o/` Barenaked Ladies – This Is Where It Ends o/`

Because of the crazy winds and rain from Hurricane Isabel, the power was out today from about 4:30 am til 2 pm. It made for an interesting day. I read during most of it, cleaned the apartment like I always do on fridays, it wasn’t really hard, except for when I had to clean the bathroom and I had very little light. I waited til afternoon to take a shower, and that’s good because I was able to wait til the power came back so I had nice, warm water %)

Luckily the power didn’t go out where our server is housed so mail, webpage and irc server didn’t have any downtime (of course I was worrying about my email being down when I had no power at home!). *Grin*

Yesterday I went into work. I didn’t really have much to do, which is ashame, but it wasn’t bad at all, I was able to catch up on all the email that I had neglected for about a week. There were about 400 unread mailing list mails, ahh! It took most of the day to go through them, I really should try to keep up.

I got two more mails about my mplayer how-to yesterday. It’s really amazing how many hits that thing must get… I just did a quick google search for: mplayer debian and it’s number 10. To my surprise the number one hit for this search was clockbot.net and the PLUG How-To archive that Myk maintains… and hey, the search for: debian mplayer gives me the first hit! So cool, I guess that explains all the traffic. Anyway, I made a few more updates on that mplayer site of mine, and linked the unofficial debian apt sources as well, since a few people visiting my how-to have mailed me to tell me that they exist.

It came to my attention yesterday that a friend of mine had some trouble when her employer found her web journal. She was asked to resign because of some of the things she said (she worked at a church). She felt that this was unfair and a couple people suggested (in irc, in her journal, etc) that she get a lawyer and make a case out of it. It seems that everyone was upset that they had discovered this information through a web journal. I guess I sort of hurt her when I disagreed completely and made it clear that anything you post on the internet is completely public. It seemed strange to me that people have some sense of security when posting in their web journals. Is it because the internet is so “new”? Because it’s so huge? Because it’s so abstract to so many people that they think they can “hide” there?

I try to talk all about my life, but when it comes down to specific personal details, and certain areas about my life and my past, I don’t write about it.

After work we were driving home and I realized that I was in a “mood” that made me want to eat. We stopped at the Whole Foods market, picked up a carrot cake (my favorite tied with chocolate) and some boca pizzas (fake pepperoni, yeah!). It was a nice night, especially with the crazy rain and wind outside.

Anyway, I guess I shouldn’t bother saying that we’ll have a boring relaxing weekend because each time I say that it doesnt happen. So I will say “We dont have plans for the weekend”

*wanders off*

o/` Moby – Porcelain o/`

I spoke with my father last night. This long complaint about the conversation that I’m about to write is not because I’m looking for advice or anything, I just need to get this off my chest. Conversations with my father always drive me nuts.

He called at about 6:30, we had just finished dinner. He began to tell me all about his life these past few months. One day he was out with my sister (Heather, 20, goes to school and works to support herself, she also is the “wheels” for my father since he doesnt have a car) all day running errands, and when he got back to the home he was staying at they asked him to take a breathalyzer test (apparently this is common after the residents are out for an entire day, one of the conditions of this living place was staying sober). He failed the breathalyzer. He said that he didn’t have a chance all day to drink because Heather was with him. He was kicked out of the house and sent to a homeless shelter in Portland. He called Heather and she came to pick him up at the shelter. That weekend he decided to move into a sort of motel room that rents places out by the week, he can afford it for now on his social security disability checks.

A couple weeks ago he had to go into the hospital for about a week. His liver problems are getting very bad, so he was unstable for a couple days and they put him in the ICU for part of the time (his condition was bad AND they were running out beds in the hosipital..). While in the hospital he spoke with a priest (Mercy Hospital) about his situation. My father claimed that he hadn’t been drinking, and was wrongfully thrown out, the priest said he’d stay in touch and try to help him out if he could. He claims that a doctor he spoke with said that one of his medications that caused the faulty breathalyzer results.

