Dido – Don’t Think Of Me

12:44:45 -@pleia2- so i am gonna have a p4 (2.0 ghz), new asus 8x agp board, geforce 3 vid card, and 3 harddrives… the question is… 400 watt power supply or 500? %)
12:44:59 -@grifter- too bad you’re gonna waste it on windows
12:45:00 -@Azi- 900!
12:45:03 -@pleia2- Azi: %P
12:45:09 -@pleia2- i do not waste it on windows
12:45:17 -@Azi- -pleia2- VERSION irssi v0.8.5 – running on Linux i586
12:45:24 -@pleia2- i’m on debian, silly
12:45:30 -@grifter- she’s on windows, sshing into a lunix machine
12:45:31 -@Terr0r- haha
12:45:31 -@pleia2- i only use windows for games
12:45:35 -@grifter- :/
12:45:37 -@Azi- ohhh
12:45:44 -@pleia2- the machine i ssh to is on colbalt linux
12:45:47 -@pleia2- I AM NOT ON WINDOWS %)
12:46:05 -@Azi- What is that %) thing? It is creeeeepy.
12:46:13 * grifter gives pleia2 the benefit of the doubt, here keep it safe

RAR! This is the crap I am talking about! Why is it SO hard to believe that a woman is on linux? They didn’t FULLY believe me until Myk looked in the room and assured them that yes, I am on Debian. If I had come on there as a guy, said I used Debian they would have believed me, I’ve SEEN people do that. After Myk said that they were all “oh we just assume people are on windows before proof.. blah blah”… but I had had some decent linux-related discussions in there! And then they tried to play down my linux usage because I do have windows on my computer! Even when I said it was just for games, then Myk was all “yeah so do i” … there having to defend me AGAIN %( Of course now everything is fine and stuff, but it still sucks %( I HATE having to prove myself all the time, and needing Myk to come in to make them believe I can do more than chat on AOL. *sigh* It’s so unfair!

*tries to settle down*

Well there is some good news %) I got my MST3K tape today, and it’s the right one! YAY! We’ll probably watch one of them tonight. Also I called newegg to get out fedex tracking number for our order (the email that SHOULD have had it didnt because “someone screwed up”) and my computer parts should be arriving this afternoon, YAY! Hopefully things will go better this time around *crosses her fingers* But I assume we’ll be spending a stressful weekend putting r2 together %) We’ll go out tonight to get the power supply, we’re going to go with an Antec one, instead of the crappy CompUSA ones. We’ll put on Debian I guess, Gentoo is still pretty experimental and I’d be bugging Myk constantly because of it breaking, or me breaking something.. and there is much more on google about debian anyway, TONS of support there %)

I think I am sorta getting over this cold, or maybe it’s just the medicine %) I am feeling much better today.

Right, so I should get some work done today instead of just writing in my weblog and chatting *wanders off*

Beethoven – Fur Elise

I hate colds. I’ve been fighting this one for almost 2 weeks… it hasnt been too bad, some days I wake up feeling crappy but it goes away, and I’ve had this cough like normal for this time of year, but yesterday it just got so much worse, headache and everything %( We went to PLUG… only to get there and the place it was planned to be at was empty, the signs were up and everything, but we got there at 7:45 (the talk starts at 8, they have an optional Q&A session prior to the meeting tho, and people are ALWAYS there). I guess no one showed ’cause the meeting was not planned well, the presenter posted to the PLUG list yesterday afternoon saying he’d be doing the presentation, but no update on the site was made so I guess people assumed it was canceled… So a 45 minute drive into the city, through tons of traffic for nothing! Ugh, I guess we could have waited around longer than we did (about a half hour) to see if anyone would show, but Myk was tired, and like I said this cold has gotten worse, so we weren’t really in the mood.

So why am I spamming you with a Samantha Juice picture? Because this juice is yummie and I never tried it before. It used to be a Maine company… but the label on this says it’s in Maryland, oh well… it’s good anyway, and this kind has 1000% daily requirement for vitamin C … and each little bottle is 2 servings, so I just drank 2000% daily requirement, TAKE THAT YOU STUPID COLD! I bought this when I walked up to the store this morning to get some DayQuil… the only cold medicine we had in the house was NyQuil, and that stuff puts me to sleep (more on that in a minute)… so it was either sit here miserable all day with a cold and wait for Myk to bring something home tonight, or brave the cold windy weather to get medicine so I’d feel better now. Of course after i got back from the store I felt 10 times worse, but now after taking the DayQuil I feel much better, at least the headache and cough are gone. The stupid label says “non-drowsy” but they LIE!!! I am tired… or maybe it’s a combination of a little bit drowsy medicine along with the fact that I have a cold… I want to take a nap.

