o/` Hooverphonic – Mad About You o/`

I posted entries from the previous days (I post to a livejournal as well, so I just grabbed the entries from there to update here) … and I read the apology from xanga about the down-time, and I am pleased they offered AT LEAST that apology. I mean I know I really shouldn’t complain about a free service, but if I actually paid for this, like so MANY people do, I’d be veeeerrrry upset. I have to hand it to xanga tho, they obviously have a very good business plan to make so many people comment on their apology with “aww that’s ok, you dont need to apologize” … they made their business seem like a community, instead of an entity providing a premium service for a price.

I didn’t get much sleep last night. Ever since I was about 12 years old I have had trouble sleeping at night… I remember going to a few slumber parties and being all happy that I was the last one to fall asleep, ’cause it really wasnt difficult. Of course this has always hampered my ability to function %) But I’ve always been really good at sleeping during the day… so I guess it’s not exactly classic insomnia, I guess I’m just nocturnal. Anyway, I did get myself onto a normal nighttime sleep schedule and that seemed to help. Unfortunately when Myk has vacation time, like this past weekend, I tend to go to bed at 4 am… wake up at 10, go back to bed at 1 pm then wake up again at 3pm. So I get enough sleep, but again slipping into sleeping during the day again. Last night I read for a while then tried to go to sleep around midnight. Tossed and turned til about 1:30 when Myk came to bed… and was awake in bed most of the night just thinking about things, and dozing off a couple of times I’m sure… Ended up just getting out of bed finally when Myk left for work early (around 6:30 am). I actually don’t feel bad right now, but I am sure I am going to be really sleepy come this afternoon. Must. Resist. Napping.

Myk just forwarded me an email about a web development studio that’s hiring… looks interesting. Apparently they are looking for people who work with php, mysql, and/or graphics designing… hmmm. Looks like you send a list of your skills, and if they accept you into their group they will contact you in the future sometime to work on projects. Apparently most people work for free, but if your skills are worth it to them they’ll pay you. Well it may not be a way to make my first million, but if anything I can get experience, even if I have to work for free for the first few projects. Ah volunteer web work is great to put on a resume! *grins* I really need computer related projects/work to put on my resume, since i’ve never had a job in the field…

Anyway… oh, a guy that I know just recently broke things off with his fiancee. I wouldnt normally mention this, because I don’t particularly like this guy very much, but the conditions of the breakup were what bothered me. The girl is about 2 years older than him (she’s 19 and he’s 17…) and apparently she cheated on him, lied to him, and was an all out bitch. When they finally broke up she said she not only didn’t love him, but she HATED him and would get a restraining order against him if he didnt leave her alone. She also said that she kept saying she loved him because she “felt sorry for him” and she said she’d marry him because she “wanted to make him happy” … and in the end she said she didn’t love him anymore because he “wasnt cute enough” … Now how cold-hearted can you get?! How could leading someone on and making them falsely believe you love them make someone happy? I mean lying to yourself about loving someone is one thing, but actively cheating on someone while saying it is completely different! Now of course he is paranoid that when he falls for a girl she’ll just turn around and cheat on him… I hate girls like that. Make all of us look like cheating whores, and no doubt this guys next girlfriend will be kept under close guard to make sure she doesnt cheat, which is completely unfair. *sigh* Liars suck

Oh I am going to talk about my keyboard again! *ahem* This new one is really nice, but I realized the other night when I went to put a cd in the drive that i don’t have any hot-keys on this keyboard! After all the work I went through learning about xmodmap and xev so I could bind cdplay to those silly hot-keys on my old keyboard, and now I don’t even have them anymore… very sad. I was so disappointed I almost switched back to my old keyboard, hehe.

Ok, I am feeling tired already, it’s going to be a long day.

I installed Open Office this morning so I can update my resume and send one off as a .doc file, as well as html (Myk has an html to pdf program that I need to grab from him sometime as well so I can have it in pdf format as well…). This is the first time I’ve run OpenOffice on my new computer, and I have to say I am quite impressed, it’s not nearly as slow and annoying as it was on my 450 mhz machine %) Of course I am sure this is to be expected, but still, it’s actually a nice program when it doesnt take three minutes and all my computer power to launch. I just need to work on having it play nicely with my ttf fontys, hehe.

A friend of mine has a quake server running on his box now, and told me that I “HAVE TO” install quake in linux so we can play sometime… There is a linux installer at http://www.quakeworld.net … of course I need the original version of Quake, so my friend has to send that to me I guess *shrugs* It would be fun tho, as old as the game is (% especially if I can get it installed without breaking anything, hehee.