I honestly don’t know what to believe, I really want to believe him, but he’s lied to me for *years* about his drinking. Maybe he was drinking and my sister didn’t notice, or didnt want to admit to my father that she did? It wouldn’t be all that strange, since he always hid it from us and Heather has been really blind (or at least acts that way) to my father’s problems. But maybe it was really the medication that gave a false positive… but since it was medication for the liver wouldn’t it make sense for the home to know about this when giving the breathalyzer test? I feel like a bad person because I’m reluctant to believe him, and a complete dope for wanting to believe him. Ugh. Maybe if he hadn’t lied so much in the past I’d believe him!

I wish we could just communicate honestly and directly in my family. I am tired of expending the effort to read between the lines and get all sides of each story.

My father isn’t doing well. This recent hospital visit was an clear indicator of that to me. He wants me to coem visit again soon, but it’s so difficult to get there often.

On a better note, my father heard about the visits that I had with my cousins recently and I guess my cousins really liked Myk. Yay! Everyone in my family is very happy for me, and they all know that Myk’s a great guy. Not that I needed their approval, but it certainly does make me happy that I have it (for once in my life). Of course with this approval comes my father’s question “So when are you getting married?” Ugh.

Ok, I’m done complaining, I feel much better %) Getting back to working on things now. *wanders off*

o/` Dishwalla – Counting Blue Cars o/`

Do I take IRC seriously? Sure. More seriously than a lot of people? Sure. Too seriously? No.

I think it’s difficult for some people to understand the position I am currently in socially. I’m not a hermit, I’d go crazy if I didn’t have some sort of social interaction. There is only one person I see and interact with daily (Myk) and if I depended on him for all my social needs we’d both go crazy. What about real life friends? While I do have a couple people from “real life” that I’d consider friends, only one of them I honestly trust with telling most of what I feel. I don’t have any friends here with me near philly who have been my friends for longer than a year. I’ve been moving since I was 17…:

Cape Elizabeth, ME
Bensalem, PA
Brockport, NY
Seneca Falls, NY
Scottsville, NY
North Wales, PA

4 years, 3 states, 6 towns (all 45+ minutes apart), 7 separate homes. It makes it near impossible to keep friends from these places. So two years ago, when I moved here to North Wales, I only had Myk. Without a car, a job or school it’s been impossible for me to meet people outside the circle of Myk’s current friends. I don’t mind that, I love Myk’s friends, and I’ve become friends with a few of them. But I don’t have that long time friendship with anyone here that creates a solid base for closeness.

On IRC I do have a few friends of this sort. I’ve known Peacimowen, Bamwv, and Tsukiyo for almost *5* years now. The only person I still communicate with who has been my friend longer is Leslie who I’ve known since first grade. I also use IRC as a means of communicating with real life people that I know.

When it comes down to it, my social world right now centers around IRC. It’s probably sad, but I’m happy, and I don’t think I drive Myk *too* crazy with wanting to go out and see friends. It’s worked out great for me. So of course I take the things seriously. And I do spend a lot of time on IRC, popping in throughout ever day while working on projects and writing things, dropping in for conversations with people.

I took things with #deep13 seriously, and I decided to leave because it wasn’t comfortable for me anymore. I’ve spoken to many of the members since leaving, letting them know why and they all understand. I spoke to NegaWeapon today and he said “Yep. Sounds about right. ‘sides, you’re not officially a Deep13er until you’ve declared yourself no longer a Deep13er at least once.” *grin* Well, I suppose I’m right on schedule then, I’ll probably give it a chance again someday in the future. For now I will just concentrate on the other channels I’m in. I’m happy, no need to complicate my life further with the craziness of that place.

I’ve been working on all sorts of little things today. Now I am going to go do some more %) *wanders off*

o/` REM – Losing My Religion o/`

Yesterday was nice, except that Myk had to go into work briefly %\ He got home soon enough though and we relaxed together, had some Boca Burgers for dinner. I hopped on IRC in the evening and played some Star Wars trivia in #StarWars. I watched a little tv before falling asleep around midnight. It was a nice day.

