy it! Since we’re supposed leave around 1 I should probably go get showered…

*wanders off*

Over the Christmas holiday weekend I spent some time eating fish, snuggling by the fire, reading, and fighting with gentoo unstable.

Apparently Gentoo Unstable is normally fine to use, but over the past couple weeks I’ve encountered a few problems that were making me crazy. I considered reinstalling to get back to stable. I even thought of going back to Debian.

Not to say that I don’t enjoy wrestling with computer problems from time to time, but I work a lot now, and some days I really don’t want to have to fix things.

The first problem was my sound. It’d been a bit broken (had to manually modprobe rather than from startup script) for a couple weeks, and neither Michael nor I had the time to try and fix it. Eventually I found the problem was with module-init-tools and my kernel version (yay gentoo forums!). I fixed it by downgrading module-init-tools (although now Michael tells me there is a fix out). Next I had problems while updating, compiles of a few programs (pango, gtk+, mozilla) failed me with freetype errors. I couldn’t find a solution from the forums, but ended up downgrading the freetype package, and that seemed to fix things.

We don’t have many plans for this vacation week, mostly just relaxing, reading and playing with computers %)

Oh and it snowed last night %D About a half of an inch, yay snow!

I haven’t been feeling very “me” lately.

It’s probably because this month has just been lousy. When things get lousy I get lazy and eat food that’s bad for me, I stop doing things I enjoy and end up sleeping and watching TV. Although these things feel right at the time, they end up just making me feel more lousy in the end. When I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago I learned I had put on 6 pounds. That’s no good.

Now I have a week off of work, I hope that I can fix myself in that time, and maybe this cold will finally go away!

Enough depressing stuff.

Tonight we’re going to Michael’s grandparent’s place for the traditional italian seven fish on Christmas Eve dinner. Mmmm seven fishes.

I love Christmastime, and it’s the first Christmas in our new house! The first Christmas with little Caligula!

So I’m thinking about what I want for Christmas. It may seem late for that, but since we don’t actually celebrate Christmas as Christmas, why be on time? It’s just an excuse to buy a new toy. After talking to a friend of mine who recently got a palm I remembered… hey I want a PDA that reads digital books! So that is now my quest, to find a good one for under $200. I don’t need all sorts of bells and whisles, just the ability to hold a few books in text format, decent battery life, and I’d appreciate the ability to sync it up with linux (although having to boot into Windows wouldn’t be the end of the world). And I want to buy new, none of this ebay stuff, I don’t have time to deal with problems that might arise from such a purchase.

Any suggestions?

My nose won’t stop running, I keep getting sinus headaches, I’m coughing my lungs out, everything aches.

Goddammit I have a cold again!

Even worse, this week is a crazy busy week at work because of the holiday, more calls to make, less time to make them. Oh and if I call in sick to work my co-workers will hunt me down and murder me for leaving them with so much to do :D

Today we had the lamest office party ever. We had to provide the food (except for some cold cuts, which the boss complained were not given to us on a discount because we bought in bulk). And since we’re so busy, we needed to work the whole day. Bleh.

Now I’m gonna go watch Nova *yay*

Last night’s dinner at La Famiglia Ristorante was great. I wasn’t so sure how it’d be, because I have only casually met a couple people from that office, and I’m horrible shy with people I don’t know. We got there a few minutes early, only one other guy was there. Soon enough more people arrived, and we enjoyed a few glasses of Chardonnay from the open bar. I got to meet some of the people Michael works with at the company. Had to sit down often though, heels were a horrible idea! We encountered two other women who were complaining about how their shoes hurt their feet, sheesh. Dinner was amazing, and so was my bottomless wine glass (which made walking in heels even more of a challenge). We got to go down to the wine cellar and it was huge, they said there were over 20,000 bottles of wine, ranging from $10 to well over $1000. Nice. Dinner was delicious, and we had good company at our table, it was fun. I sat next to a guy from the New York office who told me all about how much New York has cleaned up since 9/11. Later in the evening I tried some Grappa in a cute little grappa glass, which I had tried before at a friend’s house, but this had a bit more flavor to it, wow it’s some crazy stuff! Dessert was nice too, it was all nice. I guess I was quiet for most of the night, so my shyness did show up, but I had a nice time. We left a little after 11, and I was pretty toasted. Yay for bottomless wine glasses! And so ended my first corporate office party.

Today I spent the day making cookies (which I took pictures of, but they’re unaccessable at the moment). Made some Sugar Cookies and some Christmas Sand Tarts. Yum yum! Then I made some spaghetti sauce, which we had with dinner. It was a good day, and I was happy to get a lot acomplished that I kept putting off. Never did get around to doing Christmas cards though. Oh well.

While I was thinking about Christmas cards, I also decided to start looking around for some stores that made prints of digital photos. I’d heard that pharmacies are really trying to make their digital processing services more popular, and I ended up on the CVS website. It’s pretty cool, you can either go into the store with some sort of digital media (flash card, floppy disk, cdrom, even some photo taking cellphones) or submit the digital photos online with a nice little form, and then go to the store to pick up the photos the next day. This page explains it. And for only 29 cents per print! I’ll get some nice photos together and try out this service.

We got our first accumulated snow tonight!

We have a nice fire going downstairs, I am going to go down and enjoy it for a bit.

*wanders off*

Tonight we’re going to a company dinner provided by a company Michael does work for. The dinner is being hosted at La Famiglia Ristorante in Philadelphia, and we need to dress formally.