I am thinking (after I get my resume updated) of trying to mess with php and mysql a little to see if I can create a guestbook for my site. I had a guestbook on princessleia2.com when that existed, it was called EZGuestbook or something, and it was not hard to setup I guess, but it didn’t always work… and that’s annoying. Besides, I need the php/mysql experience… it’ll be fun too. I am actually going to try to make it so I can distribute it for other people to use (I have a terrible habit of creating things so they work especially for me and would be infinitely confusing for anyone else to use… yes, taking the easy way out… writing a script is easy, making it user friendly and writing documentation is hard!). Yeah, so I am going to start working on how to do that today, which should take quite some time seeing as i don’t even remember how to open a mysql database with php %D

Wow, it’s my normal time for waking up, I guess that means I didnt waste any time today writing in my weblog! Hehe… I should sleep less… er… nm… i love sleep z_Z

Right, so I am gonna go noew *wanders off*

: : Monday, December 02, 2002 11:02 am : :

o/` Ani DiFranco – Untouchable Face o/`

Well I got drunk last night. It was fun.. chatted a bunch, then watched adult swim. Around 12:30 I decided I was tired enough to go to sleep, of course I hadnt sobered up by then. Brought a glass of water to bed like usual and fell right asleep. Woke up at 3 am really thirsty since I didnt really bother to drink much before I went to bed… finished my glass of water, got up to get another, drank it, got another and wandered back to bed. Had a *terrible* time sleeping after that. Myk didn’t come to bed til this morning sometime, and it must have been right before he came to bed that I finally fell back to sleep (something like 6 or 7 this morning, I can’t see the clock when I dont have my glasses on, and you arent supposed to keep looking at the clock when you cant sleep! Hehe). So then I got up this morning at 9:30 ’cause I was out of water again and needed more. I feel terrible! Luckily it’s just that I’m exhausted, not a headachey sick stomach hangover thing… I hate hangovers.

So Myk has off today, we were going to go get my PA license today (yes, I am a bad person, I still have my Maine license), but it turns out that the license centers are only open tues-friday! WTF?! Stupid government workers! Hehe… there actually are a couple that are open for a few hours (until like 4:15 in the afternoon)… Maybe some other day, thursdays they are open til 8 pm… We probably will go get a Christmas tree though, if we are both awake before 5 pm tonight, hehe.

Yeah, so I am gonna go back to bed ’cause I’m tired.

: : Sunday, December 1, 2002 3:04 pm : :

I went to a LAN party yesterday. It wasn’t as organized as they usually are, and there ended up only being 6 of us playing, but I did have fun anyway. Instead of just playing one game the whole time like happened at the last lan party, we played a bunch of different ones, so it was cool… played Battlefield 1942, UT 2003 (which rocks, and since we installed on linux we dont need the cd in the drive to start! I have it forever now) Warcraft 3, and Mechwarrior 4: Mercencaries (I couldnt play this one ’cause my computer got all weird on me… really messed up screen when I started up the game). Anyway, it was fun. We were there from about 4:30 til almost 3 am. The only problem we had was when our friend Barry tried to install UT2K3 on his computer it told him to reboot, and when he did it came back to a really messed up screen, there were all these weird processes running, and hardly anything would run (we got freecell to work! heh). Anyway by the time this happened it was around 2 am, and I was exhausted, so we decided to leave. Accidentally left our Battlefield 1942 disks there too %( And then I got a call this morning from Barry, telling me that a few other computers that were at the lan party were also infected with the virus! … which as it turns out is actually a worm, they alsosaid it didnt show up on virus scan, but i just assumed that was because they had an older virus scanner. Anyway, I booted into windows just to check on my system, and I realize that I dont have anti-virus installed! So I grab norton anti-virus 2002, install, get updates, reboot, and do a virus scan. Nothing. I look around for abnormal behavior, and can’t find anything (mind you, I am not windows techie, I might have missed something, I will have Myk check it out for me later). Just in case though, I am grabbing my important windows files and saving them here in linux, a complete windows reinstall would not be the end of the world, just a big pain in the ass %)

The people who hosted the lan party have two really great dogs. I love playing with them, even though they are big dogs.. but everytime I go over there I realize that I really do have allergies to animals %( After a few hours of being in that house I start getting sniffles, and coughing, watery eyes… it really sucks. I’m slightly allergic to cats too, and no doubt most anything with fur… I love animals! It really sucks, growing up I was *fine* we had tons of pets, never any problem. I think I will try to have a cat someday, because I will be so lonely without a pet! Hopefully the allergies will never get much worse.

