Final baby prep, Thanksgiving, and a pandemic haircut

Monday, Nov 30th, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

Less than one day to go! As I’ve mentioned, due to Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy, I’m being induced into labor at 37 weeks, which means I’m going into the hospital tomorrow morning. I’m nervous, excited, and not quite feeling ready, but I will be grateful to conclude this pregnancy. Having a newborn is exhausting in ways I never felt exhaustion before, but at least I’ll finally be able to share the load instead of fighting through the pelvic pain, gestational diabetes, and dozens of visits to the doctor on my own.

In the two weeks I took of vacation prior to my maternity leave I’ve been getting as much pre-baby stuff done as possible, while also resting while I can. The big thing was making sure we found everything we needed. I knew we had it all from just two years ago when Adam was a newborn, but over that time I’d stuffed it into closets and spaces all over the house as new clothes and items came in. I succeeded for the most part, but it was a lot of work going through closets, rediscovering everything, and making sure it was all washed. Thankfully, our au pair helped a lot with this too, she washed all the baby clothes and got them organized into the dresser, after helping MJ move said dresser/changing table into a common area near the kitchen. Getting the bassinet and infant car seat fully cleaned and set up was quite the pile of chores as well, but I’m happy to say that’s all complete!

I do admit being a little sad about my home office. It’s where our little one will sleep while I’m on maternity leave, and over night until his sleep regulates enough to share a room with Adam. We moved the printer into a common area and swapped out the sofa bed for the nursery chair a few months ago, but otherwise it’s my office with a baby overlay. My little world in here is being taken over! But if I’m honest, I didn’t have a lot of time for myself anyway last time around, so it makes sense to surrender this room. I do still need my own little space though, so MJ and I went furniture shopping in town and picked out a big, fluffy chair to put in our bedroom. I’ll use it as a recovery spot, for pumping, and if I need an out of the way place to work if there’s a time collision in my home office. It’s a great chair that I’ve already been enjoying quite a bit, so I’m really glad we went with a new piece of furniture instead of trying to just make something else work. Plus, I was happy to patronize a local business that has likely been hit hard by the pandemic this year.

Beyond baby things, we have finalized holiday preparations!

Thanksgiving was a few days ago. Given my due date, we were never going to be able to spend it in Philadelphia, as is our tradition. This year the added risk of pandemic travel made it unthinkable. Instead, we celebrated as a household by picking up a traditional turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy, steamed veggies, rolls, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie catered meal for 4-6 people from the diner around the corner. It worked out really well. MJ picked up the meal around 1PM, we transferred the various dishes to oven-safe dishes and heated them up in our pair of ovens for 40 minutes. By 2PM we were ready for dinner, with the house smelling of cooked food, but without the actual cooking! Not being home-cooked, it wasn’t the best food I’ve had for Thanksgiving, but it was satisfying, and I managed to keep my glucose levels under control even with getting a second small helping of stuffing (my favorite!). We did have dessert three hours after dinner so that I could also a sliver of pumpkin pie, but it worked out since we were all so full from dinner anyway. It was also nice to dress up a little for a meal. We’ve definitely slipped into comfy clothes all the time around the house mode during this pandemic!

I managed to get holiday cards out as well. This was important because while I enjoy the process, it is tedious and time-consuming, so it wasn’t something I wanted on my plate after delivery, and I would have felt sad if I skipped it this year. Plus, Hanukkah beings on December 10th this year, so getting them out by the end of November was actually quite reasonable.

Hanukkah prep was the last thing on my list, and I’m pleased to say that we succeeded there too. Picking out Adam’s presents for eight nights was pretty easy, but it was trickier for incoming #2. What do you get for a newborn who doesn’t play with toys yet and already inherited everything he needs from his brother? We managed to come up with some ideas with the help of our au pair. He’ll grow into some of it over the next few months.

Beyond gifts, I realized that I really enjoyed the tradition I started in Philadelphia last year of putting all the Hanukkah gifts inside the train tracks of the O-scale train I keep there. So I looked around for a train that would meet the requirements, and ordered a train set, tablecloth, and table that I was able to get set up the weekend prior to Thanksgiving. Next was wrapping all the gifts as they were delivered over the past couple weeks. The table is now overflowing with gifts! Adam really enjoys the train, too. When we return from our morning walk, he insists on sitting with me and playing with it for a few minutes. It’s a detour I’m happy with, I have someone to play with trains with!

I mentioned taking Caligula to the vet in my last update post, and unfortunately that visit led to a diagnosis of kidney disease. I can’t say I was expecting it, but we’re also not surprised. It’s common in older cats, and he was showing signs we were familiar with in Simcoe when she was diagnosed at just five years old. So far he hasn’t had a specific “crash” incident, which is great, and his kidney values don’t rise to the level of needing subcutaneous fluids yet, so we’re starting off with a diet change to better support his kidneys. This is easier said than done in our very picky kitty, but there are non-prescription options we can try too. He now has quarterly vet visits on the schedule to keep an eye on the progression and adjust treatment as needed. Coming to terms with this diagnosis has been tough though. He’s already exceeded the generic lifespan of his breed, but he’s been part of my life since he was a tiny kitten, I never wanted to admit he was getting old, let alone developing illnesses that could hasten the conclusion of our time together. Still, with treatment he should have a good chunk of time left, and we’ll do everything we can to make sure he’s got the best care we can offer.

In last minute preparations for the hospital, I also concluded that my hair was getting too long. I don’t get it cut very often, but when the pandemic hit it had been over a year! I’ve been cutting MJ and Adam’s hair at home for months now, but I hadn’t gathered up the courage to have MJ cut my hair until the weekend before Thanksgiving. Thankfully, my hair is straight and simple, so it was relatively straight-forward and he did a great job, even if it was a bit nerve-wracking. I’m sure I’ll be grateful for the low maintenance of short hair during delivery, recovery, and while we have a newborn at home!