Right, so about NyQuil making me sleepy. Of course, it’s like 20 proof, hehe… but when I was younger NOTHING made me drowsy… another one of those strange things that happens when you grow up. Since I turned 18 all sorts of things like that have been happening. Medicine all of a sudden makes me drowsy when it never affected me before, caffeine keeps me awake when I used to be able to drink two cups of coffee and go to sleep, and you know how they say drink 6-8 glasses of water a day? It never bothered me to drink little until I got older! Now if I dont have at least 2 glasses, and a glass near my bed at night I get all dehydrated. And I am definitely much more lactose intolerant than I used to be… when I was younger I stayed away from dairy because it gave me migraines, but now I get serious stomach problems because of it (thank science for lactaid pills). I knew I never wanted to grow up! Hehee.

Thanks for the comments on yesterday’s entry. I dont actually look for answers to those questions I ask, they are more rhetorical than anything else, since this is sorta like a diary, I dont TRY to make it reader friendly. I do greatly appreciate input on my situations tho %) I think I will drop Pete and email and tell him I’ll be up in Rochester for a couple days, hey for all I know he’ll be out of town during that time, and I do want to see him.

Sooo drowsy….

So that new chat room that I am in on opn (err freenode!) is really great. It’s called #goddess and despite it’s random name, there are a lot of really cool people there, and most of them are linux users… and their usage varies from complete newbie to experienced users, which is nice. And for a room with about 30 people (*most* of whom i’ve seen talk) it really is an easy room to get into. In the past I’ve found it’s nearly impossible to become “part” of rooms that are well established, but I am very pleased with how accepting these people are… as long as you dont use mirc and arent a liar %) They are really helpful with each other, and luckily I dont feel as stupid as I usually do on OPN rooms, I even helped someone set up his Enlightenment desktop to look all nice %) Anyway it’s a great room and I’m glad my friend invited me there.

I spoke to my mother recently, didnt write about it sooner ’cause I kept forgetting, but she was getting all nostalgic about when I was younger and said something about how I never really asked for much. Now this came as quite a shock to me because I thought I tended to be a spoiled brat back in the day %) I threw tantrums in stores sometimes when I didn’t get what I wanted, and I was a terrible loser, crying sometimes when I didn’t get my way… Not to mention I was an insanely picky eater, I dont know how my parents put up with me! But as far as my mother is concerned I was an angel. Maybe she is just remembering things wrong? Or maybe I was an angel compared to my other sisters? Or maybe I really was a good kid and I’m just way too hard on myself %D No I was a brat, what is my mother thinking?! Hehe.. I think this angelic view really came from my little sis, since lately she’s been acting like a ‘wigger’ and all… oy.

I was watching the local news last night, something I hardly ever do. But I had just watched a new Law and Order, and I was all snuggled on the couch with Myk and didnt want to get up, and there was probably nothing else on anyway. Well apparently there have been some serious storms up in Maine this week, and they actually showed a clip from Portland, Maine! Yep, on big Philadelphia news they showed my little city. Of course they showed a flooded road with cars half covered in flood, and this guy in a kayak!!! Kayaking down the road!!! Gah… my whole life living in Maine I never saw such a thing, and they show it on Philly news so they can laugh at how silly Mainers are, *sigh* Of course after that scene Myk says “we are NOT moving to Maine! Floods!” Of course I tried to assure him that during my whole life living there my house had never flooded, and they clip they showed was probably from the one place in Portland that ALWAYS floods. Oh well.

Ok, I give up you stupid DayQuil!!! I am gonna go take a nap, so tired, and the sleep wont hurt, I have a cold and I need rest! %) *wanders off to take a nap*

Bel Canto – A Shoulder to the Wheel

Sometimes people and situations come into your life that show you a whole new side of yourself, a side that you nor your closest friends new existed, is it right to let these people and situations fade into the past and move on with your life? Or should you keep them close as a reminded of another path you could have gone down?

