Over the past couple months I’ve found myself pondering the Women In F/OSS struggle and my place in it. For a long time I found it to be energizing, feeling like I was helping with the educating of people about the issue and engaging in discussions online, but I’ve hit a wall. I cringe at each Ubuntu Planet sexism post because I know the comments will be horrendous and upsetting. I’m not even posting this to the main Ubuntu Planet because of it, I’m tired of donning fire retardant clothing each time I stick my neck out on the issue (posting this in public at all is a risk, I considered not).
Essentially…
I’m tired of being told I’m “too sensitive” or have “no sense of humor” because I spoke up after something I saw made me feel uncomfortable, excluded, and nudged me closer to quitting F/OSS entirely.
I’m tired of answering the same questions over and over again, even if it is just carrying around and handing out a bag-o-links that address the pertinent issues.
I’m tired of hearing the fights and justifications for porn in slides at “professional” tech conferences.
I’m tired of having to defend the existence and usefulness of women in tech groups.
I’m tired of trying to convince people that sexism exists.
I’m sick of all of it, I’m tired of fighting.
But this battle is important, people need to stand up. Lucky for me, I personally can quit the discussion. We have some extraordinary women out there like Kirrily Robert, who gave a keynote at OSCON on the issue (and, even better, gave loads of suggestions on how to fix it and successful projects out there that break down the divide), Melissa Draper who is on the front lines of the sexism posts on the Ubuntu Planet, Mackenzie Morgan out there making blog posts and comments on the issue, and plenty of prominent men in the community standing with us through the mud-slinging like Matt Zimmerman and David Schlesinger. Thanks to all of you, and hundreds more who have taken a stand on the issues, even a single supportive comment on a blog helps!
I won’t be quitting the Women In FOSS scene entirely though. Rather than being in the trenches I’m going to scale back to the non-combatant role of support and encouragement. In addition to continuing to work with the Ubuntu Women initiatives to encourage and promote women in the community, it’s come to my attention that there are organizations in the world whose focus is getting girls involved in technology. I didn’t feel very encouraged in tech as a girl (and was sometimes actively discouraged) and so when I finally got hard core into it I was already several years older than my male geek counterparts, adding to my insecurity with tech. So I think these programs are going to be vital for the future, I think making girls feel confident and proficient with technology will do wonders for changing the industry and open source.
Hurrah for positivity, encouragement and support! It’s still work, but right now it’s so much more rewarding and far less draining.