And with that, I will return to whatever final home preparations I can squeeze into today. It’s going to be quite an exciting week!

Filed under: family, food, kids, life

Adjusting traditions in 2020

Monday, Nov 30th, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

We are living through a global pandemic. Today, just days after Thanksgiving, the US is enduring the biggest wave of the virus yet. Cases and deaths are increasing in areas that haven’t seen powerful previous waves before. Even where we are in northern California, where cases have trended high, but manageable, hospitals and public health officials are bracing for a crisis. With this in mind, I was quite disheartened to learn that the Thanksgiving travel surge was still occurring, with airports packed with travelers and people continuing to willfully defy public health recommendations.

Traditions are important. It was one thing that was impressed upon me when I decided to go down the Jewish path with MJ in our marriage and to raise our children Jewish. Whether it was repeating the same meal during Passover every year with the same Exodus story or reflecting upon the past year during the High Holidays, as someone new to these traditions they made an impact on me. Now, perhaps someone who has experienced them their whole life may not see it, but the fact that repetition and tradition are so woven throughout much of Judaism and other religions is something that caused me to pay attention to it.

So what do we do when that tradition is disrupted? It’s hard, but we’re adaptable. In fact, I learned this year that changes to the underlying tradition can sometimes make things more meaningful and memorable.

With all of the major, family gathering Jewish holidays already behind us for 2020 and all celebrated during the pandemic, and with Christmas around the corner, I wanted to share thoughts and experiences my Jewish family has had this year.

Many congregations have closed their doors since March, including ours. Everything we’ve done has been virtual, and our first big holiday occurred in April as we celebrated Passover. Passover consists of a ritual meal called a Seder, during which you read portions of Exodus to focus upon Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. Many families do two Seders, one with their family at home, and a second night community Seder with their broader community. MJ and I have typically just done the community Seder, with the exception of when we’re in Philadelphia for Passover and we do a first night family Seder.

This year we did both for the first time!

We ordered food from Wise Sons, a Jewish deli in San Francisco. They provided all the pieces for the ritual Seder plate, and we also did catering from them of traditional foods for the real meal following the Seder. We read from new Haggadahs, shipped to us from PJ Library, and muddled our way through the traditions. Doing this on our own was a real learning experience and one I will truly treasure. Our past reluctance to do it ourselves mostly stemmed from not wanting to make a fuss for just the two of us, but now that we were finally nudged into doing this family Seder ourselves, we’re much more likely to do it moving forward as our family grows.

The second night was up in the air. How can you do a “community Seder” without physical contact with your community? We went in an entirely new direction for this. Our synagogue hosted a virtual Seder, but with the whole world open to us, why not try something new? Instead, we were invited to do one led by a fellow Philadelphia transplant to the Bay Area who was hosting a Zoom-based Seder with his friends from across the country. A Seder over Zoom would have been unthinkable in years past, and we weren’t sure how it would go, but it was the responsible thing to do and we found it to be quite enjoyable! We were able to experience the meal with different people, some of whom weren’t Jewish, and from a different Jewish perspective (led by a conservative, rather than reform, which we are).

Passover 2020 was unusual, but memorable and special in so many ways. We missed seeing on congregation, but fellowship was possible, we were all safe, and we kept our communities safe.

September marked the arrival of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the High Holidays, the most important holidays on the Jewish calendar. Commemorating the Jewish New Year and Day of Atonement, respectively, these are traditionally held in the synagogue with services beginning in the evening, people adjourning home for the night, and returning the next morning for a day of services and holiday-themed events. Yom Kippur itself is a fasting holiday, which concludes with a large community meal to break the fast.

With how important these holidays are, it may seem unthinkable to not gather together for them. I admit, it was tough being away from everyone, especially since we hadn’t gathered with the congregation in some time. In some ways the High Holidays didn’t make as much of an impact this year because we couldn’t be together. In other ways, they were more meaningful. Sacrifice for the good of the community are core tenants of most religions, and Judaism is no different. By forgoing the in-person gathering for the safety of the congregation and our community around us, were were making a sacrifice very appropriate to the spirit of the faith, and that holds tremendous meaning when you pause to frame it that way. Going without a big gathering this year means that most of us will be there to celebrate next year, and many years to come.

Our congregation did several Zoom-based events, and then pre-recorded services, which were then released on YouTube. We were able to watch the evening and morning services from home, which was actually quite nice with the tough pregnancy and with a toddler running around. The services were nicely done, but not too nice as to make us feel like we were watching a polished production. It was meaningful and special in its own way.

Being distant from our congregation also led me to experiment a bit. Since we’d always been at the synagogue for Rosh Hashanah and enjoying all the baked treats and goodies to celebrate the new year, I’d never had anything at home. Last year in Philadelphia we picked up some honey cake, but that was about it, all celebrations were outside the house. This year, without access to the congregation’s array of foods, I decided to take the time to make honey cake. It turned out great, and now we have a recipe to use in the future to enjoy part of Rosh Hashanah at home with a new tradition.

Another thing many religious organizations have been doing is special fundraising drives to address the needs of the more vulnerable community members. Giving has always been a big part of Jewish traditions, but the need is more obvious this year as we’ve heart-breakingly watched those without safety nets be left behind and put into truly dire positions. As this year winds down, more turmoil faces those who are most vulnerable to this pandemic as even more of those safety nets are disappearing, both health-wise and employment-wise. It’s truly a time to pause and be grateful that we have jobs and homes, and it epitomizes what I always thought was key to the Christmas season, even if I no longer celebrate the holiday itself.