Toward the end of last year I was living with my Aunt Elaine in upstate NY. I had just left my ex, and started a long distance relationship with Myk. I was really hurting after the relationship with my ex (my ex had been verbally abusive to me in the relationship and I was recovering from that), and I was inbetween jobs. I ended up applying at a temp service up in Rochester, hoping that I would be able to gain SOME income while getting some experience outside the realm of mere service type jobs (clerk, waitress). It was all quite stressful, and I was busy, and terribly lonely despite the family I had there and the relationship I had with Myk. I was finally able to get a job through the temp service at a Bookshop at RIT (Rochester Institute of Technology.. I wanted jobs there especially ’cause if I could get a temp-to-hire position I would have been able to take free classes! This was the plan before I decided to move to Philly). It was just a little 2 week job in the campus bookstore during the “rush” before classes when everyone was buying textbooks, and although I was nervous starting my job there it all turned out to be pretty nice and I did well, even stayed longer than any of the other temp workers (I did extra stuff when we were not busy, not because I’m a suckup.. I was bored and when I am busy the time passes faster!). So while I was working there I met my friend Pete.

The woman from the temp agency that matched us up with this job stopped by one morning to see how we all were doing, and brought muffins. So when my break came around I was feeling a little hungry and decided to go looking for the muffins, that’s when I found this young guy, looked to be about my age and was the stereotypical “hippie” type… his clothes were a mess of random band related shirt and scruffy pants, in fact all of him was pretty scruffy, even had long hair that was more frizzy than straight. And I guess I have a tendancy of seeing people as threatening or non-threatening to some part of me, and he immediately fell into the non-threatening catagory and I smiled, said “hi” and told him I was muffin hunting. He laughed and we went and found the muffins, started talking for a few minutes and really hit it off.

The next few days we started talking more, ended up taking breaks outside together with his older friend (gah, for the life of me I can’t remember his name! He was about 40 or so… of japanese decent) that was also working as a temp there. Apparently Pete and the other guy were working stocking books and stuff while me and other temp workers merely worked registers. Of course Pete knew I had a boyfriend in Philadelphia, and that I was due to leave in 2 weeks to move there, but Pete invited me to a party that weekend and I said sure, I’d go. We went to the keg party and before I was able to get money out to give to the people with the kegs Pete had paid for us both and we had a really fun night, Pete was friends with the band… I got pretty trashed, smoked weed for the first time, and ended up at one point running outside in the snow spilling beer all over myself. This was not me!

Prior to this I drank, sure, most kids my age did… I had gotten drunk with friends, had little parties at my house and been silly, but never with strangers like at this party, I had known Pete for only a few days, and had never seen anyone else, yet I was talking to people, smoking up with them! Prior to this I had been totally against drugs and all that, but I really didnt care at that point, I was having a lot of fun. At one time in the night I had half the room laughing with some witty remarks I had made, and later when I was completely drunk I struck up a conversation with a computer science major about programming (with ended with him asking if I was a senior, and curious to why he hadn’t seen me around… it was an RIT keg party). Anyway in the next week and a half Pete and I spent tons of time together, he invited me over to his friends houses, we went out to lunches, and drove around a bunch showing me “the lesser sights of rochester” and we smoked A LOT of weed.

So that was me when I was with Pete. Witty, smart, party-loving, bottomless pit drinker, and a casual pot smoker. Maybe it was the situation too. It was 2 weeks before I was moving here to Philadelphia, I was sorta realizing that I had every intention of having a VERY serious relationship with Myk, and I knew that this might be my last chance to try all the things I hadn’t tried. I was a totally different person then, Pete was part of my life and experiences I’ve moved on from and grown up and away from.

So the reason for this long explaination? Myk and I are going up to Rochester for Thanksgiving. Pete asked me to call him up if I was ever in the area again so we might be able to hang out. So do I get in touch with Pete? We still talk sometimes through emails, dropping each other an email every coulpe months or so just checking up on each other… but what would we do if we hung out? Myk, Pete and I? With Pete I was young and silly, collegeish… with Myk I am more grown up, we dont go to keg parties, we hang out with friends and have BBQ’s that we get drunk at… It’s just totally different, and it would be weird bringing that together I think… I mean what would I do, invite Pete over for dinner at my aunts?! Bleh I dunno, maybe I should just leave Pete in the past, he was a good friend, and I still care about him, and he definately made a mark in my life for that 2 weeks he was part of it.. I dunno.