This morning I worked on my R2D2 IRC bot for a bit. My buddy Peacimowen decided this weekend that he’d install Mandrake (his windows install died somehow and he couldn’t find his windows disks, but he did get ahold of some mandrake ones!). Now he’s on xchat, and since he doesnt have mirc now he doesnt have his IRC bot which had a temperature converter built into it that i used often. So I wrote one for r2d2:

-@PrincessLeia2- !tempcon F 81
-@R2D2- 81 F is equal to 27.2222222222222 C

Yay %)

I also finally got around to tweaking R2’s weather script so that it *hopefully* won’t break anymore, and it’s got fewer security problems now. I took mj’s advice and made it respond to !weather (\d\d\d\d\d) instead of anything, so that it only accepts zip codes (it gives an error if it’s anything other than a zip code). So it’s hopefully more stable now. The only flaw it still has is not removing the files that it downloads and which do not coorespond to real zip codes… I’ll think of something, it’s just strange because sometimes it downloads a file called “index.html” instead and sometimes it actually downloads a file with the zip code name, so it’s difficult to know which I have to tell it to remove afterwards… and it gets very crankie if i tell it to remove something that isnt there %)

I’ll be going into work on Thursday, yay! It’s nice to finally have a job sometimes %)

Today is September 15th. It’s been two years since one of the craziest septembers of my life. I thought about writing a huge thing about September ’01, but then I stopped myself, it wouldn’t help me it all. In fact, it might depress me, this is now, and I am happy. I got back into contact with my family and friends and I started dating Myk that September and that’s all that’s important.

It’s really amazing how quickly my life changed for the better. I moved in with my aunt in October of ’01, despite Myk making it clear I was welcome with him at any time. I needed a break from living with a S/O. A break that would let me get myself back to some sort of sanity. I took a couple temp jobs while there and made some friends, I had a great time, and best of all I gained back my self esteem and feeling of self worth, I loved myself again. This was a very important step for me, as it should be for everyone.

I can’t believe it’s been 2 years already.

Now I am going to work on some stuff *wanders off*

o/` Tears For Fears – I Know This Much Is True o/`

When Myk woke up yesterday morning it was pouring out. Barry called around 10:30 and said that they were still planning to go to the park, so we said “sure, why not?” and decided to leave too. We got to their place around 11:30, and then left around noon to head up there.

The park was Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, New Jersey.

I love rollar coasters, and although my body might protest sometimes, they are very very fun! We got to go on Superman: Ultimate Flight (top speed: 60 mph), Great American Scream Machine (top speed: 68 mph) Medusa (top speed: 61 mph), Runaway Mine Train (top speed: 38 mph), Batman and Robin: The Chiller (Batman was closed, we went on Robin, top speed: 70 mph), Batman The Ride (top speed: 50 mph). After Batman The Ride, I was pretty much done for the day… it wasn’t too intense itself, it was just too much for me %) Myk went on Stuntman’s Freefall with our friend Doug but my head was starting to bother me a bit and I wasn’t really in the mood. Wow. Which one was my favorite?

The Chiller ride! It went from 0-70, straight, in under 4 seconds. The ride was only 45 seconds long, but wow… it was great %) We got in line while it was raining out (yeah, they had rides still going when it was pouring) but didn’t end up getting on the ride til after the shower stopped. Still, it was great %) I liked the Medusa too, it had big loops which are my favorite. I wish I could have gone on Nitro… that one went up to 80 mph, but while I can deal with a little headache from the rides, I CAN’T deal with a protesting stomach %) Maybe next time.