Filed under: family, food, kids, life, reflection, spirituality

In the time before the baby arrives

Wednesday, Nov 18th, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

I wrapped up work last week, concluding with a week that included two days of training to become a Certified ScrumMaster, a discussion-driven talk at an ACM-W chapter, a talk at the Linux Application Summit, and a talk at SeaGL. It was probably too much, but I love what I do and if I’m going to be away from work for four months, I’m absolutely going to make it a dramatic exit! I also had a lot of work to hand off and to complete some projects. I didn’t complete as much as I wanted to, but it really is just four months, one of which will be taken over by the standard holiday slowdown. It was strange for me though. I’ve taken time off between jobs before, but I’ve never taken leave from a job. Even with Adam, I took my maternity leave between jobs. I’m also just generally bad at shutting off. My work is so intertwined with who I am and what interests me, that I can’t just shut off without walking away from social media entirely. So if you’ve seen me talking about mainframes on Twitter this week, you know why! It is a relief to no longer have work obligations though. With doctor appointments becoming more frequent in these final couple weeks, it would have been impossible to keep up with everything.

In these two weeks before I go into the hospital I’m taking time to finish up personal and house projects, write (hello!), and do as much as we can to prepare for the new little one. One of the first things I tackled was finally getting a little bit of art put up in my bathroom. I searched around a lot for something that resonated and came up empty. That’s when I realized that I should just go all in Me and use one of my green streetcar photos (the bathroom is green and purple). It came out better than I expected, I’m really pleased.

We also had some much-needed electrical work done in the kitchen and FINALLY managed to get a vendor to provide a quote for the composite fence we want. Both are big to do list items house-wise, so while boring, it does feel nice to have them move along. The crib is also set up in my home office where it will live while I’m on maternity leave.

I’ve been working to figure out Thanksgiving and Hanukkah plans. We’re going to order a Thanksgiving dinner, but we’re still a bit uncertain as to where from, and stores are already starting to sell out of things and I need to decide soon. Hanukkah will happen after the birth, but I want to be ready with wrapped presents and everything is set up before we go into the hospital, since I know I’ll be too tired and sore to do it after.

Thankfully, the cool weather and rain have started to roll in for the winter. We’ve had clear skies here for a few weeks, but the fire risk has remained high so we’ve had to stay vigilant, with an eye on the air quality. The changing weather should pave the way for the conclusion of fire season, and we’ve been finally able to shut off the air conditioning!

I was also able to bring Caligula into the vet this week. We’re still waiting on some test results, but we’re already seeing some real concerns as he approaches his 17th birthday next month. But one of the hidden benefits of all of us being home bound with this pandemic is that we don’t have any trips interrupting our time with him right now, he never likes it when we’re away for a while.

Speaking of the pandemic, things are getting bad again. We’re sitting here at the beginning of the holiday season (Happy Diwali!) and cases are already rising fast nation-wide. Our county, along with most of California, was quickly thrust back into a more restrictive tier with little notice to try to stem the looming crisis, and hospitals are preparing for a large inrush of patients. It’s a scary time to be preparing for a hospital visit that I can’t avoid. Giving birth is not elective, and it’s quite time-based! Maternity wards are traditionally separate from the rest of the hospital for security and medical safety, and the sanctity of that area will never be compromised, but I do still worry about being in a hospital during what could very well be the worst phase of this pandemic. I think the biggest risk is that I will need emergency care related to the birth after we’re discharged. I hope I can get it if I need it.

The other big news this November has been the election in the US. The Trump administration has caused a considerable amount of heartache, fear, and straight up loss of rights for so many of my loved ones. Living in a state that a sitting president is openly vindictive against has been a roller coaster. Even my own family has been impacted with the rise in anti-Semitic sentiment and crimes nationwide. When MJ and I had a Jewish wedding seven years ago, I happily agreed to raise our children Jewish. I would make the same choice again, but given the political climate today I would have a lot more to consider if I were making the decision again. It’s been a long time since I naive enough to believe we lived in a post-racial society, but living in a coastal bubble with diverse neighbors and doing a lot of international travel for the past decade has wildly skewed my perceptions. As I watched the progressive changes made during the Obama administration to increase access to health care for everyone and extend rights for my LGBTQ+ loved ones, I believed we were moving toward a better future in a unified way. So I was naive enough to believe that. I do still believe the pockets of bigotry are shrinking, and I have hope for the future, but they are tempered with a large dose of reality from these past four years. It was with that optimism that MJ and I went to the polls on November 3rd.

The next several days were nerve-wracking as the initial numbers showed a close race, but with Biden solidly leading at this point, even with impending legal challenges, I feel much better. Biden wasn’t my first choice, and I won’t be shy about voicing my opinion when they inevitably get things wrong, but the freedom to do so is one of the things I love about the United States. Ultimately we have a lot of work to do and we have to be prepared for the long haul. But at least we’ll have a politician who wants to do right by all the American people and won’t be aggressive to states and departments he doesn’t like. I hope to see my sons grow up in a kinder, safer world than we live in today.

Filed under: caligula, family, health, life

Holiday cards 2020!

Saturday, Nov 7th, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

Every year I send out a big batch of winter-themed holiday cards to friends, acquaintances, and anyone who made there way to this blog post somehow.

Reading this? That means you!

Even if you’re outside the United States!

Even if we’ve never met!

Send me an email at lyz@princessleia.com with your postal mailing address and put “Holiday Card” in the subject so I can filter it appropriately. Please do this even if I’ve sent you a card in the past, I won’t be reusing lists from previous years.

Disclaimer: My family is Jewish and we celebrate Hanukkah, but the cards are non-religious, with some variation of “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” on them.

And yes, it probably seems like I’m doing this early this year. But Hanukkah begins on December 10th and we’re expecting our second child in early December, so I want to make sure I get the cards out by Thanksgiving in the US (November 26th).