A friend of ours made this for Myk last night, since Myk often comes into chat and merely says:
-time- o_O
hehe, he put a white variation of his up on his site clockbot.net.
Ah so getting on with it. We’re going to PLUG (philadelphia linux users group) tonight. We havent gone since June, when they did a KDE talk. I guess it wasnt because we weren’t too interested, it was just summertime, and most of the best discussion time comes AFTER the meeting when everyone crowds into a terrible little corner pizza shop near the meeting place and sits around talking about computers… and the crappy little corner pizza shop has no AC %) So even when we went in June it was VERY hot there and I was miserable. Plus just DRIVING in the city in the summer is a pain… just what we need, a pain of a drive anyway, compounded by the heat that makes us crankie %) Anyway, tonight is a talk on Gentoo, YAY!!! I’ll definately be interested in this talk %) It should be fun.

I spent most of the day putting together playlists for some cds I made today. I thought about posting the playlists here of all 7 cds I made, but then realized that if anyone remotely cares enough to read this entire entry (hell I dont even want to read this all again, hee) REALLY wont care about what songs I put on my cds! It’s cool though, I had been wanting to do this for a while, and Myk has this really awsome progy called “Easy CD Creator” … you put all the mp3 files you want into a list and then you click “make cd” and it converts them to a format viewable by cd players and burns the cd! See I do like some programs to be clicky easy and happy, I ADMIT IT! %) Yes this is a windows program, quite expensive too, so I hear ;) So now I have cds to listen to while I take walks, which is nice %) Before I had to choose from my little personal collection of cds… well it’s not exactly little, but they arent the kind of songs I’d like on my walk… I like a bit of variety you know? Not a whole cd of Everclear or some other band I loved during high school.

I should end this entry soon, it’s starting to become my *longest ever* I gotta go grab something to eat before we leave for the plug meeting anyway. *wanders off*

oh dear

Tears For Fears – I Know This Much Is True

So about that last blog yesterday. I wrote it around 4 in the afternoon after a day of working on part of my webpage, did I get something acomplished yesterday? Yes, but it was nothing new, and nothing stretching my current abilities. Thanks to DragonsFire for commenting on it. If I went to college I would definately get a lot out of it… I always did well in high school and I genuinely do love to learn, and I am very eager to learn, whether teaching myself or in a school type environment. Because of the compeditiveness of the computer industry a job would require experience … and possibly a college degree (although I know a number of people who are doing well without one). I really don’t have either. Looks like I hit this at the wrong end of the pig cycle %( Anyway, I’ve really tried lately not to be so pessimistic, all through high school I was just miserable, and it’s hard to change that pattern %) So I just get a little worried over something and it’s all *pessimism*.

Anyway %) I’ve had terrible luck lately with online orders. First the stuff with newegg.com, then last week I ordered an mst3k tape from MST3KTapes.com and yesterday got the tape.. the wrong one! I emailed the guy and apparently he mixed up my tape with another order he had, he was really great about it tho, and told me not to worry about sending that one back and he’d make up the correct tape and send it out wednesday.. so in the end I end up with an extra episode (212 Godzilla vs Megalon), so it’s not too terrible %) I should prolly get the correct tape by this weekend. Also the rest of my computer parts should come by Friday
*hopefully* so we can get to work putting new r2 together. I cant wait! It’s so frustrating using such a bare bones system as this is now… I’ll be really happy when I
have a fast fully functional pc again %)

Anyway, instead of making this entry any longer I am gonna go get some work done, for real! *wanders off*

Cake – Open Book

What the hell am I going to do with my life?

It’s so easy to tell relatives that I am currently studying stuff on my own so SOMEDAY I will be able to get a job doing what I want to do based on my abilities. But what do I WANT to do? Sure I love making web-pages, but I get distracted easily, and like I said earlier, I am not genius with design… I am sure there are thousands of people better suited for it. Do I want to become a Perl Programmer? Gah, I can’t even imagine that… I am such a beginner with Perl, anything moderately complicated loses me. I know almost nothing about networking (though I AM learning) and I wouldnt even know where to begin being a systems administrator, I still need Myk’s help every time I turn around with Debian. I can’t go a day without looking a bunch of things up on google that are probably obvious to most Linux users.. and… ugh *sigh* I just feel so stupid sometimes, I don’t have any idea where I am going.