We also went into “The Right Stuff-Mach I Adventure” which was where you sit in seats that move a bit, and watch a big screen that shows you flying a fighter jet, and going to Mach 1. It was fun %) And air conditioned, so it was a nice break from the weather. We also checked out Houdini’s Great Escape. We had no idea what to expect, since it was all closed in a house with no real description. The theme was pretty cheesy, and the intro was horrible, but once you’re inside and sitting down it is cool. You sit on a long wooden bench, and are held in by a metal bar across your lap. Then it tilts you a bit (no more than 45 degrees I assume)… then the whole room around you moves! So it *seems* like you are going up-side-down. It was pretty crazy, and I am sure it’d make many people queasy %) But fun for me!

Oh! At 5:55 pm we were walking past the place that holds the “Dolphin Discovery” show (I didn’t know that this existed). The show was at 6 pm. YAY! There were a couple seal lions and a couple dolphins, it was a cute show %) And a nice break from all the rides.

Everything was paid for by Teva, a pharmaceutical company that our friend Doug works for. He had 6 tickets to go (includes provided food) and he brought his wife, Barry, Rae, Myk and I. It was really great of him to think to invite us. We owe him bi
g time %) And it was cool that Doug was willing to go on all the rides with Myk and I (Mega, Barry and Rae weren’t into the big fast rides). We’re thinking of all going back next month during Fright Fest %)

I hadn’t been to an amusement park in YEARS. I think the last one I went to with big coasters was Busch Gardens when I was in 8th grade (1995). Yeah, almost 9 years ago. And I had never been to a Six Flags. It was the perfect day too! Since there was rain some of the day, and it was cloudy, I’m sure a lot of people didn’t go… so we didn’t really have to wait in lines! And although the temps got up to about 80, and the humidity was very high, it really wasn’t too bad (I don’t think I could physically tolerate going in the dead of summer).

We left to go home around 8. It was a great day %)

I saw this on brinkecw‘s, radbatik‘s (Tarist), escapenguin‘s, BillMeir‘s, and slinkwc2k‘s web journals, so just for fun I tried it out. I wasn’t going to post it because I assumed it’d be fairly generic and stupid… but this is amusingly accurate, even the stuff I’d rather not admit soemtimes %) I guess that means I’m a typical Elizabeth.

“Your name of Elizabeth gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality.”

*wanders off*

Our friend Barry called us last night. He our other friend Doug had a couple tickets to his company picnic and asked us to go. Where to? A nice amusement park in New Jersey. Cool! We new it was forecast to rain today, but said sure anyway, I guess they are still going to do *something* even if it rained. Barry is supposed to call us this morning to tell us what they are planning to do, since right now it’s pouring out *sigh* … I hope it clears up enough to go %)

If we don’t go, we’ll just stick with our plans of having a nice relaxing weekend, and then I’ll be happy that it is raining.

Last night was ok. Myk got home a little later than usual from work (around 7:30) I cooked the couple of Boca Pizzas that we had in the freezer, mmmm. We sat around and watched Blue Velvet, strange strange movie (but I expect that from Lynch). I do like “Lost Highway” much more though.

I woke up all congested this morning. We had left the windows open last night and it’s started to rain, so I’m sure thats why, bleh… starting to feel better now that I’m up and awake though %) Now I’m going to go wake up Myk and take a shower and stuff. *wanders off*

o/` Johnny Cash – Hurt o/`

I love cover songs, and this is one of my all time favorites. RIP Johnny.

I cleaned the apartment this morning, just like every friday. The weather is great so I kept the windows open, a very nice breeze. They sprayed the lawn today with some chemical stuff, so tonight we will have to keep an eye out for Crazy Squirrels, hehe…

Ahh… This weekend it’s supposed to rain. That crosses most activities on our list of things we can do on weekends. I’m sure we’ll find something, maybe rent a few movies (yeah, I still need to see RHPS).