Filed under: holiday cards

A Pandemic Halloween

Monday, Nov 2nd, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

As far as holidays go, Halloween is my favorite. Costumes! Candy! Spooky decorations! Scary movies! Most years, I queue up a show or series of movies to get in the mood throughout the month of October. I even took my costumes on the road when I had to travel for work on Halloween, incorporating travel into my costume. One year I dressed up in a Godzilla hoodie for my travel from Japan to San Francisco, and another I dressed as Carmen Sandiego for my flight from Florida to Paris.

I was pretty excited to finally experience trick-or-treating with my own kids. Last year Adam was only 10 months old, so we met up with another mother and kiddo pair and dressed him as a dragon to go around the Castro Village Shopping Center where restaurants and shops were giving away candy and there was live, kid-focused music and entertainment. We spent the evening handing out candy to the 40 or so kids who came by and rang our doorbell. At the time, it was impossible to know how different this year would be.

With a pandemic raging throughout the country, plans had to change drastically. At home, we started with pumpkin carving! With Adam being so young we didn’t bother, but we took the opportunity to do it this year now that he could watch and get his hands into some pumpkin guts. MJ was on pumpkin seed duty, with his job separating the seeds from the rest of the pumpkin and then baking them.

Due to our proximity to the BART station, and a love for BART trains that I get to share with Adam, I grabbed a stencil of BARTy for my pumpkin! Our au pair did one of the Cheshire Cat. I was quite pleased with how mine turned out, given my limited artistic skills!

As for Halloween itself, some communities put together “drive-through” candy collection with spooky themed booths to drive past. Several more inventive folks put out candy in candy shoots so they could still see and say hello to trick-or-treaters, while maintaining a safe distance. Others had other kinds of fun candy dispensers. We set up a table out front that kids walking by could partake from, and then watched from an upstairs window. We had fewer than 20 trick-or-treaters, but it was still fun.

It would have been Adam’s first trick-or-treating Halloween, but not many neighbors had put out candy and it was better to just walk around for a few minutes and wave hello to the neighbors. Plus, Adam doesn’t really eat candy, and on my gestational diabetes diet I can’t have much either, so it’s really just a cruel temptation to have it laying around.

So we played outside for a bit, took some pictures before it got dark, and then retired inside for the evening.

In all, it turned out to be a very satisfying Halloween and we had a lot of fun. It was tiring though. The third trimester is taking a lot out of me, and while we were packing up the table at the end of the night, I definitely felt it. The last holiday we have on our agenda before the second kiddo is due to arrive is Thanksgiving, and that’ll be a low-key affair. We’ll find a place that will cater a dinner for four and pick it up, keeping cooking and clean up to a minimum.

Filed under: castro valley, events, family, kids

Holidays, birthday, and furniture assembly

Sunday, Nov 1st, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

The pregnancy has definitely been front and center in my life as I entered the third trimester. It’s been a difficult one, and on top of the GDM diagnosis I recently wrote about, I’ve had some other puzzling test results lately that have caused concern. I’ve also been once again diagnosed with Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (ICP), which I am not surprised about since I had it with the last pregnancy and there was a 60% chance of it happening again. Thankfully, it just means that I’m going in for non-stress tests twice a week, starting last week, and then induced again at 37 weeks, which was a good experience for me last time. That means the new kiddo is scheduled to come in early December. I also started long-acting insulin this past week over night to control my fasting glucose levels.

Still, regular life continues too!

The high holy days concluded a few weeks ago with Yom Kippur, on September 28th. As I mentioned in my last post, observing these holidays remotely has been a different experience, but it turns out Yom Kippur wasn’t that much different. Last year we attended Rosh Hashanah family services as guests at a congregation in Philadelphia, but I got sick just before Yom Kippur and it prevented us from traveling back to California in time to attend services as planned in person in San Francisco. As a result, Yom Kippur was observed via a live stream from a synagogue in Philadelphia. This year we did the same, only from home in California and a new stream from our home congregation in San Francisco. I guess the silver lining to all of this is that attending services at home with a toddler, while pregnant, is a lot easier than going there in person! But it was still sad not being there.

Then on September 29th I had my birthday! I ended up taking the day off from work, making it a four day weekend. I’d been working a lot lately, and I really needed a little down time to rest and catch up on some personal project work. I did make a couple requests for my birthday though: pizza and cake. The family came through, I had my over-priced east-coast style pizza for lunch, and before Adam went to bed we all enjoyed a little birthday celebration, complete with cake, flowers, presents, and balloons (I think the balloons were more for Adam though!). It was also a good thing I didn’t wait on the pizza and cake, I enjoyed them in blissful ignorance of the upcoming GDM diagnosis.

Adam is continuing to grow as he rapidly approaches turning two years old in January. The daily challenge has been keeping him happy while we’re all still stuck at home, and frequently inside with the smokey air that continued into October. His latest new toy is a Brio-style train table, so he has more trains and a spot to play with them on, which he loves. The other new addition is a toddler stool that can be used to more easily wash his hands and brush his teeth at the sink, something he’s really excited about and my pregnant self is grateful for, as picking him up to wash up was becoming increasingly difficult as he gets bigger and I get later into the pregnancy. In mid-October the smoke finally started to disappear around here, so we’re now able to bring him outside more often, now it’s just a few mornings and afternoons here and there where we’re stuck indoors. Still, at this point I really struggle with the energy for more than 20 minutes at a time, so I’m thankful for our au pair who takes him out often, and MJ who will often take him out for evening walks.

Adam helps me build his toddler stool

On a personal project note, as September wound down, so did the PSIGenix IRC Network. It’s the network my ex-husband linked to as a home for a now-defunct social channel we used to have. I stayed on as an administrator when he de-linked and moved on, but it was now time for everyone to move on. Traffic to most IRC networks has been dropping for over a decade now, and the remaining key stakeholders were no longer interested in running it. I have enough server resources that I could have swooped in and rescued it, but as loyal as I am to IRC, I didn’t want the burden of running a network anymore either. On October 1st, with a heavy heart, we shut down the servers and I moved my personal channel over to Freenode.