I am not sure if anyone realizes what it’s like to be unemployed and not in school, but you know how while you are in school/work you wish you had more free time? And you think of all the hundreds of things you’d do with that spare time if you didnt have a job… Well in reality, when you are unemployed and not in school you (as in me, and countless examples of friends I have) lose all drive to do anything after a few months and just get into a slump of sleeping late, chatting and wasting a lot of time doing pointless things, while important or difficult things get shelved for “later” … I hate this %(

I’m not looking for a job. I wouldn’t even know where to begin! My resume as it is is pure crap, and if I went out today to get a job I probably couldnt get much better than a silly job at a temp service like I had up in in New York… it’s really quite depressing. I guess part of it is my terrible tendency to take jobs that are far below my abilities, so while I might be able to get a challenging job, I dont strive for it. And at the moment I really don’t need a job, and getting one would be very difficult since I don’t have a car…

I just feel so lost, I have no idea what I want to do. Sometimes I just feel like I want to become a stereotypical “housewife” … but is that because I want to or because that is the easy way out? Would I really be happy working on projects on the computer at home while raising a family and baking cookies? Or am I just dragging my feet? Is it even socially acceptable for a woman to be a housewife these days? Is there something wrong if an intelligent woman like myself chooses to forgo a career for such a lifestyle? I do terrible under stress, and at the end of the day I really am a pretty girly girl, maybe I’m not cut out for the dog eat dog world of carving a place for myself in the world with a traditional career. I just don’t know.

So when the question of going to college arises I really don’t know what I want to do. I know I will have to pay quite a bit to go, and I don’t know how much I’d get out of it, but maybe that is what I need to motivate me… But then when I get out, what if I really didnt learn as much as I wanted an I am stuck in a crappy job, wasting time paying off a huge debt? Ugh %( It’s not really depressing me, it’s just all frustrating. I need to find some project or something to motivate me, I need to do SOMETHING to do more than pass the weeks and months, I’m truly ashamed of myself sometimes.

Bleh, things suck, do things get easier when you get older? %D Probably not, I’m sure the problems just change. Yay for pessimism!

Wallflowers – One Headlight

It’s cold in here! We were so lazy yesterday, I never even bothered getting dressed, hehe…. usually I at least take a shower and sometimes get back into pajamas, but I didn’t even get that far. It’s going to be such a pain getting back into a normal sleep schedule, I really didn’t want to get up this morning, and now I keep rationalizing why I should go back to bed.. blankets so warm… out here so cold… need sleep because I have a cold…

I am actually making progress on that Wheel of Time site… I keep realizing that I really suck at design, or maybe it’s just that I look at the page so much when I’m making it that it looks bad just to me? I dunno, I get so frustrated! If I was just more of an artist I could create some really cool stuff with the html I know, bleh, I hate being so artistically challenged. And I really do feel the need to finish this page since a fellow Wheel of Time fan is counting on me to finish it. Me and my big mouth for telling him I was working on it, hehe.

My Aunt Elaine called me yesterday afternoon, that was nice %) I love talking to her. She’s really excited about us going up to stay with her for Thanksgiving, I guess my Uncle Dan is happy too… I haven’t seen him in a couple years and he was afraid I hated him like most of the family does. See I lived with my Uncle Dan a few years ago when I first moved out of my parents house, I didn’t stay long ’cause I was stupid and decided to move out and move in with my jerk boyfriend at the time. Anyway, my uncle and I were pretty close until then… luckily he finally forgave me for my stupidity and we were on good terms again. Then last year he left his wife and 2 kids, and moved to Las Vegas to meet and later marry a woman he met online. Of course I loved his former wife, my “aunt” Gail, and my cousins Kelly and Scott… and I didn’t think they deserved this desertion, so I was upset with my uncle, like most of the family was… but then I thought about it, about how much my uncle was there for me, and how much my family has done for me to help me out of bad situations in the past and I realized that I really do love my uncle, despite what he has done, and I couldn’t do anything but forgive him.