I updated the News Section of WallaceAndGromit.net yesterday afternoon. The covers for the new Wallace And Gromit games have been release yay! I’m so excited to get my copy when they come out later this year. They also have released tons more screenshots on gamespot.com than I had seen previously. It’s going to be so neat. Maybe this game will even push more people into knowing about Wallace And Gromit, maybe even be helpful when the full length movie is released in 2005. It’s so sad how much Wallace And Gromit have gone out of the public eye, even online there are few new websites featuring them, and many of the old sites are gone or havent been updated in *years*

I spoke to my mother recently. She’s unhappy, she’s always unhappy. This time, while my little sister was at a friend’s house, she left home because I guess her husband was treating her badly or something (My mother remarred after divorcing my father in 2000). She ended up at her sister-in-laws place for the night. It’s sad, because I want my mother to be happy, but frustrating at the same time because I know she will never be. While I was up there back in June she introduced me to a male friend of hers, and from the way she acted, and he responded it was clear to me that something was going on.. or that they wanted something to go on. I don’t know what it is about her that makes her unable to be faithful, or always so miserable in her marriages. I guess some people are just like this, maybe part of it comes from her marrying so young (basically right out of high school to a guy 10 years older than her). I guess part of it comes from being such a pessimist, I need to work on that myself. I wish I could see her happy someday, but I just don’t see it…

Well I’m glad it’s weekend time now, should have a relaxing weekend with my Myk %) Yay!. *wanders off*

o/` Duran Duran – Careless Memory o/`

I’ve heard a number of people put down this whole “September 11th Rememberance” thing. Their excuses range from the always wonderfully liberal “but there are much worse things happening in other countries” to “i just don’t care.” 2 years ago today our country had the most damaging attack in a peacetime ever (even pearl harbor only had 2,403 casualties, most of them military). These people who died on September 11th, 2001 were mostly civilians. It is a bloody historical event in our nation’s past. Something we should never forget. Something that I hope people stop and think about every year. Maybe I don’t want to see all the specials that will be on tonight, maybe I criticize the government’s actions since then as much as the next person, but I can understand and respect that our country lost something big during those attacks. I do understand that much worse things have happened elsewhere in the world, but does that mean I should not respect the things that happened in my own country? I’m an American. I’m happy, I’m healthy, I’m save. This country has provided a comfortable life for me, and I try never to take that for granted.

I am in a much better mood right now. Of course that could probably change at a moment’s notice.

I missed the Philly Chix meeting last night. It turns out that two people showed up (one who was new to the group!) but they missed each other (one was there from about 8-8:15, one from 8:20-8:30). *Sigh* The first complete failure of a meeting! I’m very disappointed. I think a few people might get together and have one next week instead, we’ll see. I was able to get a discussion going on the list about meeting with the DC linux chix chapter. It seems hopeful, someone even suggested that we all take a bus down to DC itself and visit the Smithsonian museums and stuff. That’d be so fun %) I looked at Greyhound for rates, looks like $40 for a round-trip ticket, it’s a bit pricey, but I don’t really see any other options, unless we drove (ugh). I think I’d prefer to go to DC than Baltimore, most people say that Baltimore is yucky %)

I left #deep13 this afternoon. I guess I’ll drop by from time to time if I feel like it, but I dont want to deal with the daily crap that goes on there. Today just pushed me over the edge. It’s amazing that any channel would so aggressively drive active users away. That channel had a lot of potential, and I tried very hard to help them gain users, to keep the channel active when it normally would be dead, but it was all useless. I already sent an email to a few people who I actually cared about there (and who I won’t see elsewhere) who do deserve and explanation.

I have learned a lot from my experience in #deep13, mostly about how NOT to run a channel. #13thHour has successfully grown over these past few months because I have taken the lessons learned elsewhere on IRC and put them into making #13thHour thrive. I give any of the users I can even remotely trust operator status (as well as a list of rules to follow), I listen to everyone’s ideas for the channel equally, I try to make sure personal fights don’t cause trouble for the general health of the channel. Have there been people who didn’t like #13thHour? Sure, there are those who are upset that we don’t allow scripts, but as a whole I am quite pleased with the atmosphere of the channel. I am pround to call #13thHour my IRC home.

Last night was nice despite missing the Chix meeting. We ordered a pizza and watched the west wing. At 9 we watched a rerun of west wing from last season, getting all geared up for the premiere in two weeks, yay!