I mentioned the solar work happening on our house in my last general post back in September. Progress is being made! The physical work is pretty much done (just some painting and patching to do). We’ve passed the first inspection so we’re now just waiting on the operation certificate, which could take another few weeks and require another inspection from a different agency. Still, it really is cool to walk into the garage and see that lovely array of Powerwalls!

This week we also had some electrical work done. It desperately needed to be done, but was incredibly disruptive as a whole chunk of wiring needed to be replaced in the kitchen, access of which was gained by cutting holes in the wall of the family room. The family room is where Adam spends a large chunk of time, and between that room, the kitchen itself, and where our dining room table was, we had to get creative with our lunch plans. It was a great opportunity though, we got to try out the new convertible bench-to-picnic-table set that we assembled last week! They aren’t the most beautiful of outdoor furniture, but they were inexpensive, flat-pack shipped for free, and were easy to assemble. It’ll get us by until we are able to tackle the landscape remodel on our five-year plan. Plus, I actually quite like them for now! We had a lovely little picnic lunch.

And then we assembled even MORE furniture! As my bedtime routine gets longer with my third trimester, with glucose checks, insulin injection, and blood pressure check, standing in my bathroom the whole time was getting tiresome. My bathroom has a lovely vanity, which I never bought a stool for, until last week! It’s funny that I’d never bought one until now, but I don’t do make-up and my bathroom time was historically short. In just a couple days of use, it’s already so worth it. As exhausted as I am by the end of the day, I don’t dread the routine as much as I did a few days ago. Plus, Adam helped me assemble it, and gave it the first test drive!

Looking out at the next month, and assuming all goes according to plan, I’m still at work for the next couple weeks. I have four events on my schedule, obviously a higher load than I’d have if the events were in person! But one of the unexpected gifts of COVID-19 and virtual events is the flexibility to do more events this late in my pregnancy. September and October were similarly busy for me, and I’m glad I’ve been able to keep my participation up for so long. My last day at work will actually be presenting at SeaGL on Saturday, November 14th, which is particularly amusing for me because SeaGL was also the last conference I did before Adam was born! Of course I traveled to Seattle for that one. The rest of my time at work is being spent getting logistical stuff squared away and making sure a large chunk of my work is triaged while I’m out for a few months. I’m actually finding it a little tough to leave work behind, but this bonding time with family is so important to me, and sleep deprivation with a newborn is no joke!

Filed under: family, health, life

Gestational Diabetes Diagnosis

Friday, Oct 23rd, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

I’ve talked some before about the frustration I have around pregnancy health. With pregnancy being such a personal and health-related thing, I think a lot of discussion around complications and how we’re feeling during pregnancy is also personal, and some of it taboo. It’s pretty rare when I see pregnant people share in public about the struggles they face, and I only really learn about them when I’m forthcoming myself, or join a private group that’s specific to the topic.

I don’t like that. I feel like I’ve gone into pregnancy and motherhood so blindly because of how everyone slaps a rosey picture on it. It’s only when you peel back the layers that you get to the jokes around parenthood, and the raw truth that created those jokes. Pregnancy has been so hard for me. I don’t feel like a glowing miracle. I feel sick and tired most of the time.

So this is where I publicly talk about my gestational diabetes mellitus (GDM) diagnosis. I was diagnosed with it on September 30th, and it really threw me because it’s something I didn’t have with my first pregnancy and my only risk factors are age and weight.

Before my diagnosis, I hardly knew anything about diabetes. That means I didn’t realize what was in store for me when I was in the office with my doctor, but after some reading online and meeting with a diabetes nutritionist, I quickly learned that it’s not good. I won’t dig into the risks to the baby and myself here, but they would be significant if I didn’t get my blood sugar under control. Getting there meant a total overhaul of my diet, and taking blood sugar readings at least four times a day.

The diet overhaul included reducing my carbohydrate (including sugar) intake drastically, eating smaller meals, and making sure I eat every 2-3 hours. As someone with a busy schedule, historically carb-heavy diet, and a big comfort-eater, this has been very, very hard. And this is on top of an already difficult and painful pregnancy. The first week I started incorporating the new diet was hungry constantly and lost about five pounds, not something you want to see in the third trimester of pregnancy! Turns out I cut out too many carbs and was really bad about making sure I ate often enough, as I’m not naturally much of a snack person. So, in addition to a glucose meter and all its accessories, I now own a food scale, and have measuring cups constantly at hand to make sure I’m getting the right amount of carbs as directed by the nutritionist.

Some days are harder than others, for sure. Some mornings I still cry before pulling myself together for the day. With the severe pelvic pain I’m still dealing with, the walking exercise that the nutritionist calls “free medicine” isn’t always an option for me, and if I push through the pain anyway, I pay for it dearly. Eating on a schedule is hard too, with work meetings popping up at random hours throughout the day and my need to eat not always syncing up with when my family is eating (so lonely!). Additionally, one of the suggestions from the nutritionist was eating dinner before 7PM (we’re traditionally an 8:30PM dinner family) and then have a snack before bed to see if that helps my fasting numbers overnight. This is hard for a variety of reasons.

And it’s still not all under my control. Fasting numbers overnight are still slightly higher than the nutritionist would like to see, so there’s a high chance I’ll end up needing daily insulin injections to keep them in the safe range. I spent some time at the doctor on Wednesday getting trained on how to inject it.