I’m not using my uber cool cordless keyboard anymore. I really do like it, but a couple of the keys are a pain to use ’cause they are sorta broken (yay keyboard abuse). Like, the right arrow key is almost impossible to use unless you are careful, so when I play games that require arrow keys I get really frustrated with it… so I am using this extra keyboard we have, it has a reaaallly long cord so I can still move it around like my old one, but it’s got really nice keys that are quiet, and they all work, hehe.

I am talking about keyboards o_O

Yep, that means this entry is coming to a close… *wanders off*

Peter Murphy – Subway Epilogue

I’ve had, I’d say, two legitimate crushes in my entire life. In high school I had a huge crush on a good friend of mine, Brian Crosby… then after graduating I began to have this huuugge crush on Myk, which of course lasted until I started dating him and then ‘crush’ turned into ‘infatuation’ then love. I suppose I’ve had little crushes on people in the past, fleeting things that were never anything, like in the 6th grade when I had a crush on Chris Rovsar (no excuse for this one, I thought he was cute and he’s way smart… I think I heard he even goes to Yale now, heh), then that short thing I had for Seth Dromgoole for a couple weeks in high school (I can’t really explain this one, other than that he was nice to me sometimes, when I hung out with him and his cousin Lisa, despite completely ignoring me in anything else that could be considered a social situation. Um, you know come to think of it, he was Lisa Clark’s cousin.. and Lisa’s cousin is Lynn Perkins, and my mother married into the Perkins family… so I’m actually *related* to Seth now, albeit distantly, yay Maine!). Anyway, the reason for this? Partially to entertain MorganHorse, who I went to high school with, but mostly to say I know exactly what it feels like to have a crush on someone, and be too shy to say anything.

So last night a friend of mine came to me.

(the basic jist of the convo)
friend: you around?
me: yep %)
friend: … i have a confession to make, if I didnt tell you I’d feel like I was lying
me: um, ok, what’s up? %)
friend: I know you are with Myk and all, but I have a crush on you
friend: I dont want it to ruin our friendship
me: i dont want it to either, but I hope you know I’m probably going to be with Myk for the rest of my life

Now this sort of situation has happened to me before, luckily this time this friend was smart enough to see that it was a crush, not that he was “in love” with me like they usually say… so it’s not as troubling. But it’s still always hard when a friend confesses something like this. I can try to just pretend like he didnt say it, and act the same way I always have (which I usually do) but there will always be this nagging feeling, wonder if he still feels that way, and *hoping* that he will get over it quickly. In any event it does change the friendship a little, but I have to say I am glad he was honest with me, I really hope it doesnt damage the friendship though… There have been a few times when it has, and that is terribly disappointing. Hopefully this friend will be strong enough to keep our friendship alive, he’s really cool and I’d hate to lose that.

Now I think I can explain this whole irc crush thing. I don’t think I am particularly special, or great because “all these guys” feel the need to like me, I think it’s all an issue of male:female ratio on IRC. In nearly all (hmm, actually… ALL) the channels I chat in there are significantly more males than females, and so it’s only logical, if I am caring, and thoughtful, and funny, that some guys would feel some sort of attraction, especially knowing that a lot of people on irc (myself included) come there so often because their social life (and usually love life) are a little less than average in activity.

In any event it is kinda flattering I guess, at least I know I am not an old maid yet ;)

Ok, enough of that… s’just something I needed to “talk” about.

Go here it is funny: Jesus.com

We’re going to a LAN party today, yay! I guess we’ll mostly be playing Total Annihilation (which I have never played) and Battlefield 1942.. should be fun.

So I mentioned a couple days ago that I was going grocery shopping on the day before thanksgiving. It turned out to be a very pleasant experience. I went around 4 pm, and sure it was busy, but they were obviously very prepared for the rush so I was able to get out of there faster than normal, it was nice. I hate it when I got there at 10 pm, and all 3 other people in the store all decide to checkout at the same time as me, and they have only one open register…

Myk made me an IRCOP on irc.clockbot.net … the chatserver with 13thHour on it. Apparently he saw that I was an ircop on another server and felt bad that I wasnt one on ours. *shrugs* It’s cool though, there are times that it could be useful %)