Oh! And I dug up those “conditions for asking me for help” … I was reminded by a friend’s entry recently that I should probably put them up on my site:

Want Help? Some things to keep in mind when asking

*wanders off*

o/` Tchikovsky – Sleeping Beauty Soundtrack o/`

The few hours of work I did these past couple days was refreshing. I am glad I was given that chance, and I guess they were pleased enough so that they will get ahold of me to come in again the in future, yay!

I had to use a machine with Windows XP on it while at work, I have a new-found dislike for it. Nothing broke too badly, but the method of copying and pasting got on my nerves very quickly ;) I used Macromedia Dreamweaver MX for the html editiong, I’d never really used an HTML editor like that before. I can see what some people like in it, but I pretty much ignore all the bells and whistles and got annoyed when it put in an end tag whenever I put in a beginning tag. In all it really wasn’t a bad program, but I could never justify paying for it. All I really require is syntax highlighting, and vim has that. Luckily, Myk said that if I do come back often that he’d take the time to set up a linux box for me, yay! That’d be nice… being stuck in XP was no fun. It was fun working on websites for “Real” companies though, exciting to know I had a part in some big websites, even if it was HTML grunt work ;)

I’m in a terrible mood. I’ve never been so moody before, it’s progressively gotten worse this year, luckily I can usually keep my crankiness to myself so Myk doesn’t have to deal with it after a hard day at work, but it’s becoming progressively more difficult. I guess it’s just me getting older, yuck. I hate feeling this way, no matter what i do to bring myself up I just start sulking again, it’s quite pathetic. I have tried just working on things and keeping my mind completely off my mood, but that just serves to push my mood to another part of the day. I need to find a way to peacefully deal with this crappy feeling without inconveniencing others.

The Philly Chix meeting is tonight. I want to go, the weather is nice, and I feel good so I’ll probably be taking the train down. Hopefully we’ll have more people there, but 5 is a hard number to beat considering we only have 7 members ;) I was contacted by the woman who organizes the Linux Chix chapter in Washington DC (I have spoken to her before, but never made concrete plans), she said that it might be possible for her group to meet with ours sometime in October. We’re thinking that a few of us might ride down to Baltimore, and meet them there, so we could possibly go out for dinner, see some sights, do whatever as a big chix meeting (with our boyfriends, and male members of the DC Chix group). It would be fun, and I’ll bring it up at the meeting tonight, maybe we can arrange going up some weekend.

Now I go work on some things that were neglected during my couple days of real work %) *wanders off*

Yesterday I went to work. *watches everyone reading this do a double-take on whose journal this is* Yep, work. Myk told me yesterday morning around 9:30 that employer had some tedious html work that they needed someone to do this week, and since I was available at last minute they had no trouble accepting me to do the contract work, yay! It was kinda nice being notified at last minute, since I am a crazy worrier and I probably wouldn’t have slept Sunday night if I had known I was going to work my first day the next morning. I really had nothing to worry about however, it really was html grunt work, a bit of organizing of content, nothing remotely difficult. Today they have more work for me, so I’ll be going in with Myk this morning. So this is why I’m up and showered before 7 am.

Having this contract work is very nice, I am happy to financially contribute for once to this relationship, and it certainly makes me feel better about myself. This is a great opportunity as well. I kept finding myself wondering how I’d get anywhere without this chance, thinking it’s somehow less of an achievement since my boyfriend set me up with this. But if I wasn’t here with Myk, if I was still living in NY with my aunt, I’d probably would be working and going to school, carving my way that way, so what I’m doing now is just taking advantage of the opportunities that live is giving me. I shouldn’t worry about how I got the opportunities, only that they exist.

Who knows, maybe in the future, if they are pleased with my work, I will have more chances to work for them. That’d be nice. At least I now can expand my portfolio, not just one webpage job for a tiny real estate company, now I have something more, and a bit different. It feels good.

Well I am going to go eat some breakfast and continue to get ready to go. *wanders off*