Still, I’m coping with all of this the best I can, and trying to focus on the bright side. First, the results came back the day after my birthday, so I got that last bit of pizza and cake in blissful ignorance! But on a more serious note, I can handle all of this, even with the bouts of crying here and there. The finger pricks for the glucose monitoring are only scary the first few times. If I end up needing them, insulin injections aren’t as scary as I had feared. The strict diet is only for a couple months. I’m also lucky that MJ has done a keto diet in the past, so he’s familiar with carb reduction and the food choices available, and he’s been right there with me as I learned to use the glucose meter (did I mention that it needs blood?!).

It was a wake-up call though. The CDC states that 50% of people with GDM go on to develop Type 2 diabetes later in life. Having this experience has convinced me that I don’t want to be in that half. I’m fortunate that it doesn’t run in my family, so I have a good chance of getting ahead of this with diet and exercise. I know I won’t be able to adhere to the strict diet I’m on for the pregnancy, but I will take these strategies I’m learning to heart to make sure most of my diet is better than it has been in the past. Exercise will also take priority as soon as I’ve recovered from birth and the first few weeks of “we have a newborn!” exhaustion.

Otherwise, I’m having regular ultrasounds, and everything looks good, so I will also continue to be grateful for that too. Next week I start non-stress tests twice a week until birth, which I was able to schedule for late in the day so it doesn’t impact my work schedule.

My heart genuinely goes out to families who don’t have the privilege we have. Even the easiest pregnancy takes such a toll on every part of you. Adding in complications like GDM makes it exponentially harder.

Filed under: family, health

Orange skies, solar, Rosh Hashanah, and work

Sunday, Sep 20th, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

We’ve now passed the six month mark since the shelter in place order began here in the bay area, and the loneliness is definitely catching up to me. I am certain that part of this is also related to the pregnancy. My first pregnancy was an exceptionally lonely time as I didn’t yet have a network of friends with kids who I could speak honestly with, and I found myself distant from some of my closest friends due to changes in their lives. Still, I was still attending conferences and kept up a lively tech connection. This time I am in a different situation, but it’s more because I’m struggling to find the time and energy to connect with people now that it takes effort beyond showing up at an event. Pregnancy also means my moods are out of whack and I don’t feel much like myself, so reaching out to friends is particularly tough. On top of that, I’m still working full time, and when I’m not I’m chasing our beloved toddler, doing chores, or resting in an attempt to reduce the pain I’m coping with in this pregnancy.

It continues to be fire season here in California, and what has turned into the worst one in recorded history. On September 9th we all woke up to one of the most surreal sights of my life: an orange sky. Caused by some motion off the coast, the smoke rose higher than we are accustomed to, causing an entire day where the sun was obscured by smoke which turned the sky orange, and periodic ash falling from the sky like snow. Since the smoke began annaully impacting the bay area back in 2017, I’d never seen the level of ash fall as I did on that day. Truly the weirdest thing about the day was the darkness though, Adam slept in that morning, and we had the lights on inside the house all day.

Orange sky outside my home office

Ash piling up on MJ’s car

The Air Quality Index numbers really climbed after that orange day. We were stuck indoors for over a week, only really gaining a bit of relief this past week, when numbers dropped back into the safe green zone. It’s been hard on Adam, who isn’t old enough to understand, but loves going outside and has already had his world shrink this year due to social isolation. It’s heartbreaking to see him grab his shoes to indicate he wants to go outside, only to have to decline day after day. The pandemic compounds this, since we’d normally be able to at least leave the house to give him a change of scenery at a mall, or even a grocery store, but we just don’t feel safe bringing him to indoor places unless it’s absolutely necessary.

As a parent, keeping a 20 month old occupied for days indoors has continued to be a challenge. We’ve picked up a few new toys, generally giving him a new one every couple of weeks. Play-Doh was the latest surprise, though he’s currently more excited about the plastic jar it comes in. The next will be a wooden train train set table, prompted by his love for his train toys and desire to turn all of his separate wheeled vehicles into one long train. Little boys being enamored with trains is a bit of a cliche, but I’m totally grateful for his interest so far. I’m already looking forward to sharing my interest in model railroads with him, and hope that sharing a hobby with my kiddo will provide the time and energy required for me to finally realize the setup I want in my home office, which has thus far been unfulfilled.

Things have been busy at home, with the installation of solar moving forward much more quickly than we had planned. The company had an opening two months earlier than expected, so instead of having the panels and batteries installed in November, we’re getting it done now. The disruption has mostly been in shuffling cars around as they need garage and driveway space, and getting them access to indoor spaces as we juggle work and meetings. There will also be a significant disruption this week in power as they start bringing it online. It’s really exciting though, aside from being super cool and money-saving in the long run, it was incredibly stressful last year when we had a freezer full of precious breastmilk and areas around us were suffering through extended rolling blackouts due to the wildfires. We never lost power here, but I anticipate it only being a matter of time before we’re finally impacted, so being able to survive off the grid for a bit of time will bring considerable peace of mind. Did I mention they were cool? It’s been so exciting watching the panels go up on the roof and seeing the array of batteries in the garage come together.

Caligula inspects the pile of solar panels awaiting placement on the roof

We celebrated Rosh Hashanah this weekend. I baked my first honey cake, using this recipe. It came out better than I expected, and Adam can’t get enough of it (half a cup of sugar and half a cup of honey in a single loaf will probably do that!). As for services, they were shared by our synagogue in San Francisco via YouTube, pre-recorded but “released” at a certain time so we could enjoy them accordingly. We watched both the evening and morning services, and it was definitely a new experience. To decrease the contact that clergy had with one another, segments were recorded separately and it was very clearly stitched together. The videography and editing work was done just professionally enough to be enjoyable, but not so much to feel over-processed. I’d say it was perfectly charming. Still, we missed getting together with the rest of the congregation, and it is a bit sad seeing the place empty on some of what are traditionally the busiest days of the year.