Dress formally? Egads, I haven’t done that in years!

So I looked in my closet. Being more geek and girly, I don’t have lots of clothes, or many pairs of shoes of shoes, so I had to frown while going through my closet for something to wear.

I have two dresses.

This one, which I wore for graduation (under my white graduation gown). It’s definately a spring/summer dress with it’s spaghetti-string straps.

And this one (boy was I chunky in high school!), which is white with pink flowers. Definately a spring dress.

I have some skirts and a blouse I wear for job interviews, but I worry that’s not formal enough.

It’s a week until Christmas and I need to go to a clothing store. AAAAHH!!! I hate malls/shopping as it is…

Wish me luck.

Working in an office with a bunch of women is an interesting experience.

In the past it’s either been retail work, which had plenty of women, or an office populated by men (when I was doing web development work). So when I first got this job I wasn’t sure what to expect. Sure I had heard stories about the sometimes giggling, sometimes bitchyness, often gossipy world of such offices, but surely those stories were exaggerated.

Nope.

It’s amusing when someone comes in, mutters “I’m in a bad mood” and everyone in the office works to stay out of her way. It makes me chuckle to see how easily giggling fits can break out when people are quitely talking in a corner for too long. But it’s the gossip that’s most noticable, and what prompted this post in the first place.

I won’t deny that gossip is sometimes amusing, I share the same human interest in things that are none of my business as everyone. But it’s the extent to which these women go to talk about other people that amazes me. One gets up to go to the rest room, she comes back to someone telling something about someone else and eagerly says “ooh what’d I miss?” Someone walks through the office and the next thing I know it’s some gossip about him. And about each other! I have heard some sort of dirt or snickering comment about everyone else in there, and all that makes me think is “gosh, what do they say about me?”

Being submerged in so much silly gossip is a bit mind-numbing.

Oh, and remember a post a few months back where I talked about the music there? Awful adult contemporary stuff. Well it’s gotten worse, now they listen to a rap/R&B station half the time. The other day it just got to be too much.

“<Co-Worker> can you do me a favor?” I said.

“Sure, what?”

“Change the station please, it’s making my ears bleed.”

As I expected, that brought a few chuckles, but now each time they want to “punish” me (like when they found out I was going on vacation between xmas and new years, and leaving them all there to do work) they change it to that silly rap station. Oh, and they make jokes about my ears bleeding now too.

Luckily the work is good, so I am not driven insane by all this. And I can come home and read.

Read. Lately I’ve been reading Spam Kings, it’s a story about spammers and anti-spammers. It’s interesting to read for “historical” value, I didn’t know much about the history of the spam wars before I picked it up, but most intriguing to me is how it’s written. It’s told as a story, and in it has normal quoted dialog like in a traditional story, but the dialog is lifted from emails, instant messangers, and newsgroups. It’s really surreal. Can you imagine a newsgroup posting of yours, or a part of a journal entry, or something you said in IRC put into print like that? I suppose it was inevitable.

*wanders off to bed*

Happy 1st Birthday Caligula!

First off, thanks to everyone who commented on that last entry, it helped.

On Tuesday night I talked to my Aunt Elaine about my father’s passing. I also let other members of the family know, so I spent a lot of time talking online as well. My sister Heather is taking it hard of course, she’s been with him through everything.

Wednesday morning I went to work. I guess since I have never had to deal with the loss of someone close to me I didn’t know what I needed. I woke up that morning and said “Call out of work, why? So I can just mope around all morning? There is nothing I can do at home.” After a few hours at work I realized that each time I stopped being busy I felt like I was going to fall apart. Oh. That’s why people take a few days off work when they lose someone.

I needed some moping time. Moping is sometimes good.

I ended up leaving work around 1pm, my supervisor gave me her home phone number just in case I didn’t want to go in on Thursday. I’m thankful to have a temp job that’s so understanding and supportive, she even told me I could take the rest of the week off.

I got home and some flowers were delivered to me, from a couple of my friends. How sweet! I might have been feeling all disconnected, but flowers do help somehow. They’re pretty and made me feel good to know that people care enough to send flowers.

Michael made a fire in the evening, and I spent some time reading. I talked to a friend on the phone, then spoke to my mother (turns out she didn’t know until 1pm on Wednesday, Oops. Most of her family knew before she did…). I spoke to grandparents (mother’s parents), and later talked to my Uncle Dan (my godfather). They were all pretty upset, but it was really nice to hear from them.

Thursday I ended up staying home. I puttered around most of the morning, made some cookies in the afternoon, my first time using my spiffy new mixmaster. It was an ok day, mostly I just needed the alone time to think. I recieved flowers from work in the afternoon, that was nice. Also got a few more books for the Philly Chix library.

Friday I went back into work. It was a decent day, I kept busy. That night we had some friends over, had a few beers and pizza. I had fun, needed to have some friend time.

Saturday I spent reading almost all day. I’m reading Orson Scott Card’s Alvin Maker series for the first time, it’s pretty good.

Today… I dunno. Perhaps I’ll try and fix Gentoo. It’s being bad and crankie with modules. This might be my fault. Bleh.

My father passed away this evening. My aunt called me on my cellphone when Michael and I were in the car, coming home from work this evening to let me know.

He’d been ill for quite a long time and I knew this day was coming, but nothing quite prepares you for when the day actually comes.

I’m upset… I’ll write a more coherent entry about this eventually.