I guess I’m gonna go eat some breakfast now *yawns and wanders off*

Yesterday was nice, we had chicken instead of turkey… had stuffing, mashed potatoes, cornbread. Before dinner we had a “cheese snack” of gouda, port wine, and wenselydale cheese, and some garlic hummusy ummie! And of course we had some beer, Rogue Dead Guy’s Ale, yummie stuff. Later we had some pumpkin pie and eggnog with vodka, yay! It turned out to be a nice day, I only wish we had had some wood so we could have had a fire in the fireplace *shrugs*

So it’s “black friday” .. I am not going anywhere near a store %)

I am however going back to bed since it’s freaking freezing in here, hehe. *wanders off*

Happy Thanksgiving!

yeah it’s almost over (2 more minutes, i sure know how to cut it close!)

It snowed this morning. There is a slight dusting on the ground, it’s nice, I missed snow.

You’ll never guess where I was yesterday… out looking for a job! Yeah, I figure I really do want to find something by the beginning of the year I am not getting as much work done at home on the computer as I hoped to, and I guess I am getting bored, plus I feel like a burden, and just want to do my part in paying for things. So I went up to the shopping plaza, picked up some applications, and when I stopped in this GNC Health store (with vitamins n stuff) the woman had me fill out this mini application and said if i wasnt busy around 5 to come back and she’d have an interview set up with the manager. Ack! Well I agreed, because she seemed rather eager, and all I had to do was be honest and tell her I had plans for the holidays and wouldnt want to start until january.

So around 4:30 (it was already getting dark *ugh*) I walked up to the plaza and at 5 I wandered in and met the manager.

-me- Hi I’m here for an interview
-manager- Uh, are you sure you have the right place?
-me- um, yeah, I came here this afternoon, the woman working said she’d set something up with, um, jackie?
-manager- Well that’s me *looks on shelf and picks up a note with my mini-application attached* oh, I’m sorry, she never said anything to me about it.
-me- Well I can come back another time if that’s better for you
-manager- No. No, this is fine.

Wasnt exactly a wonderful start, especially since the first question was whether I would be willing to work in other locations, which of course I couldn’t since I don’t have a car. I explained my mode of transportation situation, and it seemed fine. I was pretty honest with her as far as the job goes, I was just looking for part time, and could get by with 10 but would work up to 30 hours a week. She said that would be great, and asked when I was available to start. I hesitated then told her I was really looking for something beginning in early january. She said that’d be perfect because one woman will be wanting to work less around then, and she’s not sure how long another person is going to stay there. She said the job is pretty boring sometimes, since it’s not a busy store, but boring is good, I’ll just bring a book. That lead her to looking down and saying “you know, this doesnt pay much” … here it comes, i thought, minimum wage, but instead “it’s $6/hour, plus commissions, a 10 cent raise after 90 days, do you still want a job?” It was obvious that this had been the killing point of many interviews, since she didn’t expect me to say yes. See, you have to be 18 to work there, since they sell some substances that you need to be 18 to buy, and I guess most people over 18 dont want to work for $6 an hour, plus you get paid everyother week, instead of every week. So she was quite happy that I still seemed interested, and told me that if I wanted a job, to come back on January 6th and we could work something out, and if I didnt want the job, to call her sometime before that and tell her…

I still filled out the other applications, will prolly go drop them off in a couple weeks, I guess only if this job doesn’t work out, I mean they are bound to have other people applying, people who are doing seasonal work or something currently and want to get a real job, right?

Of course I could get a better job than this if I had a car. But you figure I really dont have the money to just go out and buy one that would be dependable, even if i got on some sort of payment plan with a car i’d have that bill every month, plus car insuance, plus maintainance, I would HAVE to work full time, which I dont exactly want to do… there is a good chance at a crappy help desk job that i’d get stuck on second shift or something and hardly ever be home when Myk is. That would suck %( At least with a part time job the most I can be away is like, 3-4 evenings a week. I wish there was public transportation around here, but alas, this is the US.

I guess we’ll go out this evening and buy stuff for thanksgiving (great plan huh? no, i dont like pain, i just didnt feel like going out last night).

My right arrow key broekn. It’s always been that way but now it’s gotten worse. Luckily I am using all vim-keys on my desktop now, so I dont use it nearly as much, but now it’s started to stick. I wouldnt mind so much, but when I go to play UT or something it’s going to suck. Speaking of UT we are going to a lan party on saturday, YAY! Actually in all honesty I am not as excited as I usually am. I just have not been into games lately, which is disappointing. At the last lan party I hardly played (well, that is partially due to my crappy system at the time and their want to play a game that my computer wasnt really fast enough to play), but I guess I really didn’t WANT to play either. Maybe I can get Myk to play a couple games of Battlefield 1942 or something before the weekend, so I am not so rusty, hehe.