Work has been exhausting, but rewarding. Last week we held a huge, successful, virtual event, that I’m still shocked such a small team could pull off, even with as much work as we all put into it. There were several long days and late nights that went into it, and the weekend prior to it I kept my work phone close by to address any lingering issues and tie off loose ends. I was so relieved when my track went exactly according to plan come event day. I do have a backlog of work to tend to now that the event is over, but it shouldn’t be overwhelming, even with the compensatory time I blocked off over the next couple weeks. I have talks at several virtual events coming up, but I don’t have any organizational role in those, so it should be much lower stress, and I can just focus on writing my talks.

I also received a paper copy of IBM Z Systems Magazine with an article I was interviewed for, What Works for the Latest Mainframe Generation at IBM. This isn’t the first magazine I’ve been in, and I’ve done a number of podcasts this year, but it was monumental because I definitely had anxiety over entering the mainframe space with my background. I spent decades working in the Linux systems administrator space and making a name for myself, there was a real risk that I’d be starting over here in mainframe land. It’s a relief to see that hasn’t been the case, and that I’ve managed to pull this off with a little one at home and another on the way. I have a lot to be proud of right now.

Regardless of how this entry began, we are actually doing ok, all things considered. We’re incredibly privileged, and even the worst of it so far has something we can ultimately cope with. I’m grateful every day for how our little family has managed to become closer and happier in some ways, even if it can sometimes be hard day to day.

Filed under: family, life

Fire season, furniture, and our political future

Wednesday, Sep 2nd, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

We’re in week 25 or so of restrictions put in place in our community due to the pandemic, which means we’re rapidly approaching six months. It’s a little difficult to believe how different our life is than it was when we got off our last flight after the final conference we went to just 26 weeks ago.

I miss my family and friends a lot. Even as an introvert and loner by nature, that never translated in wanting to never seeing anyone but my immediate family. We have the townhouse in Philly specifically so we had an east coast base to visit family and friends out that way. Conferences and other events were my key way of seeing a lot of my friends, and with those canceled or put online indefinitely, it’s been really hard sometimes.

Difficulties were compounded a couple weeks ago when an incredibly rare thunderstorm rolled through the bay area. It didn’t bring a lot of moisture, but it brought us a stunning thunder and lightning show for several hours that Sunday morning. News and social media that morning were full of the lightning and storm sunrise photos, including a sunrise photo of my own. Much attention was paid to why this storm had occurred (a tropical storm off the shore of Mexico).

An unusual sunrise accompanied the thunderstorms

Then the news about the fires started rolling in. I wasn’t thinking about it much, but of course a low precipitation thunderstorm was a terrible thing for our area right now. Lightning sparked fires in areas around the bay area that had not had wildfires in recorded history. By Tuesday night smoke had made it to our area and, when combined with a continued heat wave, triggered power companies across the state to start enacting rolling power outages to deal with the excess load on the grid. Several folks I know here in the bay area had to be evacuated, either due to fire risk or dangerous air quality. When combined with the pandemic, I definitely had some rough days. Not going out much was hard enough, but not even being able to go outside for a walk has been really hard for all of us. Plus, Adam and Caligula don’t understand, so they’re particularly upset at us for keeping them indoors when they both love going out so much.

Smokey sunrises make for eerie red sunlight

It’s not all smoke and doom though. I keep an eye on the air quality indication websites and let everyone know when it’s safe to go outside. About half the time, it clears up enough to spend a little time outside in the evening. Last week we had a full day when the winds shifted and we all spent a fair amount of time outside.

In house news, we had a new couch delivered last week! But they ordered the wrong color. It would have actually been a mistake we could live with if we didn’t already have a matching chair for the set. Thankfully they think they can get the replacement in more quickly than the first two month wait we had. Still, it was pretty disappointing. The crib for kiddo number two has arrived, and it’s the correct color, hah! It’s sitting in a box downstairs, and we’ll bring it upstairs and hopefully assemble it this week.

The current plan is to have the new kiddo take over a section of my home office while I’m on maternity leave, so not to constantly wake Adam throughout the night with them sharing a room. I’d rather wait until later in the pregnancy to start making adjustments to my office, but with the pain I’m dealing with in this pregnancy it’s becoming increasingly clear that we need to get as much done as possibly early on. Step one was moving the sofabed from my home office into the family room, and moving the chair we use for infant feeding into my office. It was actually an easy swap, with MJ doing all the heavy bits and me mostly guiding the furniture as he slid it across the floor on a blanket. I will keep the crib out of camera view at least, I do have several more months of work and events before my leave, after all! But things are definitely moving along. Bonus: it’s actually really nice to have a sofa in the family room.

Work is going well, but busy. We had a big community launch a couple weeks ago, and we’re now a couple weeks away from a large conference, which occurs the day before another conference that’s related and I’ll be participating in. Between some extra hours, and working around the increasing number of doctor appointments now that I’ve entered month six of the pregnancy means I’m definitely looking forward to calmer times. I’ll also mention that the flexibility that my employer provides for family has always been great. But the increased amount of support offered during the pandemic has been really valuable, even when I’m not taking advantage of it, knowing the safety net exists allows me to focus on my work instead of worrying about how we’ll cope if something gives.

Finally, a brief moment to pause and talk about politics. It’s not something I talk publicly about much, but it has weighed heavy on me this year. We continue to be at what feels like a crossroads in our nation with this upcoming election. Many of my friends have legitimately suffered under this administration as they lose equal rights and protections. Protests demanding justice and equality continue to erupt across the country, even amid a pandemic. My white privilege blinded me to so many of the problems in our country prior to this, or gave me the ability to ignore it, but I’ve done my best over these past three and a half years to get up to speed by expanding the types of content I consume, who I consume it from, and really listening.