Anyway, the phone call with my aunt. It was nice talking to her, sometimes I feel so stranded out here in Philadelphia… I always love it when my family calls. Reminds me that the world outside my daily life still exists and I have lots to be happy about, or something. I guess my ‘Uncle’ Sean is going to be at thanksgiving dinner too (a crazy story there too, my ma’s family is all *divorce and remarry* every few years, I dont even know if my Uncle Sean is still my uncle!)… it should be a nice little vacation %) My aunt is planning all this stuff she wants to do while we are up there, hehe, and since we will only be there 3 days or so we won’t get to do half of it of course…

*Yawn* I am rambling …

So I just tried to log into barnes and noble’s affiliate site, so I could get started on working on my little “Store” of books that’ll reside with my book review section of my site… and apparently this Affiliate site is powered by “Be Free, Inc” (befree.com) … but they make you use mozilla, netscape or IE. How free is that? Hee… I should be used to this crap by now, but it’s just frustrating because I have a seriously bare bones system at the moment because I am expecting my new hardware anytime soon, so I only have Opera (I wouldnt want to compile mozilla on my current system anyway, it’d take days, and netscape sucks). So I guess I’ll have to wait to work on that until I get my new computer parts, bleh.

I started chatting in another room on OPN (err freenode now, hehe)… turns out a friend of mine from #13thHour (on clockbot.net) chats on freenode too, and we didn’t realize each other were there until Myk said something about chatting there, so now I’m in this big room of debian users, they all seem pretty nice (I got warnings from my friend about some of the more “sarcastic” chatters). I dunno, I really said I would limit my chatting so I could focus on more work, but I just cant help it %( This past week I couldnt focus much on work since Myk was home, so I did lots of chatting, and when I got bored I ended up going to ANOTHER server to chat with a friend of mine who owns it, and I just stayed there… luckily his server is not too populated, so I wont get distracted *much* And he did give me IRCops, and offered a place on his development team for his IRCD … how could I be so ungreatful and leave now? Yay rationalization!

/join #IRCAddicts

Yeah, so I’m gonna go work on some stuff noew AND NOT CHAT, hee *wanders off*

Stabbing Westward – Waking Up Beside You

It’s been a slow weekend, sleeping a lot and reading, doing a bit of chatting. We rented a couple movies on friday night, Insomnia and Monsters Inc., I had never seen Insomnia, and Myk hadnt seen Monsters Inc (and I liked it and wanted to see it again). It was a really nice evening, sat around and drank beer and ate smartfood popcorn while watching the movies. Insomnia was good, I’m sure the only reason it didn’t stay in theaters longer was because it came out with a bunch of popular movies and sorta got lost in it all. Nice cast too (Myk is a big Al Pacino fan).

I started work on the wheel of time section of my website, just another thing not to finish yay… hehe, and I have been getting at least 2 hits a day on wallaceandgromit.net … so that’s cool since I am doing very little to promote it besides a link on princessleia.com… This afternoon I’ll probably finish putting together my lists of mp3s that i’m gonna burn to cd in the near future for when I go out for walks.. fun stuff! Hehe…

*wanders off*

Filter – Hey Man, Nice Shot

We had ONE trick or treater last night. He was 13 years old and wasnt even dressed up, it was very disappointing. After the one trick or treater we watched Halloween on tv, and drank beer and absent-mindedly ate the whole bowl of twix we had, gah! I am not so much as looking at another twix any time soon, lol. It was fun tho… a nice night.

So newegg screwed up my order. It’s very disappointing because I had heard so much good about them, heh.. turns out they thought I wanted to return the board and processor and just replace the ram, UGH! So they shipped just the ram back to
me… I really did tell them I wanted it all replaced, in fact when I called to
get the RMA number the woman was surprised about it, so it wasn’t my fault! SO I called today and hopefully they will straighten things out… it still sucks tho ’cause I wanted to have it all this week, while Myk is on vacation, instead it will come when he’s back to work, all busy n stuff. Bleh.

We finally turned on the heat.. i was sneezing and coughing all morning and Myk
decided it was time, lol… anyway *wanders off*

Our pumpkins out on the deck, with colored lights and even a neat strobe light, yay!