Myk’s home for the rest of the week, plus monday, YAY! He found out yesterday that his “official laying off date” is September 30th 2003.. but they are unsure even about that, luckily he’ll have at least that long, but they might extend it, who knows, so he’s going to be looking… We’re really lucky he has this much warning before he is let go tho %) I guess this is another reason I wanted to get a job, we should save money, and all my money will probably just go towards savings, whether it be for a house, or just for emergencies. Stupid companies.

Yeah, so Myk is home and it’s cold, I’m gonna go crawl back in bed for a little while *shivers and wanders off*

Stabbing Westward – Happy

From all (3) the entries yesterday it’s probably obvious that I didn’t get much work done, heh. Pulled away from what i was doing with questions in chat directed at me… then my younger sis (PurpleDragon11, 19) msg’ed me to tell me she had bought a webcam… from BestBuy, the thing was like $30 with a $10 and $20 mail-in rebate, so it was like getting it for freeish (+tax). She said if she had time she’d go to the store and pick a couple up for Annette(my 13 year old sis) and I.. but I went around and found there are no linux drivers for them, and I am not in windows enough to enjoy it *shrugs* We have a digital camera anyway.

I ended up taking a walk after all my xanga postings, I needed to clear my head I guess so I could focus. After, I came home .. it was almost 5, so I was frustrated that I had wasted an entire day accomplishing nothing that I felt even more depressed. So I turned on some Stabbing Westward, ’cause as I often forget listening to SW, and NIN, and the like really cheers me up when I am feeling hopelessly down.

It cheered me up, and I decided to mess with php a bit. Installed the mysql php libs so I could use php with mysql, got about as far as opening a database, which is stuff I’ve done before, but couldnt really think of anything to do with it at that moment. So I messed around with include statements. Ended up modulating my site a bit, now I don’t need to edit my index.php (on princessleia.com) I just edit files like mainmenu.php and links.php. It’s nice, and now my index.php is actually easier to navigate since it isnt *huge* Then I discovered shell_exec … this is a really cool php function that lets you execute bash commands and return the value in the php doc (as a variable, etc). So I can do so many cool things now! I made it give live system stats of my workstation on our LAN %) (I run apache on my workstation so I can play with php and mysql in a secure environment, so the live stats are on r2d2.clockbot.net… locally, not visible from the net). I dont think I will put anything like this on my webpage, ’cause no one cares about the stats of my webserver… ‘cept for uptime, ooooh *grins* Anyway, while trying to parse out the data for separate sections I discovered how cool awk is. Using it I was able to calculate the hdd space and such into Gb, instead of leaving it in icky bytes… I think I will play with awk more today.(A screenshot of the lan page).

Oh, I did end up watching The Ice Storm last night, it was all right… when I was wandering around the net last night I found it had been compared to American Beauty, heh, no way. Speaking of which, I was talking to someone a couple weeks ago who didn’t believe that the Colonel (the ‘homo-phobic’ neighbor) was gay in American Beauty. To me it was obvious, so I went to check out stuff on the movie and apparently this is a big debate. Some people think he was gay, and killed the Kevin Spacy character because he turned him down… others think it was like “Judas’ Kiss” … the kiss of a betrayer, while others (like my friend) assume it was because he wanted to see what his son got out of “being with” another man, so he kissed him. Then of course there is a whole different group of people who dont even think the Colonel killed Spacy (we’ll leave those crazies alone tho, hehe)… it was just weird, I mean I was SO SURE that he was gay, and now there is a debate? What did you think?

I learned this morning while readying the Bizarrenews Newsletter that some people are suing McDonalds, and other fast food places, for their obesity. They claim that eating there 3-4 times a week has caused them to become fat. Of course… but blaming McDonalds of this?! How much more absurd can you get? I can’t imagine how people wouldn’t know they would get fat from this, so it’s obvious that they are just looking for a way to make money off their gorging. Sometimes I really hate this country.

Someone asked me for help with gcc, I didn’t know the answer, i’ve never really used gcc directly… after I admitted my ignorance:

-@Axelay- maybe I am linking you too closely to Time
-@Axelay- my vision of you two is more along the lines of twins
-@pleia2- kinky o_O

Axelay = guy asking for help
pleia2 = me
Time = Myk