I’ve also tried to understand my conservative relatives, but this is something I’ve not quite succeeded at. When I found myself somehow subscribed to the political campaign for a GOP politician in Texas, I took it as a learning opportunity, but ultimately unsubscribed after a month because I couldn’t stomach the number of lies the repeated about Democrats and liberals. I know social media has played a huge role in this misinformation campaign, but I still struggle with it. I also don’t understand how skeptical and paranoid many of my relatives are of experts and scientists, but will then believe random people with questionable credentials on YouTube and websites that are well-known right-wing propaganda machines. The left certainly isn’t immune to conspiracy theories and spin, I call my fellow liberals on it when I see it, and have fallen for it myself, but I have changed my mind and re-evaluated positions when presented with evidence.

I continue to have hope that we’ll come out of this intact and continue along our progressive path, but I do have very serious concerns.

Filed under: family, life, reflection

A market, memory, and motherhood

Saturday, Aug 15th, 2020 by pleia2 | 0 Comments

As I mentioned back in June, writing about life during a pandemic is tough. Life is pretty boring. We’re still mostly sequestered at home, doing take-out, and avoiding indoor spaces except when necessary. A trip out to Target has turned into a noteworthy activity for the month. The only indoor spaces Adam has been in since March have been his doctor and the post office when it’s closed so I can check the PO Box or drop something in the mailbox.

Last week we had a new adventure though, we went to the local farmer’s market! It’s outdoors, in the nearby BART parking lot. After avoiding it for the whole pandemic, I felt safe enough to check it out. Masks are required, as is social distancing, and everyone seemed to be abiding by the rules. Even if they didn’t, it was just a couple rows of stalls that have always been spaced out, so there’s plenty of opportunity to make a quick exit if we felt uncomfortable. Adam has gone for daily walks around town during the pandemic, but it’s clear he’s still not used to people in masks, so it makes him a bit apprehensive. Still, he seemed happy to see the colorful booths and people.

We also made the leap to an electric hair trimmer for cutting Adam’s hair. We had been using an older one that MJ had for MJ’s hair, but it was a bit too old and noisy for us to feel comfortable using it on Adam. Finally in July we were able to order a nice one that I can use on both of them. It’s pretty quiet, and though there were some tears at the beginning of his haircut, Adam was a champ throughout the bulk of the process. Plus, it’s so much easier and looks so much better than when I was trying to cut it with scissors!

We’re continuing to turn our back yard into a usable space. In addition to the stuff for Adam that I mentioned previously, a pair of benches that convert into a a picnic table came this week for us adults. Now it’s just a matter of assembling them.

On the pregnancy side of things, everything is still looking great for the little one, and I had a 3D ultrasound done! Still, it’s super sad that MJ can’t join me for any of these prenatal appointments due to new pandemic rules at the offices. I video conference him in when I talk to the doctor, but it’s so much better when he can be there holding my hand and seeing the little one squirm and kick. I’m now extra grateful that he was able to come to every one for Adam, so at least we could experience this all together once.

Unfortunately as I approached week 20 (I’m nearing 22 now) I developed pelvic pressure that has turned into pain. It’s not unusual, and I’ve had two appointments (one with my regular OB, one with the higher risk OB, where I got the 3D ultrasound done) and both confirmed that while miserable (one of my doctors had it herself), the pain is something I’ll have to cope with. Thankfully, so far it’s not as bad when I’m working (sitting all day!), the worst pain is when I spend more than a couple hours chasing Adam around and doing chores, so weekends have been particularly difficult. I will have to scale back some activity if it gets much worse. The other night after a particularly active day I was so uncomfortable that I even had trouble falling asleep, and sleep is already hard enough!

Our fluffy son is hanging in there too. He had a bit of a rough spring with multiple vet visits, medications (one on-going) and ultimately a switch to wet food. He seems to have stabilized though. You can still tell he’s an older cat, his weight has dropped, he sleeps more and is a bit unsteady when he awakes from his naps, but he still loves going out in the back yard and waking me up at 5AM to feed him. The transition to wet food has been a little tricky for us with frequent feedings and him just becoming picky about the foods he likes (we rotate through several flavors and styles now). It’s all worth it though, I love him to pieces and I want his last few years to be as comfortable and happy as possible.

The upgrade for the memory in my new-to-me Lenovo T460s came in recently. Replacement was easy, and I’m incredibly happy with how zippy it is. I’m also funny how happy I am with having a thinner, lighter laptop. It’s probably a mix of being older and having more things to carry these days due to being a parent, but oh how my preferences have changed! I totally used to be that “I don’t care how light it is, I want it to be powerful!” person.

Work has been going well, and it’s been incredibly busy these past few weeks. We’re in a particular crunch time at the moment, so I’ve been churning out a lot of material and working on several projects. Things should calm down by mid-September, but then I’ve got a few virtual events on my schedule that I’m presenting at. Tech-wise on my own time, I was also able to carve out some time last month to put together an article on 4 ways I contribute to open source as a Linux systems administrator in time for System Administrator Appreciation Day on July 31st. It’s something I remain passionate about, so I skipped out on a some sleep for a couple of nights to get it done. Open source is so much more than just code, and the more lights we can shine on everything from documentation to infrastructure, the better off we’ll all be as a community. It’s also the one thing I am still actively working on in the free time I devote to open source, as much of my day to day contributions have become de-prioritized since becoming a parent.

This weekend we’re enduring a heat wave, and we’re so grateful for the air conditioning that we had installed last year. Temperatures soared over 100F on Friday, and while cooler today, it’s not by much. I set up Adam’s kiddie pool out back yesterday and he had a lovely time out there with his au pair. The water is good for a couple days, so MJ and I will go back out there with him this afternoon. We also want to finish construction on his Cozy Coupe. The rear axle is a bit loose, so MJ picked up a couple extra washers last night to bridge the gap.